A day in Ojai

Today we enjoyed another day here at the Ojai Valley Spa. My day began with an early wake up, compliments to my favorite early-to-bed-early-to-rise girl, Alia. She woke up at about 6AM, which was kind of a bummer, as I woke up at around 1AM, and couldn't get back to sleep until 5ish...yeah, one of those nights. Insomnia. 

But why? I haven't experienced insomnia like this in years...back in my old life of working a very stressful job with very early wake-ups...I would be so scared of not waking up on time, I'd often spend many nights tossing and turning. Last night was no different than all those nights: my mind wandered aimlessly, my ears caught every noise...the heat firing up and running...the cycle ending. Time passing, and the heat cycle beginning again. I heard every door that opened and closed at the entire resort. I heard Alia's sweet little snores. I heard Ajay's bigger sweet snores. And still, in my exhausted state, I couldn't find my sleep. So when I heard Alia begin to toss around in her little crib only a few feet from our bed, I knew that was it for the sleep option.

Once I was up and awake and beginning the day, I realized I wasn't the only girl that didn't feel so refreshed today. Alia, the morning girl of all morning girls had several cry cycles in the AM...which is not like her at all. Normally she has one cry cycle before she goes to sleep at night, and maybe a little crying before going down for a nap, but all in all, she's typically very pleasant during the morning and daytime. 

Ajay hit the gym early, and when he returned, I headed out for my first pedicure in ages. It was the pedicure to end all pedicures. A reclining chair...a warm blanket on my lap...a lavender filled thingy placed beneath my neck in my reclined chair. A chamomile eye pad to block out the sunlight. And a citrus infused scent that filled the air. It was so wonderful, so relaxing, so sleep inviting...but still, I couldn't! But I did leave an hour later feeling much more refreshed. 

After the spa, we headed into the little town for lunch at a local fish place. Alia didn't really love being in her stroller, and being a little cranky, we took turns eating while the other strolled her around outside the restaurant. Finally, the little chic went to sleep on the ride back to the hotel, but only for a few minutes. 

And now as I sit reflecting on our day, after a brutal bedtime with Alia, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing...not the tiredness, not the inability to dine together, not the separate spa/gym times....nothing.

Ho Ho Ho!

Right now we're in Ojai, California taking a spa weekend getaway to celebrate Christmas. This being our first holiday with Alia, we wanted to do something special. Just the three of us....low key, and something we'd enjoy as opposed to suffer through.

We drove up on Christmas Eve morning, among the other 10 million Los Angelinos striving to get to Grandmother's house in time for the turkey... and in my family's case, the drunken fest that is Christmas. Okay, I exaggerate, but I think one needs to show up with a little drinkie on board to make family holidays more tolerable...ooops, I mean fun. But that's not what I'm talking about today.

After a somewhat grueling drive in rain and aggressive holiday drivers, we arrived to a wonderfully warm, beautiful resort. The resort consists of lots and lots of hacienda style buildings, and one of the best spas in the country. Ohhh, the pressing I'm going to have in just a couple of hours...I am so excited! A massage for Mommy! And no baby watching! It really is a Christmas miracle!!!

Last night we decided to open our presents and celebrated in our little room with a lovely bottle of  champagne, followed by a martini for Mommy and a favorite holiday beer for Ajay. Since Alia was early to bed, Ajay ran down to one of the restaurants and ordered take-out; while the room service menu was adequate, we just didn't feel like chicken tenders and a Caesar salad. So anyway, Ajay came back with dinner in boxes...salmon with gnocchi and sole on a bed of mashed potatoes with green beans. The boxes the dinner was packed in added to the charm of our little family of 3 dinner in the room, as did the hand towels we used for napkins, and the utter lack of silverware. Yep, that's right...Ajay's kind waiter forgot to send silverware with us. And rather than sending Ajay back into the rain, we borrowed two of Alia's brand new baby spoons and gobbled up our dinner in very tiny bites. 

And it couldn't have been more wonderful, more perfect, more anything. I am so happy. 

Alia is 5 months old

Alia is five months old. This past month has been filled with lots of new things and new adventures. First and foremost, Alia has cut her first two teeth. The better to bite Mommy with!

This month, Alia made her first trip in an airplane across the country to meet her granddad. Alia has also discovered that she can grab her little feet, and does so every time she's on her back; and while she seems to think she's helping with her diaper changes, it actually makes the whole procedure quite comical. I stretch her legs out, and POP she bends her little chubby legs right back and holds her feet....as if to say, "see, Mommy? I'm helping."

Alia now reaches for my face when I'm near...it warms my heart to see her trying to get to me. She has also found her voice and squawks at me to get my attention. She is kind of pushy that way and totally cracks me up... patience is not in this girl's skill set at this point.

This month Alia slept through the night several times, and while this may not be a big thing to brag about for some people, it's huge for us. She doesn't want to miss a thing and fights like crazy to get out of napping; and when she does go down for a nap, thirty minutes is a long one for her.

Alia is really interacting with her toys now. She loves to play in her Jumperoo, which we call "the office" because I swear when she's in there, it looks like she's at a desk at work and she does not like to be interrupted. 

Alia loves toys that spin. We put the little tray adapter on her Bebe pod chair and it has a spinny toy that snaps in...one would think that one spinny would be enough to occupy her, but not our girl....she needs at least one spinny per hand. And I'm happy to do that for her.

Alia began eating solids this month. We started with rice cereal, and then...carrots, then green beans which she thought were good. Peas? Just average. Sweet potatoes? Excellent. And the maple syrup she snuck off Daddy's plate? Out of this world. Alia will now wash everything down with water...which she didn't like at first but now drinks like a champ.

This month, Alia rolled over a couple of times, but isn't much interested in anything revolving around tummy time. She prefers to stand...all the time. 

On the personality side,  Alia laughs and has a definite  sense of humor. She interacts with her admirers, but is still shy about being held by anyone else. She can get overwhelmed by new faces, but when she wears her Santa hat, she loves all the attention she gets. This month, Alia also survived her first day being babysat when I had the flu. She has been consistently going to bed around 6 pm and is ready to get up again at 6 am...with one time awake at night... she holds her bottle for us while we change her diaper in the wee hours; it's the cutest thing to look down in the dim light and see her tiny little hands grasping what seems to be a huge container...again looking up at me as if to say, "see Mommy? I'm helping!" And after the night time bottle, she's right back to sleep. 

Alia has discovered whining, much to my dismay. Very much to my dismay...I despise whiny kids!!! I know, kids will whine. But I just don't like it at all!

The hair on back of her head isn't growing at the same rate as the front and sides...in fact, most of the hair on the back of her head has broken off...but the hair in the front and the sides is getting longer and longer. This makes for quite an interesting overall affect. I've thought about trimming the sides so it will all grow out together...I've thought about all sorts of styling options...my only solution to this point is to always put her in the Baby Bjorn so the balding back of her head is hidden!

Needless to say, this month we've fallen more deeply in love with our little girl, which at this time last month, I would have said was impossible. She continues to warm our hearts and delight us with all the little things she does.

My genetic need to bundle

So it's wintertime, right? Even if we are in Southern California. To me, it's cold. It's been down in the 40s at night and only getting up to 60 during the day. I know, I know...being from the Midwest, believe me, I know what cold is. I went to college in Bloomington, Indiana and that place got serious snow. My roommate and I would very apprehensively ask one another to be picked up from class (when it worked with the other's schedule) when it snowed two or three feet...and we'd feel guilty about not being able to tough it out! Seriously...we actually did walk to school in three feet of snow! And did I mention the hills in that town? I swear they were always uphill. I digress.

Anyway...at night, since it's been getting so much colder lately, I've been putting Alia to bed in a Halo sleep sack...fleece, of course. Did I mention before how much I love that thing? Anyway...it's sleeveless, which means you have to put PJ's on beneath it...and so I put Alia's favorite night time onesie on underneath...built in feet, zip up the front, and yes, fleece. So you've tallied it correctly...that's two layers of fleece for her night time pleasure.

And at night, just before Ajay and I drift off to sleep, I invariably give him a nudge and ask, "do you think Alia's warm enough?" and he replies, "yes, I think Alia is warm enough". I respond with "you don't think I should wrap her in a blanket?" and he replies, "she's already wrapped in a blanket...the sleep sack is a blanket that's fitted just for her". And I respond with, "but you don't think she needs another layer....like maybe wrapping another blanket around the sleep sack?" and Ajay replies with "I don't think we're supposed to put blankets in the crib with her this young, right? Isn't that why we got the sleep sack?" and I reply "You're right"...but in the back of my mind, I doubt his rightness...I really think she needs one more layer of blankets in our 70 degree furnace-heated home. Because I'm a Mommy.

Rain, rain, and more rain!

Today it's raining for the second time this week...not just a light rain...rain that lasts from the time you wake up and doesn't stop all day or night. And the bonus today is that there was a scheduled power outage...so what would have only been a cold, dark, rainy winter day just got a little colder and a little darker. 

For the 4 or 5 hours that we were without power, I thought a lot about what it would have been like to have a baby before power...thank goodness her Jumperoo works on batteries, and thank goodness I could just turn on some warm water to mix with her formula rather than relying on the electric bottle warmer. And thank goodness it was daylight during the outage so we could still play with [battery operated] toys and read books, right?

But in all seriousness, having a day at home with no power made me introspective.... thankful for all that I do have. Thankful I didn't have to leave the warmth of my home to go anywhere...work...day care drop off... thankful that Alia is healthy and happy. Thankful that I get to be with her all day every day. I'm thankful that we live in a time of plenty, and if she wants something extra to eat before bedtime or anytime for that matter, it's no big deal. I'm sure my grandmother, having lived through the Great Depression knew what it was like to go to bed hungry. Alia on the other hand, is outgrowing clothes that are months ahead of where she should be age-wise.

And tonight, as Alia threw her last little tantrum, trying to tell me how much her teeth hurt, trying to tell me how tired she was, trying to tell me how hard it is to sleep when a) you're just a baby and b) your teeth are killing you, I felt gracious to have this time, to be able to hold her and comfort her and hum in her ear. As her screams quieted into quiet gurgley little protests, and finally her little body went limp, I tucked her in and again, felt so fortunate to have this time with this little person who needs me.

Alia's first Christmas gift exchange

This weekend we went up to LA to visit Ajay's brother and his family. Since they'll be in Mexico for the holidays this year, we thought we'd have our gift exchange early.

On Sunday morning, we got on the road early. When we got there, we all decided to go to their amazing farmer's market. I packed Alia into the Baby Bjorn and we walked over...and she wouldn't hear of leaving her Santa hat at home. You get the picture...

So into the farmer's market we go, and the more bouncy the ride, the happier Alia got. Her arms flapped, her legs kicked, she smiled from ear to ear and made little shrieks of laughter. She was quite the spectacle...women, children, and even grumpy old men stopped to admire her in all her bouncy cuteness. She was the bell of the ball!

Does anybody just make babies anymore?

Okay, I know that reproduction does happen for normal people with normal lives without the intervention of brilliant reproductive specialists...I just don't seem to hear much about them! Except for my brother and Ajay's brother, it seems like a lot of the people I'm close to have gone through some type of reproductive "help" as my Mom calls it.
Yesterday I visited one of my best friends for lunch. It was her birthday, and she was stuck on bed rest after her 2nd IVF transfer...the first attempt didn't take. Tonight we're having dinner with friends who are also trying to conceive. Tomorrow night? Dinner with other friends who went through IVF twice to get their first daughter, and a third and final time with frozen embryos to attempt to make a sibling for their daughter, which failed.
Is it age? Is it that we have our lives together and the only thing missing is babies? Is it that we're impatient and don't have the 5 or 6 years of trying that our parent's generation accepted as the way it was? Is it because our generation has waited longer to start having kids, meaning we don't have time on our sides to be patient?
So with all that said, with my next round of IVF coming up within two months or so, I'm hoping against the odds that some miracle will happen and my unexplained infertility will subside and a baby will magically (well, not magically...I know how babies are made) plant itself in my awaiting and perfectly healed uterus. I hope that I don't have to take the drugs. I hope that I can just be like those normal people from fairytales that make babies the old fashioned way. But if it doesn't happen in the next couple of months, we'll move forward like was planned and begin round two.

Mommy and Me Yoga

For the last few weeks, I've been meaning to check out a Mommy & Me yoga class. Before Alia, I did a lot of yoga...I was pretty regular about going to classes, and thought this might be just the thing to help me with some level of fitness, and let's be honest...it's something to do with the baby! There's only so many hours of "baby in the mirror" that either of us really enjoys!

So, after a very sleepless night, I decided today was the perfect day to go to the class; I looked up the class time online...1PM. Okay, not the greatest time... considering that it's pretty certain that Alia would normally be napping at that time. But enough with the excuses. Make it happen.

So although Alia seemed to be tired, I packed her up and put her in the car...it was about a 25 minute drive, so I figured she could have a micro nap on the way there...after all, Alia's daytime naps usually don't last longer than 30 minutes, so this could work out perfectly! Only Alia didn't fall asleep until we were 5 minutes away from class; I decided to let her sleep as long as possible and went into the class just as it was beginning with a less-than-refreshed Alia.

So once inside, Alia perked up. "Look at all the babies! Look at all the Mommies! I'm in heaven!" was written all over her sweet little face. She cooed. She made her sweetest flirtatious noises. She giggled. And then class started. I think it was about this time that Alia realized that the whole class didn't come to see her, and that all the Mommies were doing their own things.

One of the smaller babies started crying. The Mommy next to me whipped out her boob and shoved it in her baby's mouth. The lady across from me opened her son's diaper which was full of poop and began vigorously wiping away the poop and changing him there on her yoga mat. The baby that was breast feeding belched up a bunch of milk. This was all much more organic than I had imagined. And right on queue, Alia began to cry. Not just a whimper, but a full blown, lung exercising, ear piercing cry. And it didn't get much better than this for the remainder of the 55 minute class. I think I may have joined in for three poses?

Now that's a good way to spend $20! But hey, it gave me something to write about, right? And, looking on the bright side, now we know!

Cry it out

Oh boy, was last night a toughie. Since we got back from Florida, where Alia slept like a dream for 12 straight hours almost every night, she's been getting up every night with the exception of one...a step backwards.

I've talked to a lot of people about this, and all of them, including my pediatrician, my obstetrician, and friends with multiple kids come back with the same three words: Cry It Out.

Well, being a big fat softie, I can hardly fathom this. My pediatrician asked if we're still feeding her in the night...guilty as charged. Usually Alia was sleeping through the 11PM feeding and waking up sometime around 1AM or 2AM, and I justified in my mind that it had been 7 hours since she ate last, so of course she's starving, right?

Well, actually since her Florida sleep-a-thon, she's proven that she no longer needs to eat throughout the night. But still...when we returned from Florida, she got her 4 month vaccinations and ran a mild fever for several days, so I felt that it wasn't fair to withhold her bottle at night while she was already sick. And then after the fever, well, she started teething! And God knows the little girl was in pain, and the bottle did seem to calm her and allow her to get back to sleep. Yeah, you get my point. From the outside looking in, I can see that there's always going to be a reason.

So last night, when Alia cried for her bottle at 11PM, I decided I'd change her diaper and put her back down. And at most, I'd give her some water, which is what my pediatrician suggested as a way to bridge the gap between getting a full bottle and nothing at all. So after 15 minutes of crying, I went in, changed her, and put her back down. She cried.

Another 15 minutes passed of her crying and I picked her up and rocked her and patted her and then put her back down. She cried. For fifteen more minutes, I lied on the floor in her room out of her site and listened to her cry. Then I got the water and gave it to her while she lied in the crib...I wanted minimal disruption. She finished the water and was quiet. Exhale.

I headed back to bed. Then right as I went to sleep, the crying began. At this point I woke Ajay up to ask him if I was doing the right thing, and he reinforced that I had to at least give it a shot, because we hadn't been moving forward on our own. So finally, around 1AM, all was quiet.

Until 3:30AM... when I heard the whimpers again on the monitor. At this point, I was weakened and tired, and thought to myself that if I gave her the bottle, she'd be back to sleep in 10 minutes and then we could all sleep...but the other side of me prevailed and I recommitted to sticking with this for at least tonight. And the whimpers stopped with no intervention.

This morning, I heard Alia's happy little grunting noises around 6AM, which is a totally reasonable time for getting up...much better than the 5AM wake ups of the entire last week.

Did it work? I don't know...we'll see what happens tonight.

Let's eat!!!

So it seems like time is flying. The 6.8 pound waif of a baby I brought home in July now approaches 20 pounds. She is locking her legs and standing bolt upright with assistance any time she has the opportunity. She's rolled over on her own. And she's starting to eat food!

So far, Alia has tried carrots, peas, and rice cereal. This does not include the tiny bite of sweet potatoes that Ajay fed her from his plate last week, which Alia thought was the best thing she'd ever imagined. Until pancakes. Yep, Sunday Ajay and I headed to an old favorite spot of ours, Habana, the Cuban restaurant where we had our first date and were regular Friday night patrons before Alia. Now it's Sunday brunch, but hey, I'm just glad some one else is doing the cooking and cleaning up! Who cares what day it is. Anyway, after pancakes, I was afraid she'd never be interested in vegetables again! I digress. So needless to say, our girl is very, very interested in all things related to food. So far the only thing she doesn't like is the rice cereal....and after tasting it, I don't blame her...kind of bland!

Seems like forever since I've been able to sit down and write something with me and only me. Right now Alia is in bed and Ajay is working later than usual. Exhale. Me time! I remember this...vaguely!

As I sit here with only myself.... the Christmas cards all filled out and dropped off at the post office today, the dishes done, Alia's bottles for the next 24 hours made, I can actually feel good about putting my feet up and relaxing...but then my head starts spinning...I should unload the dishwasher. I should try to re-light the pilot lights on our remote control fireplaces. God knows when I'll have the free time to accomplish that!I should see about ordering that last Christmas gift online. I should put my shoes away, throw in a load of laundry, I should order Alia a new jacket for winter. I should work on Ajay's year-end expense report. I should I should I should.

Welcome to my mind. Welcome to my world.

This weekend, as I raced around doing laundry, tending to Alia, getting ready for our friends to come for dinner, straightening the house, I would observe Ajay sitting on the couch with his feet up, happily relaxed, watching football. As I continued to address Christmas cards, he'd surf the internet...again, happily. As I folded clothes and put them away and attempted to make some order our of our closet, Ajay continued to take it easy. The whole time, he asked, "is there anything I can do for you" but my answer was no...because in my head, my task list is mine.

And as I sit here now, taking time for myself, I am very aware of all the things I mentioned above that remain unchecked on my mental list. I know that it's okay and very necessary to allow myself time to just chill, but then that type-A overachieving neat freak keeps on butting in to my nice calm moment.

Xtra Xtra!

The last few weeks, Alia has been particularly oral. Since deciding there was nothing more disgusting than her binky at 3 months old, she's taken to her hands. Only the past weeks, it's become her hands, our fingers, random towels, her bib...you name it. If it crosses her path, it ends up in her mouth. Many people have suggested she is teething, and while I didn't know one way or another, I had my doubts because a) Alia is only 4 months old, and b) I read in one of my baby books that salivating and chewing is almost always a phase that babies this age go through, and typically it does not mean teething is happening.

But this morning, Alia grabbed my finger and shoved it in her mouth as usual, and began gnawing away...and today? There on the bottom row of her sweet little gum line was one very small but very real tooth popping threw. And right next to it? Another one just waiting to pop through.

Alia Rolling Over...or, actually, Trying to Roll Over

Okay, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much is a video worth. Here you'll see Alia trying her best to roll over. This was just immediately following her first real no-help roll over. You can just see it in her eyes that she knows what to do, she just can't remember how to do it!

Because she's cute

A lot of newsworthy stuff for one week!

Okay, earlier this week I reported that Alia had rolled over all by herself. Well, the news doesn't stop there! She has also had her first solid food this week...rice cereal.

Here we have Alia waiting and wondering what the heck is going on...she's never sat in her Bumbo chair on the kitchen table, and certainly not with a bib on.


Here she tries her first bite...


But it won't go in...it comes right back out. Why is it we chose to spoon feed Alia the same week she began sticking her tongue out for fun? Because we're smart.


Am I doing it right, Daddy?


Okay, glad this was fun for you guys, but this was not that great for me...


At last! Something I can eat!


And later that day, all of Alia's friends threw her a party for trying so hard to eat from a spoon!

Hey! Look what I can do!

This week, all that tummy time has paid off...Alia rolled over all by herself! And can you believe it, I was there with the camera to capture that first roll! Okay, maybe you can believe it, considering I have 6,400 pictures of Alia so far.

So here we have the beginning....just playing tummy time.

Then, to my surprise, Alia began to tip....

And before you know it...my girl made it all the way to the other side! Sure it was  a little frightening at first, but there's a first time for everything, right?

Today's HSS

Today I had another appointment with Dr. Hatch. I had to have an HSS done, which is where she manually injects saline into my uterus and visualizes under ultrasound to make sure everything is hunky dory in there, meaning no scarring from my c-section, no visible polyps, and all that kind of stuff.

And the word is? Everything's A-okay. From there, we went over all my consent forms for a frozen embryo transfer when the time comes. She wants me to wait for my cycle to truly begin again, so I'll begin the process not next month, but the month following that one, which will hopefully be January/February. This means I get to go through the holidays without being on fertility drugs! Wooohoooo!

Back in the saddle...or, rather, stirrups

Today I went to see Dr. H., my fertility genius. It's that time again!!!

 

Unfortunately I had to miss my day 3 appointment a couple of days ago because of my yucky flu bug,  but Dr. H. assured me it wouldn't slow us down at all in the progression towards making Alia's sibling. So today's appointment was only an ultrasound and a blood draw...this is my "work up" month...meaning no drugs, just checking to see how my body is functioning since having Alia. I think she said we were checking my thyroid and a few other things...I wrote them down because I never remember the details; a lot of good it did me...see? Now I can't find my notes!

Anyway, I have to have an HSS within the week, which is a minor procedure where they'll fill my uterus with saline and visualize my baby holder with ultrasound. The goal is to determine if there's any scarring or other issues with my uterus since my c-section. So hopefully that'll happen and all will be well, and next month, I'll start the drugs to make me ready to receive and implant those nice frozen embryos. 

What I'm Thankful For

Well, this is our first Thanksgiving with Alia, and it's been one year to the day that we announced that I was pregnant. Last year, we had about 20 people here at the house for Thanksgiving, and so much has changed since then.

First and foremost, I am thankful that I am married to my soul mate. I can't imagine what my life would be without him. We've navigated through a lot together, and every step of the way, I've always known without a doubt that I am married to a good man. A caring man. He is kind and supportive and sensitive. He loves his family above anything else, and is a wonderful husband and an amazing father.

I am thankful for my beautiful little girl Alia. I never knew that love could feel like this...so completely protective and 100% without question. The journey we traveled to add this little lady to our family was long and at times tumultuous, and I'd do it again a hundred times over if I had to. I am thankful that every morning when I go in to greet her in her crib, she has a wide open smile for me. She squeaks with happiness when she sees me for the first time. I am thankful that she is healthy and happy. I am thankful she is going to be raise in a family that loves her so much. I am thankful that Ajay's hard work allows me to stay at home and experience every moment of her life.

I am thankful for my friends and family. My family and friends have given me a lot of support over the last few years. At times when I was ready to throw in the towel on having a baby because the drugs were screwing with my head too much and making me downright miserable...the people in my life saw me through it. And now that Alia is here, these same people are still right along side of me to share in the joy that she brings.

I guess you could summarize that I am thankful for knowing love like I know it.

I'm so lucky

What a rough few days it's been! A couple of days ago, I woke up and my immediate thought was uh-oh. I felt sick to my stomach. And considering that Ajay had been under the weather for several days while we were in Florida, I had a feeling that I knew what was ahead of me.

Long story short? When Ajay left for work, I had already begun throwing up and well, you know, the other end too also joined the party. I couldn't leave the toilet by 8:30 in the morning. By 9:00 I called Ajay at work and begged him to try to do whatever he could to come home early...that I couldn't take care of Alia since at this point, vomit was coming from my nose!

That's when I heard my neighbors voices in my head..."if you ever need anything...we're just a few steps away". Now seriously, there are good neighbors and there are good neighbors, but our good neighbors would win any prize in that category. They've become our adopted family and we're so fortunate to have them. So I picked up the phone, and between dry heaves and tears, asked if Carol could come and stay with Alia during the day until Ajay got home. And she didn't hesitate...she was here within a blink of an eye.

So I spent the day in bed, and in the bathroom, and Alia spent some quality time with Aunt Carol. From time to time, I would wake from my coma to go barf or well, you get the picture, and I would hear Carol's sweet voice talking to Alia, and Alia cooing back to Carol. Not only did Carol save the day, but I actually think Alia preferred a change of pace!

So there you have it...Alia's first time being baby sat. And we both survived!

Alia is 4 months old

Well another month has passed, and I just can't believe how fast time is flying. My little 6 pound bug that I brought home from the hospital now weighs 16 pounds. She is bigger than her 7 month old cousin. She is as tall as a 9 month old baby that she met when we were in Florida. She's a very healthy girl!

This month, Alia has really begun coming out of her shell. Every morning when I go to greet her in her crib, she puts on a huge smile and squeaks with happiness. She now understands what it is to play together...she loves anything that builds anticipation. Ajay holds her on his lap as I wiggle my fingers and say "I'm going to get you!". As I get closer and closer, Ajay wiggles his legs and jostles her around, and when I finally make it to her and tickle her and kiss her, she giggles with a huge wide mouth smile. I just can't get enough of her.

Alia is also learning patience, believe it or not. Don't get me wrong, my home girl can definitely snap if I'm not quick enough to please her. But she is mellowing...she tolerates that it takes time to heat the bottle. She also tolerates my meticulousness when it comes to cleaning her face, ears, and neck every morning. This new mellowness also makes me much more comfortable taking her places...she is a good little passenger for the most part (unless we over do it and she gets tired, but who's to blame there?). Alia is also very social...she loves new faces and does her best to make a positive first impression by giving everyone her best smile.

This past week, Alia discovered that she has feet. While we were visiting my Dad, Ajay was sitting outside with her one afternoon and reported that she looked at her feet for about 20 minutes. And now that she knows about them, she interacts with them. The cutest thing is when she lifts her feet up and grabs them to hold them out of the way during diaper changes...the whole time she looks up at me like, "Look, Mommy, I'm helping". Yes, you are you little perfect sweetie.

Alia is showing signs of being ready for solid foods, and we intend to begin her on rice cereal after her 4 month appointment with the pediatrician this week. She is showing signs of hunger after 2 hours where she previously would nearly always make it 3 hours between bottles.

Last week, Alia slept through the entire night...12 hours in a row....5 times. This was while we were visiting my Dad in Florida. Sure, once we were back, Alia decided she needed to see me at 11pm and again at 2am, but she has proven she can do it. Now I just need to figure out how to repeat the perfect storm that lead to those results!

Oh, and Alia has a new favorite game...Alia loves to lie on her back and have me tickle her with my hair...she flaps her arms and legs and purses her lips. She can play this little game indefinitely.

We're baaaack!

Hi everybody...

First of all, sorry for the confusion of my last blog entry...no, I'm not stopping this blog...I stopped writing my other blog about getting fit after baby. It was consuming too much time to try to do both. Anyway, I suppose I shouldn't have announced the end of a blog just before going on vacation, right? And how were you supposed to know that when we were visiting my Dad, his computer crashed, so there was no way of blogging from there. So, again, here I am, happily typing away, happy to be back, happy to be sharing my thoughts.

Alia on her first flight

Well, a lot has happened since I wrote before Alia's first transcontinental trip. She flew. She met her grandparents. She slept through the night...12 hours in a row!!!! She turned 4 months old. She ate out at restaurants. She got comfortable traveling in her car seat. See? So much has happened in so little time! So with so much to report, I think I'll break it up among a few blogs.

Dad watching as Ajay helps Alia decide what to order

First, as I mentioned, Alia flew on an airplane, and she did so well. I was so proud of her. On the first leg, from Southern California to Atlanta, she was a dream. She smiled at everyone who passed by. She ate a little, slept a little, played a little. She was patient with Mommy when I tried to change her gigantic poopy diaper in the airplane bathroom that didn't have a changing table (because that extra fold down shelf would have been too much for the men who build airplanes to think about....f*ckers). Then, we touched down in Atlanta. We hit the Medallion lounge, where people looked at her skeptically, but she was no threat to their relaxation...she slept like a little angel when she wasn't looking around happily.

Then we boarded our final flight from Atlanta to Daytona. That's when it all became too much. Alia snapped. She didn't want to fly anymore. She didn't want to be on that cold plane. She didn't want to see any more new faces. She didn't want her little tiny ears to pop again. She was done. And she cried. And cried. And then cried some more. Thank the baby Jesus that the flight was only 55 minutes long. As we landed, after waling at the top of her lungs the entire flight, Alia got a case of the happys. As people deplaned, the shot us dirty looks, and Alia responded to each and every one with smiles and cooing noises. That's my little charmer.

So long!

About a month ago, I began my Body after Baby blog, which detailed my efforts of getting my body back to the way I wanted it. As of now, I'm officially throwing in the towel on that blog because I just don't have time to do it. I'm still exercising away, still trying to shed these pounds, but I'm just not going to write about the journey anymore...I figure I have a bigger journey to capture here in cyberspace!

Damn you, environmentally friendly diapers!

I was at Target picking up some diapers and other necessities when I came across a display of environmentally friendlier diapers...it seems they're derived of corn as opposed to most diapers that are derived of oil. Anyway, since I've made the switch to environmentally friendly dish soap and laundry soap and better light bulbs and re-use my grocery bags from Trader Joe's, it only seemed right to explore diapers that are kinder to the Earth, as well. Especially with Little Miss Pee Pee pants using up 18 diapers a day! And no, I never considered letting her pee twice in one diaper. That's just mean.

Anyway, I bought a pack of these diapers that touted better performance all the while being better to the planet...not to mention, who wants an oil-based product next to baby's skin? So I brought them home, and proudly showed off my purchase to Ajay. I explained to him all the selling points of these new diapers, and told him we'd test them out on her next diaper change.

So when the time came, I opened up the first diaper and was taken aback by how much they felt like newspaper with elastic magically infused into the leg holes. I rubbed the inside of the diaper on my face, and then grabbed one of the Pampers and did the same. Yes, clean diapers, mind you. I was horrified. The Earth-friendly diaper was noticeably rougher against my face than the Pampers diaper. And the leg holes didn't stretch and flex like Alia's normal diaper.

Now what? Do I put aside all these convictions I had so recently signed up for? I mean, the landfills! For God sake! How can I go backwards? How can I un-realize what I'm doing to Mother Earth? And putting an oil-based product against Alia's perfect little behind?

So here we are a week later. Every time I change Alia's diaper, I see the choice in the diaper drawer...the "friendly diapers" or the "Earth killers". The Brillo pads versus the silken pee pads. The constrictors versus the comfy. And every time, I reach for the Pampers. I'm that person.

But I figure, when the products are truly equal, then everyone will buy them, so technically I would be doing a disservice to the world if I were to vote with my dollars and purchase an inferior product...because then the company would think they'd done enough...right? I mean, I can't be the only discerning person out there, right? The only person that wants their baby's diaper to both work and be comfortable, in addition to being Earth friendly? I mean, how would you like to wear newspaper underwear with leg holes that were either too loose or constricted blood flow to your lower extremities.

So if you really think about it, I'm being kinder to the planet. Yeah, I'll just keep telling myself that every time I reach for the wrong diaper!

Because we haven't had enough photoshoots

As you know, we failed to capture any photos of Alia with her two cousins at Ajay's Dad's 70th birthday photo session. So when my sister in law called and said she was having her own photo shoot for her girls at her house this past weekend, we jumped on the opportunity to join in and try to get the coveted shot. 

My sister in law had all sorts of great ideas about themes and genres to photograph the girls in. She had Christmas outfits, Indian outfits, tutus, tap shoes, ballet shoes, and tons of miscellaneous accessories for the girls. I brought Alia's tutu. 

When the photographer got there and was taken to what Lena dubbed "wardrobe", she took in all the different clothes and ideas with apprehension. Three girls? Two of them babies? And all these costume changes? Hmmm. Maybe we should think about prioritizing.

So we decided to do the girls in tutus first, and that would be the only photo for Miss Alia, who historically doesn't do so well with these types of things. So I dressed her up, and she was happy. Very happy.

Look at me! I'm wearing my tutu! I'm on a big bean bag! I'm happy!!!

Then we added Alia's cousin Ciela, who is 6 months old and typically the most chilled baby in the universe.

Hey! Wait a minute...I don't know if I like this anymore...no one said I'd have to share my bean bag!

Finally, we added Haylah. And the shot was complete...except, well, Ciela of all babies decided that she didn't like this.
...and that's when Alia decided to join in with her very own special brand of inconsolable melt-down. And then? It was time to go home...after, of course, Daddy calmed Alia down just a bit. Oh, and the best part? The photographer didn't capture a single shot of the girls...my snapshots are the only proof that captured this day!

The 70th Birthday Celebration

a snapshot of Ajay's Dad feeding Alia with Uncle Hirroo

A couple of weekends ago, we had a photo shoot here at the house for Ajay's Dad's 70th birthday. Did I mention this? Well, see, there is nothing more valuable to Ajay's Dad's side of the family than the standard professional portrait. Of course, they would prefer the Sears or Olan Mills variety, but since we were having a big celebration lunch here at the house with a chef and everything, it didn't make sense to then cart everyone off to the closest Sears, especially after the bottles of wine we enjoyed at lunch. So we hired the same photographer that did Alia's newborn photos to come back to the house to photograph the family. Especially Ajay's Dad with his 3 granddaughters....that would be the photographic gift of all gifts...the portrait of all portraits. The shangri-la of staged capturing of the moment.

Only...did anyone out there know how hard it is to get yourself ready, the house ready, lunch ready (okay, the chef made lunch, but still...lunch was served), and a baby clean, happy, and camera-ready? Well, it's not easy. Throw in another 6 month old and a nearly 3 year old, and the permutation of things that can go awry exponentially increases. Oh, yeah, and there's Uncle Hirroo, Ajay's Dad's brother. Throw that man into the mix, and well, that's a whole other story for a different day.

So the photographer comes, we're ready, have had a nice lunch, Alia is clean, in her nice dress, and going along with things pretty well. She's been a real sport about being passed around from Granddad to Uncle and back and forth. Until it's time to actually take pictures. That's when the level of activity buzzing around her coupled with the fact that it was the early stage of the witching-hour melt-down time. And Uncle Hirroo insisted on holding her in the photographs-he's the oldest Lalvani, and Alia is the youngest Lalvani so it must be photographed this way in all pictures, right?

Oldest Lalvani with youngest Lalvani

Wrong. Alia didn't want this man she didn't know holding her, grabbing for her, insisting that he hold her freakishly tightly. She didn't want to wear her pretty dress. She didn't want to sit outside in the setting sun. She didn't want to take part in the flurry of activity. She didn't want to be anywhere but inside, with her Mommy and Daddy. And she told us this. Again and again. She hung in there for as many photographs as she could...she did her best.

So in the end, the photograph of Granddad and his three grand daughters didn't happen. Alia had had enough. She was through. And as her Mommy and protector, I pulled the plug, brought her to her room, rocked her, comforted her, and let her take a nice peaceful nap. Which is when the photographer knocked and asked if she could capture her nap. 

Thanks, but no thanks.

What did I forget?

Next week, we're taking Alia to Florida to meet her Grandpa, my Dad. He is the only grandparent she has yet to meet, as he had a medical situation that made it impossible for him to travel to California to meet her.

Because I'm me, I've been jotting down a list of things to take with us to make our journey across the country more comfortable fore everyone. I usually do this for my and Ajay's packing as well. That way nothing is overlooked and I arrive at my destination prepared.

Now that we have an almost 4 month old, I'm shocked to realize that my own packing and organization has fallen by the wayside. Not a single item has been marked on a list for myself or Ajay. Not a single mention of eye cream or cotton pads on a single scrap of paper throughout our house. Nope...in my bag I foresee a pair of jeans, some socks, 3 shirts, and some deodorant. And maybe some makeup if I remember. And in Ajay's bag? I dunno...ask him!

But in Alia's bag? In Alia's bag there will be her noise machine, baby monitor, bottle warmer, 100 diapers, 200 wipes, a portable changing table that folds in half, the scented plastic bags for disposing of used diapers. She'll have bottles, rings, nipples, her bottle brush, formula (both premixed and powder packets), bibs, burp cloths, and of course her Boppy. Alia will have shampoo, body wash, wash cloths, moisturizer, q-tips, cotton pads, baby freshener (leave on soap for spot cleaning between baths) face wipes, hair brush, comb, barrettes. She'll have her Gripe Water, gas medicine, baby Tylenol, nasal aspirator, nail clippers. She won't be without her sun hat, 4 outfits per day, 2 pj's per night, a jacket, her Uggs, oh, and her Mary Jane socks. Alia will have her favorite swaddle blanket, her Baby Bjorn, a variety of cuddly toys, her favorite books. Just to name a few things.

They really exist???

Today I was talking to my sister on the phone. She lives in Indiana, which is where I was born and raised. Having lived in California for my entire post-school adult life, I tend to forget sometimes the...ummm, breadth of humanity in this country.

Take for instance, yesterday morning. My sister tells me that she was on bus duty (she's an elementary school teacher), and one of her 5-year-old students ran up to her immediately off the bus, asking, "Mrs. H, Mrs. H...who won the president?" My sister said she replied with "Barack Obama is going to be our next president". She said looking into his eyes, it looked like the sky fell. She asked him, "what's wrong?", to which he replied, "well, my Mommy said he's going to go to all the hospitals and kill all the newborn babies".

Pause.

More pause...so you can really appreciate everything wrong in this story.

Well, first of all, it's alarming that this is a true story, in modern life, and this Mom person is only one degree of separation from my sister. From here, my mind goes into a frenzy of trying to understand.

Is this person ignorant or evil? By this I mean, sure, we all have our opinions on Pro Life/Pro Choice, but is it ever necessary to fill your barely-out-of-diapers child with frightening images of our leader killing babies? Since the idea of educating a child with the facts about babies, birth control, abortions, and other sociological and physiological issues surrounding reproduction of our species at such a young age is totally absurd, why is it okay to misinform them?

Or is it ignorance...does this Mom really think that Pro-Choice means that our president goes to hospitals and kills live, thriving babies? Tearing them from new mother's arms? And even if this is what this lady truly understands the situation to be, why fill her 5 year old child's head with such horrific images? If she really believes that this new president is a murderous serial killer, wouldn't protecting your child be the first instinctive maneuver?

And the beauty of this? This person has equal vote in our government as an educated, informed person.

Hope

Today I woke up excited. After last night's election, it just felt....better. I ran to the computer to see if Indiana's vote was finally in, and was happy to see that it was blue. Not red. For the first time since the 1960s. My former home state had broke with tradition.

Am I a democrat? Nope. Am I a republican? Nope. I've voted both ways in my life, and am happy to have no party affiliation. I feel that that allows me to vote the way I feel is most important at the time. And this time, I felt our country needed a new direction. And apparently, I wasn't alone.

So after the past week leading up to the election, of feeling scared that we'd have a book-banning evangelical one step away from being the most powerful wo-man in the world, I awoke today relieved. Maybe my new optimism is naive. Maybe I'm silly to put faith in another politician spouting edicts of change and promising that We Can. But it's a whole lot better than the last 8 years of knowing that We Can't!

300

Wow...this is my 300th post. Who knew when I was lying in bed on bedrest after IVF that this little past-time would develop into something that's a consistent part of my life.

300 posts, following all I've been through since Novemeber 5th, 2007, when I had my eggs harvested, taken to a lab, introduced to Ajay's swimmers, baked in a petri dish, and re-implanted on November 8th, 2007. We have come a long way.

About two weeks later, we found out the procedure worked...we found out that two of the four embryos "took". We survived the first trimester of my twin pregnancy, with migraines, daily sickness, and fatigue like I'd never experienced. We found out at our 12 week scan that I was having a boy and a girl. We began thinking about a unisex bedroom for both or our little babies. Through it all, I've never been happier.

At our 20 week scan, we got tragic news that our little boy had died. Looking back on that day, I realize now that we also got the wonderful news that our daughter was fine and would be unharmed by his demise. I've never felt sadness like that day. I hope to never feel that sadness again in my life.

Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I was nervous. I quit exercising. I wished I could wrap myself in bubble wrap. I wanted to be a kangaroo so I could look inside my little pouch and be able to see my baby developing and make sure everything was okay. I was so scared. My OB picked up on this and sent me to fetal diagnostics for the last month of my pregnancy so I could do just that.. see my baby and have reassurance every week that passed.

Finally it was time to have our baby. I decided on an elective C-Section because I couldn't handle the thought of delivering the remains of our little boy in addition to our thriving baby girl. And what can I say...it was the happiest day of my life finally getting to hold my little baby. After all we had been through leading up to IVF and after, she was finally here. My beautiful perfect little girl.

So now I suppose my blog has transitioned for the time being from a fertility blog to a Mommy blog. My days are spent caring for this little 3 month old. She is a sweet, happy baby...well, except for bedtime, when a demon takes over her soul...but for the most part she is a joy.

And a month from now? When we begin trying for baby #2? I suppose this will become a fertility blog again!

Thanks for reading!

Banana Republican

Okay, so my last two entries may have been a little political for my normal readers. I'll stick to what I know best...my immediate surroundings.

Today I decided that we should have an outing. And since Alia loved her last retail experience, I thought, why not go to Banana Republic by my house? It's located in an upscale strip mall (for lack of better word) not too far from home, so in the event of a melt down, it would be a mild 10 minute drive home with Alia screaming in the back seat.

So I packed myself up, packed up Alia, and hit the open road. We arrived just in time for Alia's noon time feeding, and found a nice spot in the shade. She ate, gazed into my eyes, smiled a big toothless smile several times throughout the feeding, and promised me that we were going to have a nice little stroll afterward.

But what do babies know? After Alia ate and burped, I attempted to put her in the stroller. Huh? You don't want to be in the stroller? Well, let's just try? Please? No? Okay, Mommy can carry you.

Off we go. Me pushing my $700 baby carrying apparatus (loaded with toys, my diaper bag, sunglass case, keys, extra outfit, extra formula...yeah...all for an hour long outing) sans baby. Alia wanted to be carried. No, not over the shoulder. The Alia Special...you know, in a sitting position facing outward...her back to my stomach. That is the only surefire way to aggravate my left-hand carpal tunnel, after all! So off we go...quite a site. Me pushing the monstrous stroller with my right hand, and carrying my 15 pound over sized monkey in my left hand. But hey, we're out, no one is crying (anymore...since I gave up on putting Alia in the stroller), and we're managing.

We turned the corner, and that's when I realized that the sun was going to be beating down on us in our faces for the duration or the walk...maybe a city block or two...not far, but still. And seriously...is it me or is it 88 degrees out? Oh, it's not just me? It is 88 degrees today? Why wouldn't it be...it is almost November after all!

So now sun is beating down on us, Alia is squinting because her sun hat is in my purse...in the trunk of the car...because it wouldn't fit in my stroller's basket with all the other useless crap under there, and I'm still determined to make it to Banana Republic. Why? I don't know! But still...we're going.

Finally, with my arms aching, we got to the door...closed of course...in fact, it's the only door in the entire mall that isn't propped open beckoning consumers to enter. I struggle into the door, baby on one arm, door in the other, whip my bootie around to hold the door, push the stroller through the door, all just in time for the door to literlly hit me in the ass. That's when I vaguely notice Alia is now squirming a bit and is kind of sweaty. I ditch my stroller in a corner and try to distract her by showing her all the pretty jewelry. Nope...not working. Squirming, sweating, and now her face is red. Oh shit. Literally. Shit. Alia is pooping while I have her sitting on the jewelry case. And it is not dainty. It is smelly. It is on her leg. And my left hand. And I'm afraid to look anywhere else.

And no. They don't have a public bathroom.

Why I hate people, Part 2

Normally, I stay clear of topics of religion and politics on my blog. I have always felt that religious beliefs are best left private. This is self serving as an atheist, as it keeps me clear from God-discussions. And being from the mid-west where the majority of people are Christian, well, let's just say that I don't need to trouble my entire family with may damned-to-hell soul.

Politics, too, has been a topic I have steered clear of here on my blog because again, being of conservative upbringing, and having evolved from that to an independent thinker, I don't want my people to feel that they need to bring me back to the herd. I'm happy out here on my own, thinking for myself. In fact, being from such a conservative upbringing and being able to reflect on it, all the group-think I was surrounded by really freaks me out.

So there's where I stand on religion and politics. I think people should focus on living kindly. Respecting others. Living and let live. I think people should be able to agree to disagree. I think everyone is different, and as human beings sharing the same planet, we can learn a lot from these differences. I believe in sharing in the world. I believe there is no true religion. I don't believe you can worship the wrong God. I think if we scratch beneath the surface of most people, we'll find that most people genuinely mean well, even if their presentation is faulty.

With all that said, and having built the foundation so you know where I'm coming from, let's talk about our drive home from the Halloween party yesterday. We left the party a little early and perplexed by the change in the energy and atmosphere there...a couple of really nasty people kind of took over, and we decided it was time to go. So on the drive home, we began seeing people with signs everywhere..."Yes on 8!" "Yes on 8 means Religious Freedom" "Vote Yes on 8 for Parental Rights".

Huh?! Prop 8 is the measure here in California that hopes to repeal the right for gays to marry. Prop 8 is the measure that limits marriage to be between a man and a woman. Prop 8 has absolutely nothing to do with Religious Freedom or Parental Rights.

As I drove on toward home, there were hundreds of these people aggressively displaying their signs of hatred and loathing of people unlike themselves. They flew their banners high, attempting to persuade others to vote their way based on misinformation. They smiled and waved at ongoing cars, giving everyone the thumbs-up.

I wondered to myself, how can hate looks so gosh darn friendly? Aren't these people really saying "down with those faggots" and "don't give other human beings the same rights that I enjoy"? Is that to say that they feel homosexuals are less than humans? I always thought when you talked about human rights, that meant all the humans, not just the ones like me. Boy, and they sure were happy and exuberant about the whole thing. They really were enjoying their display of rights-limiting hatred. I was disgusted. I felt dirty.

As I write this, reflecting on yesterday's drive, I find my head shaking, my lip curling up like there's a bad taste in my mouth. With all that's going on in the world, with the economy in shambles, at a time that 1 in 10 are out of work....this is what the local church group have chosen to focus their energy on? Petitioning to limit marriage? There are no better causes to focus energy on? Shame on them.

Why I hate people

Yesterday was Dr. H's annual Halloween party. Dr. H was our fertility doctor; every year she hosts a huge party for all the babies that she helped to bring into the world. Babies from 0-1 year come from 11AM-12PM, babies from 1-3 years come from 12-1PM, and babies 3 and up come from 1-2pm. 

We arrived at 11AM with Alia all ready...she had her costume, her accessories, even her little sunglasses that matched the pink in the elephant ears. We strolled her over to the tent in the bright sun...it was like, 80 degrees, so shelter was necessary. I immediately recognized a couple that had been in Dr. H's office waiting room quite a bit when we were going through the IVF process...they, too, had a 3 month old.

We were having a nice enough time...Dr. H was late to arrive and we just chilled out under the tent, had a bottle of water, and enjoyed seeing all the little people in their costumes. We compared notes with other parents, adored the triplets dressed as the 3 bears, and watched as little one-year-olds got their faces painted. It was nice.

Then Dr. H arrived. People began queuing in a line to see her...bringing to mind waiting in line for the Easter Bunny to hold your baby for a photo op. Only there was a little confusion...it seems that there were two lines forming...people didn't know which line to stand in. Ajay and I stayed put under the tent just to enjoy the shade, thinking if we don't get to have our picture taken with the Easter Bunny, I mean, Dr. H, it would be no big deal...Ajay sees her at work all the time and we're going to see her next month when we start thinking about baby #2. We continued to enjoy ourselves; we bounced Alia around, pointed out cute costumes to her, and were having a pleasant time. 

Until she arrived. The know-it-all. The self-proclaimed-authority-on-everything. She came over to those of us sitting and standing under the shade tent and told everyone in a very forceful and hateful manner that the line was forming perpendicular to the tent...those of us in the tent were NOT in line. The line was over there. Even though it shouldn't be...the line SHOULD be under the tent so that people don't have to be in the sun while they're waiting. But she should know, she shouted...this is her 4th year at the party, so she knows how things work. All of us with our little babies obviously haven't been here before this year, so obviously don't know what we're doing.

Huh?! We don't know what we're doing? I thought we were here enjoying ourselves with our baby; I thought we were celebrating with all the other new parents the wonderfulness of having our babies. I thought we were enjoying seeing everyone's little babies dressed up in the cutest ever little Halloween costumes. But apparently, I was wrong...apparently we were supposed to be competing for a spot in the line, elbowing one another out of the way, and getting good and pissed off at all the other people who were there in our way.

That's when the angry lady's toxicity began to spread. As she pointed out that the line was in the sun, a guy said, well, all the people under the shade tent should just move out of it so we can stand in line in the shade. 

Huh?! Wait a minute. All of us, who were pleasantly interacting with one another and relaxing in the tent should have to get up and move? So they could stand under the tent and wait in line? But we were here first...why should we have to move?

The angry lady quickly jumped on the support of the commiserating angry guy and began trying to make all of us in the tent go stand in the sun so that those wanting to wait in the Easter Bunny line could be happy...well, maybe not happy, but out of the sun.

Ajay and I exchanged glances. We couldn't believe the tone that was set by just two angry people.  We were enjoying our family time, enjoying showing Alia something new, enjoying seeing people that also have been through what we've been through with beautiful babies of their own. However, others were hell-bent on controlling the crowd, pushing their agenda, making a competitive sport out of what was supposed to be shared family time...basically, being the stereotypical Americans that people in other countries are horrified by. It was time to go.

I thought I smelled beer on her breath

After my workout, I joined Alia and Ajay for some family R&R in the TV room, and this is what I found.

Nice, Ajay...really nice!

Alert the media

Hold everything.

Hear this.

Alia.

Slept.

Through the night!!!!!!!

Here's my qualifier. She slept exactly 5 1/2 hours straight...from 1 to 6:30 AM, which according to my pediatrician is considered "through the night". My preferred hours for her to sleep! Meaning that normally, her longest stretch of sleep usually begins around 7 p.m. and goes to 11, and then we enjoy seeing each other every 3 hours from that point throughout the night. And although I love love love that little girl, I don't care to see her quite so often in the middle of the night.

I've been asking the universe for some magic...you know, like maybe her long stretch could be in the middle of the night rather than the beginning of the night? So Mommy can get some uninterrupted sleep before it's time to get up?

And my friends, the universe answered. And I feel good. And rested. And I only had to apply a double coat of concealer under my eyes rather than a triple! (Because, still, 5 1/2 hours of sleep isn't close to enough for this girl, but that's not a complaint...don't get me wrong...I'll take sleep from 1-6:30 AM any day!)

High five to the universe!

Alia is 3 months old

Today Alia is 3 months old. This month she has grown so much, both physically and capability-wise. On the physical side, Alia the waif no longer exists. She was previously in the 80th percentile of length and 20th percentile of weight. Well, now my little chunk is still in the 80th percentile of length, but she did some major catching up this month and is now in the 75th percentile of weight...making her perfectly proportioned. 

Alia's interaction this month has been amazing to watch. She laughed for the first time on October 1, and I've spent a whole lot of time trying to coax more laughter out of her since then...only to mild success. As I've said before, Alia isn't a difficult child by any means, but she also really makes you earn her approval!

Alia is now dying to stand up all the time. Her little chunky legs lock into place any time she is positioned upright. She is also sitting upright propped against pillows or in her Bumbo chair. She loves being upright. 

Alia is now watching me from across the room. She doesn't like it when I'm not around. She tracks me constantly. Although I'm definitely her center of focus, she is also showing signs of being very social. She loves to meet people...neighbors on our walks, people on the street when we're strolling, you name it. She is interested in faces, and loves to hear her name.

Alia's new favorite game is "baby in the mirror" which is where I stand her up on her little locked out chunky legs on the bathroom counter top and point to the baby in the mirror. I bounce her up and down, saying 1-2-3333333333333 and lift her high on the 3, all the while her gaze is locked on her smiling reflection in the mirror. She really finds herself fascinating.

This month, we've also been getting out more with Alia. I'm taking her places by myself, which is a good thing for both of us. And Ajay and I are much more likely to take her to the mall, out to eat, etc.

Sleep is another story. I'm still waiting for her to consistently sleep longer hours. Right now her longest sleep stretch happens from about 7 in the evening til 12 in the morning. From there she may wake up 2 more times in the night, roughly every 2.5-3 hours. I am very tired. I would like more sleep in longer stretches for both of us.

Watching this baby grow and become has been the highlight of my life. I can't imagine our life without this little person!

My little retail girl

Saturday, the stars aligned. Alia was fed, clothed, clean, and happy at a time when both of us were rested enough to consider driving. So Ajay and I took the little munchkin to the Japanese market---Daddy wanted some Soba noodles. Afterwards, we planned to hit South Coast Plaza if she held up.

Now, the Japanese market that we love is filled with a wonderful food court with maybe a dozen different restaurants to choose from. There is also a Japanese toy store, video store, cosmetics store, a full scale grocer, as well as some pottery shops with teacups and figurines just to name a few. I immediately chose the toy store with it's bright colors and tons of Hello Kitty things for Alia to look at.

And was Mommy right, or was Mommy right? Alia was like a kid in a candy store...or rather, a baby in a toy store. Her eyes lit up with all the things to look at. Her little melon head darted from here to there. She made her excited little breathy huffle puffle noises. She was in retail heaven.

From the toy store, we hit the food court. Alia loved looking at everybody. After Ajay got his fix of soba noodles and tempura, we headed for the car. Alia, who had been held the entire time in the market, surprised us when we attempted to put her in her car seat. Tears began to flow, sadness oozed out of her little soul. She did not want to go. She loved her retail experience. 

So me, being completely in tune with my little girl, raced her over to South Coast Plaza for more retail stimulation. And all was right with the world again.

I can't help myself

I went down to town yesterday with Alia. By myself...no extra set of hands just in case. Yes, she's 12 weeks old, but I am a woman  intimidated by my own stroller. Baby steps.

So we strolled around downtown Laguna Beach, and I ended up in a child's clothing boutique. Okay, first of all...I adore all the cute little political onesies..."My Mama's for Obama" or the little Beatles onesies and the Bob Marley onesies...I just love 'em. As I was sorting through, trying to decide which of the wide variety I'd be taking home with me, I noticed the price tag on these adorable little morsels...$40!? for a freaking onesie? That Alia will wear for about 13 days at this rate of growth? 

Seriously. Am I crazy? Or is that just what things cost these days? Did I miss something along the way? 

Well...let's just think this through...those little boutique onesies are awfully cute...and I do tend to put the cuter outfits on her more often...so they probably cost the same per use, right? RIGHT???? And let's not forget about the socks!

This is what I get for sleeping

This morning, after Alia woke up wanting to be fed at 5 am, I convinced her to take a little nap with Mommy. Although she was fussy, she decided it would be okay to lie next to me if I would let her chomp away on my index finger. I drifted off to sleep thinking hmmm, I wonder if Alia is teething already?

So off to napland I drifted...and I had the most bizarre dream. I dreamed that I was brushing Alia's teeth with one of those rotary toothbrushes made for kids...only it was now...and she didn't have any teeth yet!

So I freaked out, wondering just how much damage I had done to her baby gum tissue with that brush, and decided the best thing to do would be to wash her gums with a wash cloth. Because yeah, that would make it better. Totally.

Whew

What a couple of days it's been. No, nothing crazy...no one got hurt. No one broke a bone or ended up in jail. But can I just say how challenging it is to function on so little sleep for 3 months? Just when I thought we rounded a corner and Alia slept for 5 hours one stretch and then another 4 hours all in one night, she's back to waking every 3 hours.

Yesterday was  a brutal day for Ajay at work too. So between my continuing fatigue and him getting totally worked at work, let's just say that we were both in bed by the crack of 9 last night. And how out of it am I? I didn't even realize it was the finale of Project Runway last night! I mean, it's not Top Chef, but since the writer's strike of last season, I'm a pretty dedicated addict to Bravo's reality line up! Except Top Design...I don't like the main lady's voice...the Brit? Yeah, she bugs me...but anyway...I've proven that these are the ramblings of a crazy lady!

Alia visits her fan club

Today Ajay had a break in between cases so we thought it would be a good day to surprise the nurses at his surgery center with an Alia visit. These are the same nurses that threw me the most gracious and over the top baby shower when I was about 7 months pregnant.

This is also the surgery center where I had my laparoscopy and hysteroscopy before doing IVF and they took amazing care of me.

Upon arrival, the head of the center was waiting for me at the door. She greeted me with a huge hug and I plopped Alia right into her arms. At first, Alia only had eyes for me...but as more and more of her fan club gathered around, Alia really hammed it up. She smiled. She cooed. She was one very good baby.

Too Tired to Care

Going through the house yesterday, I realized something about myself since Alia joined our family. I am a big, fat energy waster. For example... I leave the living room  lights turned on the dimmest setting all night. I do this because I know she'll wake me up throughout the night, and I don't want to trip over something with her in my arms in the dark. Why can't I just turn them on when she wakes me up?

Another thing is I leave her monitor in her crib, plugged in and turned on all day. Why? I don't know. Same goes for the fan in Alia's room...it's on all the time. I read somewhere that they believe there is a correlation between air circulation and SIDS, meaning putting your baby down for a nap while a fan is on reduces the risk. So the fan is on. All the time. And by the way, so is the white noise machine that lulls Alia to sleep when the time comes, and helps her stay asleep by blocking out daytime noises. 

Oh, and let's not forget my computer...I try to remember to turn it off, but oftentimes when I'm online, I don't finish reading this or that, and it ends up minimized at the bottom of my screen at the end of day, so I don't turn off the computer in the interest of finishing reading what I started. I also don't like to turn it off because it takes it 47 minutes to re-boot. Who's got that kind of time with a 2 1/2 month old at home? Oh, and my computer is not the sleek, modern machine that my husband owns...the new Mac Powerbook. My computer is the equivalent to a 1973 Impala, chugging down energy and belching it out from time to time...it practically produces exhaust it's so old and antiquated and well, inefficient. So it totally makes sense that I leave it on all the time, right? 

So after paying a $500 energy last month, which to be fair, we have had one of the hottest Septembers in history so the AC was on all day every day (and still couldn't get our house below a balmy 78 degrees running full blast), I've challenged myself to try harder. Turn off the lights. Turn off the computer. Turn off the fan. Turn off the noise machine. Leave my computer on because, well, it may not be able to handle one more re-boot. Turn off the closet light. Turn off the stairway light to the garage. Make an effort. I mean, what is the benefit of buying all these environmentally friendly detergents and dish soaps when I can't even turn off the TV? Oh, and the TV? It's not actually playing a program. Several hours ago, I hit pause on the TIVO because Alia needed me, and I never made it back to finish the program or turn off the TV. And it's a big TV.

For the record

Today was a big day in the Lalvani household...Alia laughed for the first time!!! It was the sweetest, most heartwarming moment! So, shall I share what made my little one shriek with laughter? Okay, since you asked....

Ajay was home this morning because he's working overnight tonight. We decided to make a Costco run with Alia...a new feat never before accomplished. The reason for the run? We're dangerously low on baby wipes. What is dangerously low in my mind? Less than a case, or less than 704 wipes. Yeah, I have a strange attachment and need for wipes...I'm a wierdo.

Anyway, I gave Alia a bath this morning, and decided she should wear her Obama onesie to Costco. So while I was dressing her, I was just talking to her, telling her that she was showing her respect from the west siiiiide...I was using my ghetto inflection in an attempt of keepin' it real. And when I said west siiiide, I flashed my west-siiiiide gang sign...you know the one...where you cross your ring finger with your middle finger, and hide your thumb so all that you see is the shape of a "W"?

Well, apparently, Alia knew that her Mommy does not have a whole lot of gangsta in her blood. She looked up with huge eyes, and cracked the biggest smile ever. So I repeatedly represented and flashed my "w" and said " west-siiiiiide for Obama, ahhh, yeeeeah!" That's when it happened...absolutely positively 100% sure...laughter!

But now reflecting on it myself...the white suburban housewife representin' in Laguna Beach, I suppose I do see the humor of it all.

Alia felt that her Obama onesie just didn't have enough pizazz...so she opted to add her flamenco skirt to complete the look