A day in Ojai

Today we enjoyed another day here at the Ojai Valley Spa. My day began with an early wake up, compliments to my favorite early-to-bed-early-to-rise girl, Alia. She woke up at about 6AM, which was kind of a bummer, as I woke up at around 1AM, and couldn't get back to sleep until 5ish...yeah, one of those nights. Insomnia. 

But why? I haven't experienced insomnia like this in years...back in my old life of working a very stressful job with very early wake-ups...I would be so scared of not waking up on time, I'd often spend many nights tossing and turning. Last night was no different than all those nights: my mind wandered aimlessly, my ears caught every noise...the heat firing up and running...the cycle ending. Time passing, and the heat cycle beginning again. I heard every door that opened and closed at the entire resort. I heard Alia's sweet little snores. I heard Ajay's bigger sweet snores. And still, in my exhausted state, I couldn't find my sleep. So when I heard Alia begin to toss around in her little crib only a few feet from our bed, I knew that was it for the sleep option.

Once I was up and awake and beginning the day, I realized I wasn't the only girl that didn't feel so refreshed today. Alia, the morning girl of all morning girls had several cry cycles in the AM...which is not like her at all. Normally she has one cry cycle before she goes to sleep at night, and maybe a little crying before going down for a nap, but all in all, she's typically very pleasant during the morning and daytime. 

Ajay hit the gym early, and when he returned, I headed out for my first pedicure in ages. It was the pedicure to end all pedicures. A reclining chair...a warm blanket on my lap...a lavender filled thingy placed beneath my neck in my reclined chair. A chamomile eye pad to block out the sunlight. And a citrus infused scent that filled the air. It was so wonderful, so relaxing, so sleep inviting...but still, I couldn't! But I did leave an hour later feeling much more refreshed. 

After the spa, we headed into the little town for lunch at a local fish place. Alia didn't really love being in her stroller, and being a little cranky, we took turns eating while the other strolled her around outside the restaurant. Finally, the little chic went to sleep on the ride back to the hotel, but only for a few minutes. 

And now as I sit reflecting on our day, after a brutal bedtime with Alia, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing...not the tiredness, not the inability to dine together, not the separate spa/gym times....nothing.

Ho Ho Ho!

Right now we're in Ojai, California taking a spa weekend getaway to celebrate Christmas. This being our first holiday with Alia, we wanted to do something special. Just the three of us....low key, and something we'd enjoy as opposed to suffer through.

We drove up on Christmas Eve morning, among the other 10 million Los Angelinos striving to get to Grandmother's house in time for the turkey... and in my family's case, the drunken fest that is Christmas. Okay, I exaggerate, but I think one needs to show up with a little drinkie on board to make family holidays more tolerable...ooops, I mean fun. But that's not what I'm talking about today.

After a somewhat grueling drive in rain and aggressive holiday drivers, we arrived to a wonderfully warm, beautiful resort. The resort consists of lots and lots of hacienda style buildings, and one of the best spas in the country. Ohhh, the pressing I'm going to have in just a couple of hours...I am so excited! A massage for Mommy! And no baby watching! It really is a Christmas miracle!!!

Last night we decided to open our presents and celebrated in our little room with a lovely bottle of  champagne, followed by a martini for Mommy and a favorite holiday beer for Ajay. Since Alia was early to bed, Ajay ran down to one of the restaurants and ordered take-out; while the room service menu was adequate, we just didn't feel like chicken tenders and a Caesar salad. So anyway, Ajay came back with dinner in boxes...salmon with gnocchi and sole on a bed of mashed potatoes with green beans. The boxes the dinner was packed in added to the charm of our little family of 3 dinner in the room, as did the hand towels we used for napkins, and the utter lack of silverware. Yep, that's right...Ajay's kind waiter forgot to send silverware with us. And rather than sending Ajay back into the rain, we borrowed two of Alia's brand new baby spoons and gobbled up our dinner in very tiny bites. 

And it couldn't have been more wonderful, more perfect, more anything. I am so happy. 

Alia is 5 months old

Alia is five months old. This past month has been filled with lots of new things and new adventures. First and foremost, Alia has cut her first two teeth. The better to bite Mommy with!

This month, Alia made her first trip in an airplane across the country to meet her granddad. Alia has also discovered that she can grab her little feet, and does so every time she's on her back; and while she seems to think she's helping with her diaper changes, it actually makes the whole procedure quite comical. I stretch her legs out, and POP she bends her little chubby legs right back and holds her feet....as if to say, "see, Mommy? I'm helping."

Alia now reaches for my face when I'm near...it warms my heart to see her trying to get to me. She has also found her voice and squawks at me to get my attention. She is kind of pushy that way and totally cracks me up... patience is not in this girl's skill set at this point.

This month Alia slept through the night several times, and while this may not be a big thing to brag about for some people, it's huge for us. She doesn't want to miss a thing and fights like crazy to get out of napping; and when she does go down for a nap, thirty minutes is a long one for her.

Alia is really interacting with her toys now. She loves to play in her Jumperoo, which we call "the office" because I swear when she's in there, it looks like she's at a desk at work and she does not like to be interrupted. 

Alia loves toys that spin. We put the little tray adapter on her Bebe pod chair and it has a spinny toy that snaps in...one would think that one spinny would be enough to occupy her, but not our girl....she needs at least one spinny per hand. And I'm happy to do that for her.

Alia began eating solids this month. We started with rice cereal, and then...carrots, then green beans which she thought were good. Peas? Just average. Sweet potatoes? Excellent. And the maple syrup she snuck off Daddy's plate? Out of this world. Alia will now wash everything down with water...which she didn't like at first but now drinks like a champ.

This month, Alia rolled over a couple of times, but isn't much interested in anything revolving around tummy time. She prefers to stand...all the time. 

On the personality side,  Alia laughs and has a definite  sense of humor. She interacts with her admirers, but is still shy about being held by anyone else. She can get overwhelmed by new faces, but when she wears her Santa hat, she loves all the attention she gets. This month, Alia also survived her first day being babysat when I had the flu. She has been consistently going to bed around 6 pm and is ready to get up again at 6 am...with one time awake at night... she holds her bottle for us while we change her diaper in the wee hours; it's the cutest thing to look down in the dim light and see her tiny little hands grasping what seems to be a huge container...again looking up at me as if to say, "see Mommy? I'm helping!" And after the night time bottle, she's right back to sleep. 

Alia has discovered whining, much to my dismay. Very much to my dismay...I despise whiny kids!!! I know, kids will whine. But I just don't like it at all!

The hair on back of her head isn't growing at the same rate as the front and sides...in fact, most of the hair on the back of her head has broken off...but the hair in the front and the sides is getting longer and longer. This makes for quite an interesting overall affect. I've thought about trimming the sides so it will all grow out together...I've thought about all sorts of styling options...my only solution to this point is to always put her in the Baby Bjorn so the balding back of her head is hidden!

Needless to say, this month we've fallen more deeply in love with our little girl, which at this time last month, I would have said was impossible. She continues to warm our hearts and delight us with all the little things she does.

My genetic need to bundle

So it's wintertime, right? Even if we are in Southern California. To me, it's cold. It's been down in the 40s at night and only getting up to 60 during the day. I know, I know...being from the Midwest, believe me, I know what cold is. I went to college in Bloomington, Indiana and that place got serious snow. My roommate and I would very apprehensively ask one another to be picked up from class (when it worked with the other's schedule) when it snowed two or three feet...and we'd feel guilty about not being able to tough it out! Seriously...we actually did walk to school in three feet of snow! And did I mention the hills in that town? I swear they were always uphill. I digress.

Anyway...at night, since it's been getting so much colder lately, I've been putting Alia to bed in a Halo sleep sack...fleece, of course. Did I mention before how much I love that thing? Anyway...it's sleeveless, which means you have to put PJ's on beneath it...and so I put Alia's favorite night time onesie on underneath...built in feet, zip up the front, and yes, fleece. So you've tallied it correctly...that's two layers of fleece for her night time pleasure.

And at night, just before Ajay and I drift off to sleep, I invariably give him a nudge and ask, "do you think Alia's warm enough?" and he replies, "yes, I think Alia is warm enough". I respond with "you don't think I should wrap her in a blanket?" and he replies, "she's already wrapped in a blanket...the sleep sack is a blanket that's fitted just for her". And I respond with, "but you don't think she needs another layer....like maybe wrapping another blanket around the sleep sack?" and Ajay replies with "I don't think we're supposed to put blankets in the crib with her this young, right? Isn't that why we got the sleep sack?" and I reply "You're right"...but in the back of my mind, I doubt his rightness...I really think she needs one more layer of blankets in our 70 degree furnace-heated home. Because I'm a Mommy.

Rain, rain, and more rain!

Today it's raining for the second time this week...not just a light rain...rain that lasts from the time you wake up and doesn't stop all day or night. And the bonus today is that there was a scheduled power outage...so what would have only been a cold, dark, rainy winter day just got a little colder and a little darker. 

For the 4 or 5 hours that we were without power, I thought a lot about what it would have been like to have a baby before power...thank goodness her Jumperoo works on batteries, and thank goodness I could just turn on some warm water to mix with her formula rather than relying on the electric bottle warmer. And thank goodness it was daylight during the outage so we could still play with [battery operated] toys and read books, right?

But in all seriousness, having a day at home with no power made me introspective.... thankful for all that I do have. Thankful I didn't have to leave the warmth of my home to go anywhere...work...day care drop off... thankful that Alia is healthy and happy. Thankful that I get to be with her all day every day. I'm thankful that we live in a time of plenty, and if she wants something extra to eat before bedtime or anytime for that matter, it's no big deal. I'm sure my grandmother, having lived through the Great Depression knew what it was like to go to bed hungry. Alia on the other hand, is outgrowing clothes that are months ahead of where she should be age-wise.

And tonight, as Alia threw her last little tantrum, trying to tell me how much her teeth hurt, trying to tell me how tired she was, trying to tell me how hard it is to sleep when a) you're just a baby and b) your teeth are killing you, I felt gracious to have this time, to be able to hold her and comfort her and hum in her ear. As her screams quieted into quiet gurgley little protests, and finally her little body went limp, I tucked her in and again, felt so fortunate to have this time with this little person who needs me.

Alia's first Christmas gift exchange

This weekend we went up to LA to visit Ajay's brother and his family. Since they'll be in Mexico for the holidays this year, we thought we'd have our gift exchange early.

On Sunday morning, we got on the road early. When we got there, we all decided to go to their amazing farmer's market. I packed Alia into the Baby Bjorn and we walked over...and she wouldn't hear of leaving her Santa hat at home. You get the picture...

So into the farmer's market we go, and the more bouncy the ride, the happier Alia got. Her arms flapped, her legs kicked, she smiled from ear to ear and made little shrieks of laughter. She was quite the spectacle...women, children, and even grumpy old men stopped to admire her in all her bouncy cuteness. She was the bell of the ball!

Does anybody just make babies anymore?

Okay, I know that reproduction does happen for normal people with normal lives without the intervention of brilliant reproductive specialists...I just don't seem to hear much about them! Except for my brother and Ajay's brother, it seems like a lot of the people I'm close to have gone through some type of reproductive "help" as my Mom calls it.
Yesterday I visited one of my best friends for lunch. It was her birthday, and she was stuck on bed rest after her 2nd IVF transfer...the first attempt didn't take. Tonight we're having dinner with friends who are also trying to conceive. Tomorrow night? Dinner with other friends who went through IVF twice to get their first daughter, and a third and final time with frozen embryos to attempt to make a sibling for their daughter, which failed.
Is it age? Is it that we have our lives together and the only thing missing is babies? Is it that we're impatient and don't have the 5 or 6 years of trying that our parent's generation accepted as the way it was? Is it because our generation has waited longer to start having kids, meaning we don't have time on our sides to be patient?
So with all that said, with my next round of IVF coming up within two months or so, I'm hoping against the odds that some miracle will happen and my unexplained infertility will subside and a baby will magically (well, not magically...I know how babies are made) plant itself in my awaiting and perfectly healed uterus. I hope that I don't have to take the drugs. I hope that I can just be like those normal people from fairytales that make babies the old fashioned way. But if it doesn't happen in the next couple of months, we'll move forward like was planned and begin round two.

Mommy and Me Yoga

For the last few weeks, I've been meaning to check out a Mommy & Me yoga class. Before Alia, I did a lot of yoga...I was pretty regular about going to classes, and thought this might be just the thing to help me with some level of fitness, and let's be honest...it's something to do with the baby! There's only so many hours of "baby in the mirror" that either of us really enjoys!

So, after a very sleepless night, I decided today was the perfect day to go to the class; I looked up the class time online...1PM. Okay, not the greatest time... considering that it's pretty certain that Alia would normally be napping at that time. But enough with the excuses. Make it happen.

So although Alia seemed to be tired, I packed her up and put her in the car...it was about a 25 minute drive, so I figured she could have a micro nap on the way there...after all, Alia's daytime naps usually don't last longer than 30 minutes, so this could work out perfectly! Only Alia didn't fall asleep until we were 5 minutes away from class; I decided to let her sleep as long as possible and went into the class just as it was beginning with a less-than-refreshed Alia.

So once inside, Alia perked up. "Look at all the babies! Look at all the Mommies! I'm in heaven!" was written all over her sweet little face. She cooed. She made her sweetest flirtatious noises. She giggled. And then class started. I think it was about this time that Alia realized that the whole class didn't come to see her, and that all the Mommies were doing their own things.

One of the smaller babies started crying. The Mommy next to me whipped out her boob and shoved it in her baby's mouth. The lady across from me opened her son's diaper which was full of poop and began vigorously wiping away the poop and changing him there on her yoga mat. The baby that was breast feeding belched up a bunch of milk. This was all much more organic than I had imagined. And right on queue, Alia began to cry. Not just a whimper, but a full blown, lung exercising, ear piercing cry. And it didn't get much better than this for the remainder of the 55 minute class. I think I may have joined in for three poses?

Now that's a good way to spend $20! But hey, it gave me something to write about, right? And, looking on the bright side, now we know!

Cry it out

Oh boy, was last night a toughie. Since we got back from Florida, where Alia slept like a dream for 12 straight hours almost every night, she's been getting up every night with the exception of one...a step backwards.

I've talked to a lot of people about this, and all of them, including my pediatrician, my obstetrician, and friends with multiple kids come back with the same three words: Cry It Out.

Well, being a big fat softie, I can hardly fathom this. My pediatrician asked if we're still feeding her in the night...guilty as charged. Usually Alia was sleeping through the 11PM feeding and waking up sometime around 1AM or 2AM, and I justified in my mind that it had been 7 hours since she ate last, so of course she's starving, right?

Well, actually since her Florida sleep-a-thon, she's proven that she no longer needs to eat throughout the night. But still...when we returned from Florida, she got her 4 month vaccinations and ran a mild fever for several days, so I felt that it wasn't fair to withhold her bottle at night while she was already sick. And then after the fever, well, she started teething! And God knows the little girl was in pain, and the bottle did seem to calm her and allow her to get back to sleep. Yeah, you get my point. From the outside looking in, I can see that there's always going to be a reason.

So last night, when Alia cried for her bottle at 11PM, I decided I'd change her diaper and put her back down. And at most, I'd give her some water, which is what my pediatrician suggested as a way to bridge the gap between getting a full bottle and nothing at all. So after 15 minutes of crying, I went in, changed her, and put her back down. She cried.

Another 15 minutes passed of her crying and I picked her up and rocked her and patted her and then put her back down. She cried. For fifteen more minutes, I lied on the floor in her room out of her site and listened to her cry. Then I got the water and gave it to her while she lied in the crib...I wanted minimal disruption. She finished the water and was quiet. Exhale.

I headed back to bed. Then right as I went to sleep, the crying began. At this point I woke Ajay up to ask him if I was doing the right thing, and he reinforced that I had to at least give it a shot, because we hadn't been moving forward on our own. So finally, around 1AM, all was quiet.

Until 3:30AM... when I heard the whimpers again on the monitor. At this point, I was weakened and tired, and thought to myself that if I gave her the bottle, she'd be back to sleep in 10 minutes and then we could all sleep...but the other side of me prevailed and I recommitted to sticking with this for at least tonight. And the whimpers stopped with no intervention.

This morning, I heard Alia's happy little grunting noises around 6AM, which is a totally reasonable time for getting up...much better than the 5AM wake ups of the entire last week.

Did it work? I don't know...we'll see what happens tonight.

Let's eat!!!

So it seems like time is flying. The 6.8 pound waif of a baby I brought home in July now approaches 20 pounds. She is locking her legs and standing bolt upright with assistance any time she has the opportunity. She's rolled over on her own. And she's starting to eat food!

So far, Alia has tried carrots, peas, and rice cereal. This does not include the tiny bite of sweet potatoes that Ajay fed her from his plate last week, which Alia thought was the best thing she'd ever imagined. Until pancakes. Yep, Sunday Ajay and I headed to an old favorite spot of ours, Habana, the Cuban restaurant where we had our first date and were regular Friday night patrons before Alia. Now it's Sunday brunch, but hey, I'm just glad some one else is doing the cooking and cleaning up! Who cares what day it is. Anyway, after pancakes, I was afraid she'd never be interested in vegetables again! I digress. So needless to say, our girl is very, very interested in all things related to food. So far the only thing she doesn't like is the rice cereal....and after tasting it, I don't blame her...kind of bland!

Seems like forever since I've been able to sit down and write something with me and only me. Right now Alia is in bed and Ajay is working later than usual. Exhale. Me time! I remember this...vaguely!

As I sit here with only myself.... the Christmas cards all filled out and dropped off at the post office today, the dishes done, Alia's bottles for the next 24 hours made, I can actually feel good about putting my feet up and relaxing...but then my head starts spinning...I should unload the dishwasher. I should try to re-light the pilot lights on our remote control fireplaces. God knows when I'll have the free time to accomplish that!I should see about ordering that last Christmas gift online. I should put my shoes away, throw in a load of laundry, I should order Alia a new jacket for winter. I should work on Ajay's year-end expense report. I should I should I should.

Welcome to my mind. Welcome to my world.

This weekend, as I raced around doing laundry, tending to Alia, getting ready for our friends to come for dinner, straightening the house, I would observe Ajay sitting on the couch with his feet up, happily relaxed, watching football. As I continued to address Christmas cards, he'd surf the internet...again, happily. As I folded clothes and put them away and attempted to make some order our of our closet, Ajay continued to take it easy. The whole time, he asked, "is there anything I can do for you" but my answer was no...because in my head, my task list is mine.

And as I sit here now, taking time for myself, I am very aware of all the things I mentioned above that remain unchecked on my mental list. I know that it's okay and very necessary to allow myself time to just chill, but then that type-A overachieving neat freak keeps on butting in to my nice calm moment.

Xtra Xtra!

The last few weeks, Alia has been particularly oral. Since deciding there was nothing more disgusting than her binky at 3 months old, she's taken to her hands. Only the past weeks, it's become her hands, our fingers, random towels, her bib...you name it. If it crosses her path, it ends up in her mouth. Many people have suggested she is teething, and while I didn't know one way or another, I had my doubts because a) Alia is only 4 months old, and b) I read in one of my baby books that salivating and chewing is almost always a phase that babies this age go through, and typically it does not mean teething is happening.

But this morning, Alia grabbed my finger and shoved it in her mouth as usual, and began gnawing away...and today? There on the bottom row of her sweet little gum line was one very small but very real tooth popping threw. And right next to it? Another one just waiting to pop through.

Alia Rolling Over...or, actually, Trying to Roll Over

Okay, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much is a video worth. Here you'll see Alia trying her best to roll over. This was just immediately following her first real no-help roll over. You can just see it in her eyes that she knows what to do, she just can't remember how to do it!

Because she's cute

A lot of newsworthy stuff for one week!

Okay, earlier this week I reported that Alia had rolled over all by herself. Well, the news doesn't stop there! She has also had her first solid food this week...rice cereal.

Here we have Alia waiting and wondering what the heck is going on...she's never sat in her Bumbo chair on the kitchen table, and certainly not with a bib on.


Here she tries her first bite...


But it won't go in...it comes right back out. Why is it we chose to spoon feed Alia the same week she began sticking her tongue out for fun? Because we're smart.


Am I doing it right, Daddy?


Okay, glad this was fun for you guys, but this was not that great for me...


At last! Something I can eat!


And later that day, all of Alia's friends threw her a party for trying so hard to eat from a spoon!

Hey! Look what I can do!

This week, all that tummy time has paid off...Alia rolled over all by herself! And can you believe it, I was there with the camera to capture that first roll! Okay, maybe you can believe it, considering I have 6,400 pictures of Alia so far.

So here we have the beginning....just playing tummy time.

Then, to my surprise, Alia began to tip....

And before you know it...my girl made it all the way to the other side! Sure it was  a little frightening at first, but there's a first time for everything, right?

Today's HSS

Today I had another appointment with Dr. Hatch. I had to have an HSS done, which is where she manually injects saline into my uterus and visualizes under ultrasound to make sure everything is hunky dory in there, meaning no scarring from my c-section, no visible polyps, and all that kind of stuff.

And the word is? Everything's A-okay. From there, we went over all my consent forms for a frozen embryo transfer when the time comes. She wants me to wait for my cycle to truly begin again, so I'll begin the process not next month, but the month following that one, which will hopefully be January/February. This means I get to go through the holidays without being on fertility drugs! Wooohoooo!