Shit!

So today has started out with a great big "how in the world am I going to do this?". Last night at midnight I woke up with that feeling in my stomach...the one that tells you you're going to be throwing up all night so you might as well get up and start getting it over with. Sure enough, I got food poisoning. So bad that I had to wake up Ajay and have him take over Amelie's night duty even though he had to go in for a 24 hour shift first thing in the morning. Yeah...let's just say a rough start to the day all around at our household.

The good thing is that it was definitely food poisoning and not some contagious virus that could have put my girls in danger. I woke up feeling better if not a little inside out. But as with Ajay , it's not like you get to call in sick as a Mom...the show must go on.

This morning Ajay's Mom is sadly absent...she spent her night with friends in a nearby city. My sister is in town visiting, thank God, but all in all, this is the least amount of hands-on help I've had since the baby was born...me and my sister (who absolutely loves her nieces, but with no kids of her own, is a little apprehensive when it comes to the amount of chaos around here).

Alia of course woke up a little turned around...missing her dad and grandmother. Although we told her "Daddy's at work" she continued looking for him for the first hour she was awake. Talk about heartbreaking. From here she went into a behavioral tailspin. Since she's used to going for a stroll with her Grandmother every morning, I thought it might be a good idea to take her out of the house to keep her schedule regular and provide her with a clean break from her obsession with finding Ajay in the house. I'll just pack Amelie in the Ergo baby and push Alia in the stroller and head out for a nice walk. Good plan, right? Wrong!

Once we were on the walk, I realized to my dismay that I don't do the walk as well as Grandma does. Alia has several (20 or so) stops on her walk where certain things need to happen. You have to stop and look at the berries on a certain tree. You have to visit the Koi pond at a certain neighbors house. You have to knock on certain street signs. Stop at the cement dog. Let her tap her feet on certain rocks, find worms in irrigation runoff...you get the idea. If you haven't done this walk with Grandma, you're set up for failure. And I haven't done this walk with Grandma in 4 weeks...so a lot has evolved.

Right out of the gate, I missed something. Alia shrieked as I continued on past something that I was supposed to show her---still don't know what it was. Around the next corner I missed something else...this time the shrieking turned to real tears. "Mommy! You're doing it all wrong!" was the clear message. This continued for the remainder of the walk, and by the time we got home, both girls were crying. It was probably the lowest point I've had as a Mom in awhile. I'm the Mom. I'm supposed to know how to take them for walks. But in my post all-nighter with my toilet, I just barely made it through calming them both down before the thoughts came...How am I going to make it through today? Or this year?

Alia is 16 months old!

Well, as I said last month, this is my first monthly post that Alia is not an only child...she's now officially my oldest, a big sister, a sibling. And what a month it's been. Alia's sister Amelie has been with us almost 3 weeks now and there is so much to say but so little time to say it these days.

As I've said before, I am so proud of who Alia is and who she is becoming. With the arrival of Amelie, we've come to see a whole new side of Alia...Alia the caretaker, Alia the concerned older sister. She comes to the bathroom to make sure all is okay when Amelie is crying while getting her diaper changed. Alia brings Amelie's pacifier and offers it up like "here, Mommy, try this...she likes it". Alia hasn't shown too many signs of jealousy or done much lashing out, although she seems to accept that I hold the baby nearly all the time, but doesn't like her Dad to hold her at all.

Alia has all sorts of new tricks. She now walks backwards, turns in circles on command, and pulls her barrettes out of her hair as soon as they go in. Alia eats with a fork and spoon, but still prefers to go at it with her hands from time to time. What started out as a fascination with Daddy's belly button has turned into a full blown obsession with all belly buttons...her own, mine, her Grandma's and even our neighbor, who is kind enough to show her whenever she asks.

Alia's understanding of the world around her has grown exponentially this month. You can tell Alia to do just about anything and she understands what's being asked of her. When we say "namaste", she smiles her biggest Alia smile and puts her hands together in prayer position in front of her. If we ask her where something is, her little palms face the sky and her shoulders shrug as if to say "you got me, Mommy!". Alia's verbal vocabulary is growing as well, although not quite as quickly as her understanding of words. If I ask her to say doggy, she responds with a big smile and says Bow Wow! With the arrival of Amelie, Alia added "baby" to her repertoire, and now proudly points out every baby she sees, be it in magazines, mailers, or at the park.

Alia has loved having her Dad home with her since I went into the hospital. My stay there was really tough on her, but she's bounced back and it's as if I was never gone. She is also enjoying all the extra visitors...my Mom, Ajay's Mom, and my sister who arrives this Friday. Ajay returns to work tomorrow, which is bound to be a big adjustment for her, but we've decided it's best to tell her when her Dad is leaving and where he's going as opposed to our old method of distracting her and having him sneak away....this tactic only made her panicky and feel the need to follow him every minute of the day to make sure he doesn't disappear.

Alia is starting to interact with her surroundings much more this month. She plays with toys much more independently now.  She loves to hide in her tent and play with her new stove; she loves bouncing and throwing and kicking balls. She is a happy and beautiful child if I do say so myself.

So all in all, we're surviving! A newborn and a 16 month old is a little crazy, but it's our life and I vasilate between wanting to freeze time and keep them both at this age forever, and hoping they'll grow up just a little bit so I can see what's next, and getting a little sleep would be a bonus!

Hello, world!

Right now we're smack dab in the middle of baby central. Ajay is off this week for his final week of paternity leave (which by the way, is basically unpaid leave since doctors aren't allowed to be humans), Maya is here helping with the little ones, and I'm doing my thing to try to take care of both of my girls.

I've been on night duty for the majority of the past few weeks, with the exception of a couple of nights that Ajay covered because I was out of steam. See, I figure we need one person who is fully charged to keep pace with Alia, and since her mornings can start pretty early, and Amelie sleeps until 7 or so, I thought it would be best to give Alia her full-fill of Ajay as much as possible while he's off work. Which means I'm getting up to change diapers and feed Amelie every two and a half hours every night...for the most part.

Am I unhappy about this? Nope, not at all. In fact, I'm amazed at how much easier it is the second time around. Sure we're tired...we have a 15 month old and a 2 week old for Gods-sake! But all in all, I don't find the lack of sleep to be so shocking this time. That, and I have help, and I'm willing to allow the help to happen, as opposed to feeling like I need to do everything and be everything to everyone like last time.

So today? We took Amelie to her 2 week appointment at the pediatrician. And despite my slight fear that I'm allowing Amelie to eat more often than her sister did, she weighed in 3 ounces lighter than Alia did at this age (long story...with Alia the La Leche people had me so convinced that formula feeding lead to a lifetime of poor health and obesity since babies will suck down a whole bottle very rapidly and demand more formula because they don't realize they're already full...so I only allowed her to eat every 3 hours, which sometimes lead to a very unhappy baby). This time around? If my baby is hungry, I'm feeding her. Yes, like Alia I'm supplementing breastmilk with formula, but this time around I have the self assurance to know that even if Amelie gets chunky around 6 months like Alia did, it's not a big deal because they burn it off as soon as they start walking...who knew?

So we're all doing well, all happy, healthy, if a little tired. And loving the newborn experience the second time around.

Family of four...

Hi!
Well, where have I been for the last 10 days? Good question...I can't seem to come up with anything that has kept me away from the computer except for the new teeny tiny girl that's been added to my family...Amelie. Yes, a newborn takes up a surprisingly large amount of time...although she's only awake 5 hours a day, those are 5 chaotic ours considering my other big girl is very very fast, very very interested, and very very needing of everyone's full attention.
And by everyone? I mean, myself, Ajay, my Mom who is visiting this week, Ajay's Mom who is here for about another month, as well as my part time nanny who I've hired to help me out when Ajay goes back to work. That's right...Alia needs it all. And if some one happens to leave the room and her circle of admiration and attentiveness? She squawks in the most unpleasant of ways to get us back where we belong...playing with her.
So the transition? Not too terribly bad on Alia. Although she does seem to be a little bit mad at me, which breaks my heart because it means she holds me responsible for her sister. But that's okay...I know that a sister is the best gift I can give her.
So Alia....outside of being a little out of her element, is doing extremely well. The other night we were all hanging out in the formal living room. On the coffee table were a few glasses of wine, a baby bottle for Amelie and a pacifier for Amelie (Alia quit hers cold turkey at 3 months old). Well anyway, we were all sitting and chatting...Alia on Ajay's lap enjoying story time, me holding Amelie on my shoulder trying to coax out her teeny tiny elusive burps, and my Mom, Ajay's Mom Maya, and Maya's cousin. Anyway, at one point, Alia jumps up and off Ajay's lap, and takes a few quick strides with outreached arms toward the coffee table. I was concerned that red wine would be flying off the table....Ajay was concerned that Alia would grab the bottle of pumped breast milk and down it right on the spot. But instead? What did my precious sweetie pie do? She grabbed the pacifier and handed to me and then patted Amelie's foot. She turned around and handed me the baby's bottle for Amelie.

Does it get any sweeter than that?

Amelie Iman was born!

Well, here I sit on my bed, in my home, and I have to say, it's good to be here. I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday and have been enjoying time at home with my family, and it's newest teeny tiny addition.

Amelie's arrival was uneventful. As far as c-sections go, this one was perhaps a little easier as I knew what to expect, but at the same time, I have to say, surgery of any kind is inherently scary to me. But, that said, we sailed through, and now we have a little sweet girl named Amelie. She, like her sister, weighed 6 pounds 12 ounces, and was 20 inches long.

I will be posting photos in the very near future.

Tomorrow is almost here

Tomorrow is my big day...Amelie will join the world sometime before 8AM. I can't wait. I'm ready.

I'm not ready, however, to leave Alia. All day, Ajay has had to put up with my annoying reminders of what time of day she gets juice, when she gets milk, how to keep her safer from herself. I suppose he's smart enough to know that I'm freaking out about being away from her. And that's when I got a note from a friend telling me when she was in the hospital, she was dying to see her other kids, and when they came to her room after her delivery, they were more interested in all the new buttons to push than seeing her. Her wisdom of enjoying this solo time with Amelie did not fall on deaf ears...it was just the input I needed. After all, as she said, I'll be back home before I know it, and there won't be a nice nurse to bring me things!

So in 10 hours give or take, I'll be meeting my new little girl. I can't wait to see what she looks like, hear what her little cries sound like, hold her little hands, and cuddle her tightly. I can't wait to put her on my chest and watch as she sleeps there...Poor Alia squirms away from my needy Mommy hugs, but I get a whole new chance of anytime cuddling with little Amelie.

Today I've taken it really easy. Ajay's Mom and I went for manicure/pedicures, and while they took Alia to town for a walkabout, I napped for a few hours, which is all my bladder would allow. Now that everyone else in the house is resting, I have a few minutes alone with my thoughts. I realize I'm not nervous this time around. I don't have the "we're going to Disneyland tomorrow" feeling that I had when I was going into the hospital last time either...I am much more calm and even keeled. I'm not worried that I'll die during the c-section, that the baby will be cut by my doctor's scalpel, or any of those other odd fears I had last time. I feel comfortable that I'm in good hands.

I've arranged for plenty of help for Maya while Ajay and I are in the hospital tomorrow. We have the best neighbors in the world right across the street, who have always had an open door policy when it comes to Alia drop-ins. All in all? We're all set! Amelie arrives tomorrow!