Does it speak to your soul?

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about the marathon of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style that I watched over the weekend while Ajay was away called Counting the Hours. In this blog, I talked about how Tim Gunn suggested that the things in your closet should both fit and speak to your soul. I challenged myself to be honest with myself about what I wear, what I need, and what fits, and got rid of what doesn't suit me, what I'll never fit into again, and even if I did, I wouldn't wear it anyway. I mean, let's just say after Alia is born I do work myself down to the elusive size 4...would it be the best reward to wear one of my old out-of-style work suits or out-of-style Gap jeans? No! I want to buy new celebration clothes. I guess I was keeping all those old little clothes because I read somewhere that Halle Barry keeps a pair of jeans from high school in the top of her closet and "keeps it real" by making sure they fit at least once a year. But trying on an article of clothing in your bedroom to make sure that you haven't lost your shape is a lot different, I now realize, than keeping a hoard of clothes that are dusty, not in the best shape, and not even in style any longer for future wear. So I kept a particularly small pair of Diesel jeans as my inspiration, and chucked the rest into bags.

Yesterday, I did a little shopping for an upcoming wedding. I already have something that I can wear...this was extra shopping to see if what I really wanted existed...being a maxi dress built for pregnant girls. Sure, all the sales ladies tell you "it's so flowy, there's a lot of fabric there...even you can wear it" but what they don't realize is that there is a BIG difference between a 28 inch waist and a 42 inch pregnant bellied waist. Let's just say that what's flowy on a regular shaped girl is a tight, tragic, outie-belly-button enhancing disaster on a girl like me.

For one thing, most of the dresses I tried on have a flowy top layer of gauzy fabric with a somewhat straight built-in sheath underneath....and when you have a normal shape, the friendly sheath keeps the flowy part from clinging in between your legs when you're walking. But with a pregnant shape, the friendly sheath becomes a misshapen mess beneath all the flowiness...it gathers above your butt at the small of your back as you attempt to stretch it over the belly...which turns the sheath into a wrinkled mess rather than a flow-protector. The girls convincing me to try on this dress and that dress obviously haven't ever had a 42" baby-filled belly.

Then I see it across the store. A brightly colored maxi dress. With no slim sheath beneath it. Made of jersey rather than silky material. This might work. I try it on...it could work. There really is enough fabric for a girl like me!!! And rather than dainty spaghetti straps, it had real straps so I could wear my behemoth maternity bra, because if you don't know this, strapless or bra-less is not an option when your pregnant...those girls need support. Or maybe it's just me. Regardless, I can wear a normal bra underneath. And there's enough fabric that it doesn't enhance my outie belly button. And it flows for days! But something isn't right.

It's yellow with fucia and aqua squares. Yellow isn't my best color. Unless I have a deep dark tan, which I don't. And the back is kind of lower, which exposes some not so pretty b'acne scars from my troubled pregnancy skin. And it kind of wrinkles at the bottom...I could probably iron that problem away...but it just doesn't lay right. And the square patterns....they didn't take the time to line up the squares on the seams, and it's bothering me...I mean, that's like hanging wallpaper with total disregard for matching the pattern at the seam...who does that?

So while it fits well and the shape is quite good, I'm realizing it doesn't speak to my soul...and I actually heard Tim Gunn's sweetly effeminate voice in my head, asking me the question "does it speak to your soul?"

It doesn't! The old me would have thought, well, just in case I change my mind, I'll buy it...and it is on sale...that's even better...and even if I don't wear it to the wedding, maybe I'll wear it to the upcoming baby shower...and if not then, I can still wear it after the baby is born to any given event. Right? RIGHT?

No! If it's not good enough to wear to the event I'm buying it for, then what's the likelihood that it'll be a prime choice in the future after it hangs in my closet for an entire season with tags on...and not to mention, I'm 25 pounds heavier now than I normally am...I'm normally a size M and this is a size L that I'm thinking about buying...so in the future, it won't fit as well as it does right now.

I hung the dress on it's hanger and put it back. It was a very proud moment. Then I walked downstairs and bought what I really wanted all along...that fit...that spoke to my soul...and yes, were on sale!!!

And now? Now I can say the outfit that I already have and planned to wear to the wedding just got the finishing touch that it was missing!