Maybe we should have done a little more childproofing...

Tonight Ajay is working a 24 hour overnight at the hospital, which means I've been on solo Alia duty since 7AM. Not such a big deal, except for the fact that she is now faster than me and our house isn't quite as safe as it should be. This means that while we're sitting happily in her play area, at any given moment, she can spring to her feet and take off with a naughty little look on her sweet little face. Up until now, I've counted on my own mobility to keep her safe in my house of horrors.

Sure, I put a baby gate at the top of the stairs that leads to the garage. Yes, we also have a gate that seals off the hallway to her room so she can't escape her "wing" without squawking to be let out. Yes, I've plugged every visible plug with a safety thingy to keep her curious little fingers out. But I kind of thought since she's never shown interest in the 6 or 7 steps that leads up to the house from the front entry that we were home free. I was wrong. So last week, I found an expandable, hideous safety gate for this 80" grand entry stairway and ordered it. Or was it the week before? Regardless, it cannot get here quick enough. Not only do I need this gate, but I also need my toilet-safety latches to be installed. I bought them, yes...but in reading the directions, I realized I'd have to remove the toilet seat to install them. And once I approached this little chore, I realized that several of our toilet seats need to be replaced. Thus, my toilet safety project will have to wait until my new toilet seats arrive. I mean, why go to the trouble of removing the seat, installing the safety latch, replacing the seat, only to re-do the whole process in a week or so.

And let's also talk about the modern style of our home. We have polished concrete floors throughout our home. Yes...they are hard. But the look really really cool. And so far, Alia has not injured herself in her toddling about because of the concrete floors. However, I haven't talked about the modern and other dangerous furniture that she has hurt herself on from time to time, all while we're standing 4 inches from her. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like we need a visit from CPS or anything...we're talking normal bumps on her head on the coffee table and stuff like that. But how safe can  you make a Barcelona chair? In case you're wondering what in the world that is, here you go....

Yes, I put some of the adhesive spongey corner things on the corners of the ottoman, but it's still a trip to the ER waiting to happen. And what about that hundred year old coffee table made from an Indian door with hand-forged metal work? Huh? What in the hell am I supposed to do with that thing? Well, I'll show you what I did....

Yeah, we put those adhesive spongey things on the most dangerous of the corners, but there is still quite a bit about danger potential all about this table...the sides have little sharp metal thingys that can scrape little fingers and legs that are passing by.

So like I said, having Alia to myself from the time she gets up in the morning throughout the day (including bath time, and I haven't even gone there....my once-content water-baby in now a wild animal in the bath who refuses to sit and will do a nice spinny dance for you the whole time!) is not the biggest deal for a normal healthy 37 year old...but one that's 8 months pregnant? Makes for  a challenging day!

Oh My God...I'm having a baby tomorrow

Today is the final day before Alia is born. Wow...that is such a trip. Tomorrow there will be another freestanding human being on the planet...that belongs to us. That's big.

So on this final day, we had a terrific meet up with family for brunch. My brother in law and sister in law came down from L.A. with their two little girls...Haylah and Ciela. After brunch, we got to play with Ciela, dubbed our test-baby for the afternoon, because we got to do everything from clothing changes to diaper changes to putting her down for a nap to brushing her hair. Oh, and we got to load her in the car seat for the ride home. Not a bad day's practice on the day before our unit arrives tomorrow!

So today was much less emotional than yesterday. I think yesterday the enormity of everything happening hit me. Today, I'm still looking like a deer in the headlights from time to time, still a little freaked out that they'll eventually send me home with our baby, but for the most part, the time spent one-on-one with my baby niece was very reassuring. All I had to do was look at her and have that eye contact connection to realize that it'll be no problem when it's my own baby that I'm looking at and caring for.

So tomorrow at 6 a.m. we'll head out for the hospital. By 8:30 or so, our baby will be here. I'll be in the hospital until Thursday. Will post again as soon as possible!

The Playlist

I think I mentioned before that my Doctor put Ajay in charge of creating a playlist for the actual birth of Alia. And create the playlist Ajay did.

This morning after getting up, I treated myself to my final piece of guilt-free pregnancy chocolate cake from the Gipsy Den. I think I've talked about this cake many times before, no? Well, if you haven't read my former blogs about this delicious chocolate mocha cake, I'll make it brief: I love this cake. I have allowed myself this cake throughout this pregnancy guilt-free. Last night after dinner, we brought home the final piece of guilt-free cake, which I saved like a little chipmunk saving nuts for the winter...until this morning. I didn't offer to share a single bite with Ajay or his Mom, Maya. I sat. I ate. I enjoyed. Then I needed a nap.

That's when Ajay brought me my iPod, saying he was done with the playlist. Already feeling emotional, I plugged in the earbuds and pushed play. And there I found some of the most meaningful songs of our relationship...

Love is Innocent, by Colin Hay

Don't Panic, by Coldplay

Yellow, by Coldplay

Waiting for my Real Life to Begin, by Colin Hay

#41, by Dave Matthews

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, by The Police

Ultraviolet (Light My Way), by U2

Beautiful Day, by U2

This Must Be the Place, by Talking Heads

The Girl From Ipanema, by Astrud Gilberto

Beautiful World, by Colin Hay

Be Still My Beating Heart, by Colin Hay

Tea in the Sahara, by the Police

Walk On, by U2

Miracle Drug, by U2

Pure, by the Lightning Seeds

Starry Eyed Surprise, by Paul Oakenfold

It's not Unusual, by Tom Jones

These songs are the songs we've listened to throughout our dating years, and represent concerts we've gone to together, songs from our wedding playlists, songs that say the perfect thing about this pure perfect little thing we're about to welcome into our world. So of course, I just lied there and listened to song after song with tears streaming down my face. While each song is the perfect choice, I can't help but think perhaps some Motley Crue would be a better choice so that I don't cry for the first 19 hours of Alia's life.

I talked to my sister-in-law this morning and told her about the playlist, and how is was so perfect, but just so emotional, and I just didn't know if I could handle it, and shared my idea about something from Motley Crue or something similarly insignificant emotionally perhaps being a better idea. She said she cried during both her deliveries and that I should stay with the perfect songs that Ajay picked. Maya was in the room when I was telling her this and she offered similar advice. "What's wrong with crying?" she asked. She also went on to say that I've been holding in a lot of feelings for a long time and they're bound to come out some time...what better way to let the emotion out than the tears of joy after the baby is born? So, okay, she has a point. But. BUT. As emotional as I'm feeling, I'm not sure I can trust those tears to stop.

So that makes me wonder...am I a freak? Or am I just another emotional girl about to have a baby (after a tumultuous ride through infertility and a late fetal demise). Does every girl feel so emotional before having their first baby...or any baby for that matter? Because up until now, I've been feeling cool as a cucumber. And now all of a sudden, it's an emotional roller coaster in my head!!! Or has the roller coaster always been there, but maybe it was the purple elephant in the room that I've ignored just to get myself through all this.

2 Days and counting

I woke up today after not sleeping much...I was awake from 3 to 5:30 last night with a racing mind. I think it's setting into my head what a huge and exciting and yes, scary thing the birth of Alia is going to be.

On one hand, I'm feeling elated, ecstatic, and very high emotionally that all of our efforts over the years to have a baby is finally producing a real live baby. And on the other hand, I'm starting to feel scared, very emotional, almost tearful, and I'm not sure I can really pinpoint any certain reason for it. I think it's the enormity of all our hopes and dreams coming to a head and at last having this child that my arms have ached for, but still, she's not here yet and I'm still afraid to accept that she may actually be reality. With only 2 days to go until the C-Section, I know it's time to start being hopeful, but with the trauma of such a late loss of Alia's twin, I can't help but try to protect myself. So here I am...39 weeks pregnant, and still afraid that I'll come home from the hospital without a baby.

Apparently all this is normal. Even Moms that haven't lost a baby at 5 months worry about their babies being born healthy, alive and thriving. And what if some crazy fluke happens and I die during the delivery? Maya and Evelyn told me last night that they were also afraid of dying during delivery. So I guess I'm not too crazy or alone in my fears. I suppose the enormity of it all has my head swimming to a point of no sleep, but no resolve. I think once the baby is out, and I get to see her lovely little face, all of this will melt away. I hope so.

3 Days and counting

Well, I'm blogging, which means I'm not in the hospital with a bumped up delivery date. My final Fetal Monitoring session came off without a hitch, and the ultrasound proved my amniotic fluid is in great shape. It was also wonderful to see Alia again on the screen...her little cheeks are noticeably chubbier than last time. She slept through the whole monitoring session and ultrasound. That's my girl!

The pelvic sensation I was feeling before the monitoring session proved to be just more stretching of all those muscles and ligaments. I only had a couple of contractions during the whole fetal monitoring session which is normal for me at this point, so again, nothing to fear...she's staying put for now!

From the monitoring session, Ajay joined me at the final OB appointment. Dr. K happily walked me through what I can expect to experience on Monday morning...from check-in to signing consent forms, to getting my spinal, the C-section, the birth, the baby-clean-up, my stitch-up, and off to recovery where she recommended that we keep the moment to ourselves and not invite family or friends until we reach the Post Partem area. Sounds like a plan. She recommended Ajay make a CD for the actual birthing process so that we'll always have a song associated with the birth of our baby...just like the first dance at your wedding, it'll always bring memories of a wonderful event. So no pressure, choose well! Dr. K also put Ajay in charge of making sure the camera battery is charged, and if there is anything else that needs to be done in the electronic arena, that falls on him. Finally, she recommended going out to dinner the night before the baby comes, just the two of us, as a final celebration.

Dr. K also said it's time to start with the stool softeners and fibre supplements. Joy. But I suppose the last thing you want after a c-section is constipation. So now it's just counting down the remaining days. I have a feeling Alia won't want to arrive early...I have a feeling we'll make it to the scheduled date and time.

4 Days and counting

Today is Thursday...meaning I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday to make it through until my C-section on Monday. Today, I'm starting to feel the finality of it all.

This afternoon I'm heading over to my final Fetal Monitoring session at 1:00, and then following up that appointment with a 2:30 at my OB's. Both of these are the final times I'll be seeing the experts before my delivery on Monday. WOW....who knew it'd finally get here!

Last night was an active one for little Alia. She thumped and kicked the night away. Although I woke up a lot throughout the night with all the activity, I slept pretty well.

This morning when I got out of the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and to my surprise, it seemed like my tummy bump had dropped about 3 inches. Which sent my mind into a racing thought process of "what's that all about" and "what does that mean" and "is she okay in there?" and "will she just keep on dropping until she falls out?"

From there I went into another line of thinking..."is this it?" and "will I actually leave the hospital from the fetal monitoring session?" and "what did I forget to put in my bag for the hospital...will I need a hairdryer? Did I remember the memory card for my camera? What about my cell phone charger? What have I been waiting for with all these final additions to the hospital bag that's been in my trunk for a week?" and "Oh, my God, am I ready for this? If not today, will I be by Monday?"

Inhale.

No, really, Inhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.

Exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.

Go eat something.

Who cares if the sheets are in the dryer still....I'm sure if I end up in the hospital my brilliant husband won't end up sleeping on a bare mattress...he's totally capable of putting sheets on. And of unloading the clean dishes out of the dish washer.

Who am I kidding? No he's not!

38 Week Baby Bump (& 35 week shots)

It's been awhile since I posted any belly shots...I realize that I took some shots at 35 weeks but never got around to posting them....so we'll do this in chronological order, k?

Here's me in my bikini in the back yard at 35 weeks. And yes, Mom, the bikini is reserved for home use only. Don't worry, I won't embarrass you by wearing it in public...I'll just post it on the internet for the entire world to see. That's better, right?



The wierd thing is that my new big boobs get lost in the vastness of my large belly...what a shame!!

And here I am today...38 weeks....counting down the final week. Could this be my last series of shots before the big girl gets here????


A couple of things to note here: first, my regular watch no longer fits...so I've switched to my dive watch full time. Do I dive, you may be wondering? Nope! Terrified of the whole idea...but I will say that the dive watch timer feature is the perfect way to keep track of how far apart my contractions are!




Another thing to note: no wedding ring. I happily wore it throughout my entire pregnancy until just last week, when it got to snug for comfort.

Fetal Monitoring...second session

Yesterday Maya (Ajay's Mom) and I met Ajay at the hospital for my second session of fetal monitoring. Last time, little Miss slept through the entire session, requiring me to give her a jiggle from time to time to make sure her cardiac reactions were what they should be. I had eaten lunch about two hours prior, which meant that she had a spike in her activity level before the session, and as soon as the monitors were hooked up, she fell into a post-lunch siesta. That's my girl. Make mama proud.

So today, on the way to the hospital, I decided to really prime her for this session. I started out by eating a banana. From this, I got no activity. So I moved on to Plan B, and unwrapped a Tootsie Pop. Still no action. That's when we met up with Ajay, who was carrying a plastic bag. What's in the bag, you may wonder? Well, I'm glad you asked...

My sweet sweet husband had run to my favorite provider of chocolate mocha cake...just to make sure the little one would be awake this time. God I love this man. Not only did he think ahead to get something to make sure the baby was awake and active for the test, but he made sure it was my VERY FAVORITE THING. I'm talking, seriously the best chocolate cake in possibly the world.

So into the fetal monitoring waiting room we went...me happily holding my cake tightly. As I looked around, I noticed other pregnant ladies with no cake. I slowly took the cardboard box out of the bag. I waited for pouncing to happen, and postured defensively. Slowly I opened the box. Again, checking my surroundings for any threatening maneuvering. All's safe. I took the first bite...then a second. All the while feeling the need to protect the cake with the arm not being used...you know, the way guys in prison eat? Or at least the way they eat in the movies?

So half way through the huge piece of cake, my name was called. I packed up the remainder and went into the room. And can we say action? All of a sudden, Alia was awake. And not just a little kick here and a little wiggle there. She was in full motion...with the belts hooked up that monitored both her cardiac sounds and activity as well as my own contractions, Alia aimed to please. The cardiac microphone not only picked up the thump thump thump of her heart, but also all the swooshing sounds associated with arms flailing, legs kicking, and full torso twists. This girl was busy.

During the last session, we must have been hooked up to the monitors for about 30 minutes. This time? Maybe 15 minutes...tops. She showed them exactly what they needed to see in no time at all. And thank the baby Jesus because that girl was stomping on my very full bladder the entire time!

3rd Anniversary

Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary, which will be on Wednesday, July 16th. Since Wednesday doesn't seem like a celebratory day, we decided to celebrate the weekend before the actual anniversary...we planned for Saturday, but since I was exhausted on Saturday, we moved it to Sunday.

We decided to check out a new restaurant at South Coast Plaza...Charlie Palmer's newest place. Let me tell you, this is no typical mall-location restaurant! We walked in and were wowed by the beauty of this place. The decor was perfect.

That was only the beginning. From the starter to the main entree to dessert, we were 100% impressed. The wait staff was highly trained, very attentive but unintrusive. The food was superb. And during dinner, we realized that this was probably our last fine-dining experience for quite some time!!!

'Nuff Said

37 Week Cheesecake...or How I gained 3 pounds in one week.

Getting there...

After a week of daily contractions, I decided it was time to get prepared. So a couple of days ago, I installed the baby's car seat...


...and yes, isn't that just the cutest car seat cover? I just couldn't see bringing this little girl home in anything less than a totally cute and stylish seat. Yep, I am a first time parent.

Since we're only a week away from my scheduled C-section, I decided it was also time to have the hospital bag in the car at all times...the main reason I decided this was I had some pretty decent contractions the other day while I was in the hospital for fetal monitoring, and it occured to me that I could be admitted at any time. Which means that I should have my cord-blood banking kit in the car just in case. And with the cord-blood banking kit, why not be completely prepared and just put the whole bag in the car and be done with it.





What does it all mean? I think that pretty soon, I'll be able to accept that I might just get to be a Mom after all. I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but in my mind, I'm still not able to completely accept that this will actually happen for us. After the years of trying and the losses we've experienced, I just can't seem to believe that the answer to "are we there yet?" is actually "yes!". But maybe in my mind, I'm almost ready to accept that we're getting there!

37 weeks and 5 days....but who's counting

This weekend I've seen a real expansion in my belly. It seems that this little girl is running out of space and my once cute petite little ball of a belly is now a vast expansive full size watermelon of a baby belly. Last week our girl pushed straight outward...this week she's pushing out laterally. What does this all mean to me? Well, a few things.

First, I'm becoming more limited in the clothes that fit. My once flowy maternity shirts are now pretty much filled to capacity. But it's not just my wardrobe that's limited. With the new largeness of my belly, my movement is also becoming more limited, too. Getting up from a comfy chair requires a lot of rocking back and forth until I gain enough momentum to get to a standing position. What happened to those strong ab muscles of the past that I used to count on for daily functions???

Also becoming more limited are my energy stores. This morning, for example I had high hopes of finishing my baby shower thank you cards, and heading out for a couple of errands...I wanted to get my car washed (before installing the baby's car seat), then planned to head to the mall to exchange a couple of things and pick up Ajay's anniversary gift. From there I'd meet Ajay, his brother and a dozen or so other people for lunch at 1:00. Sounds reasonable, right?

Wrong.

I got the cards done. Got the car washed. Got the exchange at the mall done. Got the anniversary gift. Walked into the restaurant and had a strange feeling...how is it I'm on-the-dot on time and I'm the first one here out of a party of 18??? The hostess informed me that the reservation had been moved to 1:30. There was something in my head that just snapped...not in a psycho way or anything...I just felt that I had reached my limit and it was time to go home. Now. I was hungry. I was tired. My toes are little sausages. I had walked at least a mile in the mall...which is normally nothing but today felt like a marathon. Yep...time to go.

A couple of minutes later, Ajay walked up...I let him know that the reservation had been changed, and I just didn't have it in me to wait. In my head, I imagined lying on my couch in the air conditioned living room within a half hour...not just being seated for lunch. And I was cranky. Doesn't anyone know or care how hard it was for me to physically get there??? And why didn't anyone think to tell the pregnant hungry girl that lunch had been moved? Yep, friends, it was time for this cranky, bloated, swollen, tired girl to go home...remove myself from the public eye. Head out before I started to eat my Gap Maternity shopping bag. Because no one needs to see that!

Today's activity: Contractions

I had a pretty full day planned today...I started the morning taking Ajay's Mom to pick up a rental car so she could run about and see her peeps in her old hood. From there I had an appointment at the hospital for a nursing bra fitting...by the way...in the event your hospital offers this service, I'm not sure that it's worth the special trip to the hospital...apparently Nordstrom offers the same service and possibly a better variety. Live and learn.

From there I had my 37 week OB/GYN appointment where I learned that while I have fantastic blood pressure for a regular girl, let alone a girl in my condition, I have managed to gain 3 pounds in the past week. Yep...you heard me right...3 pounds...in one week. How is this even possible, one may ask? Well, if you read my last post, you'd know that last Saturday I had a baby shower at my house, and there was a large amount of my favorite cake in the whole world left over...oh, yeah, and there was also leftover cheesecake. So, ummm, if anyone out there wants a quick way to pile on pounds, convert your diet to prenatal vitamins and cake...and cheesecake. Oh, and maybe some tacos...which I just can't get enough of these days. I swear I can feel my ass expanding as I'm sitting here typing.

From my OB/Gyn, I headed back to the hospital for my Fetal Monitoring appointment...they hooked me up to the machines and listened away. The baby's heart pumped away rhythmically at 125 beats a minute...for quite awhile. We deduced she was sleeping the whole time, except when I gave her a jiggle...then she seemed to wake up for a minute or two, and then returned to sleep. God I hope this is a predictor for a good sleeper once she's on the outside. Anyway...they also monitored me for contractions...and as I thought, I was contracting off and on throughout the whole session. Nothing big, nothing major, but certainly it was happening. All normal, no reason to freak out.

From the fetal monitor, we got to see the little one on ultrasound for the first time in weeks. Again, her little hand was in front of her face so we didn't see much...but we did notice that she has chubbed up quite a bit over the last weeks. Oh, and there's hair on her head now, too! I doubt it'll be anything close to my new niece Ciela's mop of hair, but at least we've got some fuzz developing!

Baby Shower...friends and family

On Saturday, my two girlfriends Tamra and Zinat threw a shower for the baby here at the house...a simple shower, really, by comparison to other showers I've heard of.

Zinat and me

Tamra and me

I told my girls that I'd like to do a family and close friends lady's lunch...low key...no games...none of that traditional stuff. I know...I kind of felt a little Miranda-ish from Sex in the City...you remember...when she would only allow a shower to happen if it didn't have anything to do with babies. Well, anyway, it was a super nice day. I was happy with the lack of structure, the lack of planned interaction, the lack of forced pretend-enjoying silly games that no one wants to play (or is that just me??? Do other people really enjoy those games???)

About a dozen ladies showed up with smiles and gifts. We opened the house up, had the outdoor seating area all set up for celebrating this new little person, had the pool-side table set for lunch, had music on the outdoor speakers, and I enjoyed being surrounded by many of the people in my life that have supported me throughout this process.

On one hand, it felt really natural and at home to be, well, at home with all my ladies, and on the other hand, it felt a little surreal that this shower was for me...for my baby...that we were actually all getting together to celebrate our daughter-to-be. There's the saying "always a bride's maid, never a bride"....well, it was beginning to feel like that for me in regards to starting our family. I couldn't tell you how many baby showers I've been to or at least have been invited to over the past years. I've enjoyed watching my friends become Moms...a lot of them have kids...and it was fun to be there for them. But there was a part of me that was ready to give up on the whole thing...I had all but decided if IVF didn't work, then we'd have a wonderful life, just the two of us, traveling the globe, maybe getting a dog, and fulfilling ourselves in ways other than building a family. So now that the baby is literally just days away, it feels kind of surreal.

Me, Aruna, and Ajay

Me & Sonia

Me & a really cute shirt from Dena

The nursery, as you know, has been done for months. The stroller and carseat and play pen have been at the house for months. But there's something about having this final shower that makes it all seem real...there's something about having one nice top left that fits over this big belly....and who knew that my poor feet could actually outgrow flip flops? Okay, seriously!? I think this photo captured it best!!!

37 Week Development

So here we are at 37 weeks...since we're having a C-section at 39 weeks, I'm below the two week mark. Here's what babycenter.com has to say about where we're at....


How your baby's growing
Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard).

Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

Now I get it....

When I was little, we lived in what seemed like a big house (to my small self) in the country. We had a variety of dogs and cats throughout my childhood.

Cats came and went, and we took care of them to the standard of the times in the 1970's, which means we fed them and gave them water, and if they got worms or fleas or ticks, we would provide the adequate remedy. But cats weren't always spayed or neutered. And quite a few of them met their maker due to late night quarrels with other animals or reptiles...one cat was bit by a snake and died. I remember a dog of ours being hit by a car. Countless cats were hit by cars or simply disappeared.

One of our cats lasted a long time...Whiskers. She was gray, and a very sweet natured cat. For some reason we didn't have her spayed, and as a result, she provided our family with litters and litters of kittens. While nothing could be better for a little girl, now I see her life in a totally different light.

I remember Whiskers being pregnant a lot. When my Mom thought she was ready to deliver, she set up an easy to access cardboard box lined with old towels in a closet for Whiskers for her labor and delivery. As a child, I remember my Mom showing the box to Whiskers, and eventually, like a duck to water, Whiskers would end up lying in the box for what seemed like days and weeks on end. She would lay in the box, and I remember her looking so huge....swollen to three times her normal size, looking absolutely miserable. She would moan. She would stare back at me apprehensively...because now that I think about it, a child standing by with doll clothes that may or may not fit the pregnant cat was probably not a welcome sight for Whiskers.

So, like I said, in the box she would stay for the remainder of her pregnancy. We would bring food to her. I would continuously peak in to see if the kittens had come yet, and my Mom would shoo me away and tell me to leave her alone. My Mom got it. And now I get it.

I'm starting to feel like the cat in the box. Not much energy. Swollen to three times my size. Gratefully accepting snacks because, well, not to sound whiny, but everything hurts when I change positions. Going from a lying position to a standing position is a challenge. I ask myself if I really need to pee a couple of times before actually getting up to go.

I suppose I'm at the same point as the cat in the closet...waiting for the time to pass. A little bit apprehensive, a little bit uncomfortable, a little bit cranky.

Fetal Monitoring

Yesterday I had an OB appointment...just the standard variety. Ajay's Mom Maya joined me and was able to meet my OB, which was nice.

A couple of things came out of today's visit...my blood pressure was in great shape after it was in the normal/high range last time, so I felt pretty good about it returning to it's normal/low typical range. Also Dr. K told me that after giving my situation some thought, she was going to start me on fetal monitoring beginning next week. Apparently fetal monitoring involves hooking me up to the same monitoring equipment that they hook laboring Moms up to, and monitor how everything is going in there for a given amount of time. After the amount of time passes, and observing healthy baby's activity levels, they can be fairly certain that the baby will fare well over the next 72 hours...so she'll have me go in twice a week for the next couple of weeks just to help me with peace of mind for the remainder of the pregnancy.

At this point, being 37 weeks, we're in the clear...if anything should go wrong during this monitoring, we just move forward now with the C-section to alleviate any risk. Which brings me to my second topic of today's learning experience at the OBs....during the routine pre-birth pelvic exam, Dr. K told me she was really glad that we had already decided on a C-section because while the term wide-birthing hips definitely applies to me at this stage, I don't have much pelvic height at all, and she said trying to have the baby the old fashioned way would have been a very challenging process for me. She went on to say that it's not so much pelvic width as it is height that determines how easily the baby comes out.

So while I'm not a girl that feels "robbed of the experience" of delivering the old fashioned way, it does make me feel more assured that I made the right decision for me for what seems to be now a variety of reasons...and no, I'm not trying to sell anyone else on my decision...everybody has their own desires and opinions when it comes to the delivery process. I was just glad to hear that there are several reasons that this is the right choice for me.

Braxton Hicks

Did I spell that right? Braxton Hicks....you know...the practice contractions the uterus does to scare first time Moms? Well, last night was my first experience with lots and lots of contractions...every 20-35 minutes to be exact. Before yesterday, I thought I had felt contractions before, but now I have for sure experienced them. And wouldn't you know it...it was the night that Ajay was first call at the hospital, meaning he was there over night.


So here's what happened...Ajay's Mom and friend arrived yesterday, so while I was making a simple no frills dinner I started feeling contractions. I marked when the contraction occurred with my dive watch. Then, again, 20 minutes later, I felt the contractions again...and again 25 minutes later...and then 30 minutes later. So after an hour and half, I paged Ajay. He told me, "it's probably nothing, but call Dr. K anyway just to make sure." So that's what I did.


Dr. K reconfirmed Ajay's suspicion that it was just my uterus warming up for the baby to come. I told her if she really wanted to come out she was big enough and old enough, but the doctors were right and it was just a practice run.

The photo booth doesn't lie...

Saturday night we attended a wedding and reception. We've known about this event for several months. I remember when we got the invitations, I thought WOW, I'll almost be there by then...I'll be 36 weeks. Who knows if I'll even be able to attend...maybe she'll come early.

In past blogs, I talked about what I initially bought for the wedding that I could wear versus what I wanted to find to wear for the wedding...and did I mention? I finally did find that perfect maxi flowy dress that would fit over my very large belly? I found it on a random trip to the mall...when Ajay and I wanted to escape the heat wave a few weeks ago, we decided to head where Orange County heads when they want to shop...South Coast Plaza.

Anyway, at South Coast, there's a Barney's Coop, and that's where I found the perfect strapless, floor length black silk dress. It's fitted at the bust....in my case, very very fitted at the bust, and then just flows and flows for days all the way to the floor. I even had to buy some new shoes to make myself tall enough so as not to trip on the dress...here they are...in case you're curious...


Fun right?

And even more fun? At the wedding, the bride and groom had this ingenious idea of hiring a photo booth for the night, and everybody was supposed to have their photos taken, and then on the spot, you add them to their photo album with some special words for the bride and groom. I loved the idea!

After a night of receiving all sorts of compliments on my lovely dress and hearing just how great I was looking for beginning my 9th month of pregnancy, we got in line for the photo booth. We got in the photo booth. We took pictures in the photo booth. And what did I see to my horror and dismay?

The photo booth that I loved so dearly had not done me any favors....at all. After getting my nails and toes done and hair cut and my eyebrows done and I even gave myself a mud mask before the event (which is about five more services than I did for my own wedding!)...after all that effort, the camera doesn't lie...I look like I could eat Ajay. I mean, seriously, look at the size of that beefy arm! And those boobs that I tried so hard to make perky with the single largest strapless push up bra I've ever seen! And those pudgy fingers!!! I think I actually outgrew my wedding ring before the camera in the booth! I mean, seriously, are those dimples I see on the back of my hands? As in the kind you see on baby fatted infant hands?

Sure, my husband is the single sweetest and most suportive guy ever...he has reminded me on countless occasions throughout my pregnancy that this is what happens when you make your body support an entirely separate human being...and I get that. I certainly wouldn't want to be the anorexic friend of a friend who proudly told us all that she only gained 12 pounds during her pregnancy, and delivered a 5 pound baby, and by the time she got home from the hospital she only had 3 more pounds to go. Don't get me wrong...I don't want to be that girl. It's just that I must have been looking in our magical slimming mirror when getting ready for the wedding because these photos captured a version of me that I hadn't seen before!

36 week ultrasound

Yesterday's ultrasound was good. Although Alia was feeling shy and covering her little face with her hand making a profile shot impossible, they were able to see what they needed to see to deem her healthy and of average size...currently she weights about 6.5 pounds, and they project she'll weigh about 7.5 pounds by the time she's born.

Huh?

I thought for sure she weighed at least 14 pounds by the feel of my aching pelvis. I thought she may weigh...I don't know...maybe 16 pounds at birth!

Now a thought about the ultrasound itself...the regular ultrasound tech wasn't there yesterday, so we got the backup girl. I've been with her once before, right after we lost one of the babies...who knows, maybe I have a negative association with this tech because of that. And it's not like she's ever done anything wrong. But there are a couple of things that bother me about this tech, from trivial to well, clinical.

On the trivial side, do you know anyone who gets Botox treatments? Have you ever noticed that there face is not only paralyzed, but in a constant state of dewy perspiration? Well, this tech has "the glow", and a frozen face, and although she seems to have gone through the Botox training where they tell you you may have to try harder to smile and express emotion in your newly paralyzed face, this tech's face is in a constant state of a frozen half smile. And her eyebrows and entire forehead don't move at all...so it seems like she's a vacant pod person gazing at you with an emptiness in her soul, and it kind of freaks me out.

Secondly, on the more clinical side, let me just preface this by saying that I get the state that health care is in...I worked in the medical arena for my entire career, and Ajay is an anesthesiologist so I know all too well just how overworked everyone is, and how patients just cannot receive the level of care that they received before managed care and big insurance companies took over the world. I get that. But this substitute technician has been almost completely quiet throughout both of the scans that I've had with her. My regular technician starts out by pointing out "head, feet, eyes. Here's the heart...it's got a nice rhythmic beat of XXX beats per minute...." My point is it doesn't take much to make the ultrasound a much more gratifying and informative experience for us. A little communication wouldn't kill her...but that leads me back to her entirely paralyzed face...maybe she just....can't....talk...

Changing gears....let's focus on the positive, shall we? A good part of the ultrasound was being able to see how Alia's positioned in there so now I can make sense of the movements I'm feeling. Now I know her head is down, her spine is running midline, she is facing to my right, and all those taps under my ribs are in fact little kicks with her little feet. When I feel a hardness beneath my belly button, it's most likely a shoulder. And when I feel like she's doing a full body stretch all at once...well, that's her telling us it's time for some more space.

Speaking of space, this week she torpedoed forward. My belly seems to have projected directly forward by a couple of inches over night. If I want to get a laugh out of Ajay I just turn to the side and lift my shirt...it's amazing just how much she's grown in the last weeks.