Banana Republican

Okay, so my last two entries may have been a little political for my normal readers. I'll stick to what I know best...my immediate surroundings.

Today I decided that we should have an outing. And since Alia loved her last retail experience, I thought, why not go to Banana Republic by my house? It's located in an upscale strip mall (for lack of better word) not too far from home, so in the event of a melt down, it would be a mild 10 minute drive home with Alia screaming in the back seat.

So I packed myself up, packed up Alia, and hit the open road. We arrived just in time for Alia's noon time feeding, and found a nice spot in the shade. She ate, gazed into my eyes, smiled a big toothless smile several times throughout the feeding, and promised me that we were going to have a nice little stroll afterward.

But what do babies know? After Alia ate and burped, I attempted to put her in the stroller. Huh? You don't want to be in the stroller? Well, let's just try? Please? No? Okay, Mommy can carry you.

Off we go. Me pushing my $700 baby carrying apparatus (loaded with toys, my diaper bag, sunglass case, keys, extra outfit, extra formula...yeah...all for an hour long outing) sans baby. Alia wanted to be carried. No, not over the shoulder. The Alia Special...you know, in a sitting position facing outward...her back to my stomach. That is the only surefire way to aggravate my left-hand carpal tunnel, after all! So off we go...quite a site. Me pushing the monstrous stroller with my right hand, and carrying my 15 pound over sized monkey in my left hand. But hey, we're out, no one is crying (anymore...since I gave up on putting Alia in the stroller), and we're managing.

We turned the corner, and that's when I realized that the sun was going to be beating down on us in our faces for the duration or the walk...maybe a city block or two...not far, but still. And seriously...is it me or is it 88 degrees out? Oh, it's not just me? It is 88 degrees today? Why wouldn't it be...it is almost November after all!

So now sun is beating down on us, Alia is squinting because her sun hat is in my purse...in the trunk of the car...because it wouldn't fit in my stroller's basket with all the other useless crap under there, and I'm still determined to make it to Banana Republic. Why? I don't know! But still...we're going.

Finally, with my arms aching, we got to the door...closed of course...in fact, it's the only door in the entire mall that isn't propped open beckoning consumers to enter. I struggle into the door, baby on one arm, door in the other, whip my bootie around to hold the door, push the stroller through the door, all just in time for the door to literlly hit me in the ass. That's when I vaguely notice Alia is now squirming a bit and is kind of sweaty. I ditch my stroller in a corner and try to distract her by showing her all the pretty jewelry. Nope...not working. Squirming, sweating, and now her face is red. Oh shit. Literally. Shit. Alia is pooping while I have her sitting on the jewelry case. And it is not dainty. It is smelly. It is on her leg. And my left hand. And I'm afraid to look anywhere else.

And no. They don't have a public bathroom.