I am 100% addicted to making home movies!!!

Today, they perform.

You know, as a blogger (even the rustiest blogger like myself) we are always challenging ourselves to record, record, record. Our thoughts, things we notice, funny things that might be funny to other people, too, as well as landmarks...birthdays, anniversaries, firsts (first word, tooth, steps, and yes, in our case the first f-bomb). But what happens when you become like me and fall out of practice of recording daily, weekly, or even monthly and you find yourself feeling the need to backtrack? 

Well I'll tell you what happens. You start thinking you can type from memory. Only, as you saw in my last blog post, our memory isn't so vivid a year (or even a month) down the road. So here's my choice. Rather than racking my brain to try to recapture the past year, please allow me to summarize it for you so I can be free of the guilt and move on in the present.

This past year was tough. My girls offer me endless joy, as most Moms will tell you. They also showed me why my own mother went mad listening to day after day of my brother and sister fighting, talking back, rolling eyes, disrespecting her, not listening to her, and frankly? We  bought she was just pissed off. Having nothing to do with us, of course.

Well last week I called my dear Mom and apologized to her. I'm 40 years old so this apology has been a long time coming. I told her I was sorry for driving her crazy and for all the fighting, all the bad behavior. Because now I get it. And what's the point of this digression? Well, I'll tell you. My girls have also driven me bat shit crazy this year fighting, picking on each other, asserting their independence (read: not doing what I ask of them), pushing each others' buttons. I haven't written a lot because I didn't have much to say other than I'm losing my mind!

Lately it feels that we've turned a corner, however, and we are doing much better. The girls have been trending much better behavior wise. However, just like with any trend, there's good days and bad days. As a Mom I have to constantly remind myself to not lose my mind. And today? They perform....

Alia is 3!

Wow.

I just found this post...from nearly a year ago...and realize I never finished it. We never got around to marking her third birthday.

So here's what I remember of it...a place called Pump it Up. Lots of little kids running and jumping. A happy little girl wearing a pumped up crown. And cake. Lots and lots of cake!

As I write this I'm pulling together Alia's 4th birthday details and recognize how far I've fallen off of recording the daily events of Alia and Amelie's growth and development.

All I can do is keep trying and finding the time where I can. Unfortunately time is the issue, not lack of interest or effort!

Summer 2012

Hello and Happy July!

So yesterday my sister e-mailed me that she had started a blog all about her adventures in Australia, which is where she and her husband moved in February. She wrote that she was inspired to record their time there, and since I've had a blog for so long, maybe she could ask me for help on things...that is, if I remember how to blog considering my 3 posts this year.

Ok.

I get it. I am a lousy blogger this year. And not much better than that last year. But the reality is having a 2 and 3 year old as well as running a house is pretty overwhelming on the whole, and things tend to slide a little. Last year I worked in exercise to my schedule. That's three times a week for about 90 minutes. This year I've worked in taking over all the household stuff and letting my nanny/housekeeper go. So there's that. And with all my other free time? Well, there are tons and tons of tiny little things that I work on when I get a chance. But reality is that there's not much time for anything.

Alia is turning 4 years old this month. I cannot believe how fast that went. She is a full blown little girl now with friends and play dates and swim lessons and gymnastics. She is ruled by emotion and thrives on positive reinforcement. She remains a strong-willed child which keeps me challenged every day, but I'm so proud of her. She is a lovely girl.

Amelie is just over two-and-a-half. She is the sweetest child. Gentle, articulate, hilariously witty for her age. She is kind, cuddly, and truly the baby of this family. She is also challenging her sister constantly, pushing Alia's very obvious emotional buttons whenever possible, and defying us with her need to be independent. She was nearly potty trained last month...we're talking panties all day, pull ups at nap time and bed time, and then it happened. One painful poop in the potty ruined our progress and she is squarely back in diapers with absolutely no tolerance for the potty at the moment. And of course the time next month we will be in Positano, Italy, and I really really wanted to travel with a potty-trained toddler. But her ideas are different than mine on that subject. Who knows. Maybe we'll figure it out by then. Oh, and another thing? Amelie, the world's worst sleeper? Has finally been sleeping through the night consistently for about a month. That's right...closer to three than two years old and just figured out the sleep thing. Needless to say we are very very happy about that.

So that's it for today. In a nutshell we are all good, very busy, enjoying our lives together, cherishing our time together as a family, and let's not forget finally able to eat out a restaurants that have more than burgers and fries on the menu, which is also priceless!

Legoland here we come!

Tomorrow the Lalvanis are heading south to Carlsbad/San Diego for a fun filled weekend with the girls. Friday, we'll be there when the gates open at Legoland, and Saturday we hope to check in with the Pandas that Ajay helped to create (through artificial insemination) during his anesthesia residency in San Diego so many years ago at the San Diego Zoo.

So, today both girls attended Montessori, I grabbed a bonus workout with my trainer since I'll be missing my Friday session, and I worked out all the details of what needed to be packed for the next two days.

A little over a year ago when we did this same trip, it was like moving an army.  The lists and lists required to move my family 80 miles was comical. Formula. Check. Bottles. Check. Bottle brush. Check. Portable potty for Alia. Check. Diapers for Amelie. Check. Baby food for Amelie. Check.

And this time? Dare I say traveling is getting just a little bit easier? Sure I have to plan multiple outfits per day for each girl, as well and Ajay's stuff and my own. Now crayons and coloring books and favorite bedtime story books replace the baby paraphernalia of yesteryear. Now it seems that we are traveling with more person than infant.

So more to come of our weekend away. I'm hoping to reclaim my blog and post more often in the latter part of 2012. Oh, and here's a current photo of the girls.

Sibling rivalry.

Hello.
Here I sit after a home workout while my two girls nap. They're home from Montessori on spring break. But I, like other moms everywhere, beg the question, spring what? Seriously. If this is a break, I need a break from it!
Sometimes I feel like I don't write much anymore because if I don't have anything nice to say, I should just keep it to myself. Because seriously!? Some days having a two and three year old at the same time is enough to drive me f-ing crazy! Mean Mommy comes out. I rant. I threaten. I time out them. And still, these beautiful little darlings are relentless.
They are the reason for my craziness. And my happiness. And my pride. And my self-loathing. And my exhaustion. And my self-doubt. They are what I value the most, yet also what I can hardly handle on some days.
Alia. Sweet beautiful sassy Alia. She is showing a mean side that we just can't understand. She is mean to her sister. She says mean things to her friends. She is not friendly on the playground. What are we supposed to do about this? If any adult is around, it's like the other kids, her friends are invisible.
And Amelie. Gentle, sensitive, witty, clever Amelie. So clever she taunts Alia until she gets the response she's looking for, which inevitably ends up with them in trouble. Is it too much to ask that we all just coexist?
I talk to other Moms who beam with pride at the older sibling taking a real interest and protective nature with the younger sibling. What did we do wrong?! Or are they too young and haven't figured themselves out yet?
And it's only Tuesday.

Amelie goes to school!?

So today was officially Amelie's first day of school at Montessori. That's right...Amelie. My little tiny baby turned two-year-old ready-for-more! Up until now, I've been dropping in to Miss Cindy's class for extra little people with Amelie. We sit, join in circle-time, sing the good morning song, and work a few puzzles. Then we leave. But today is the first time I've ever said bye-bye to my little girl and let me tell you...it's a little crazy in my head!

In preparation for the worst, instead of driving all the way home (6 minutes with traffic) I decided to stop off at our downtown apartment (2 minute drive) to do some inventorying of what needs to be done before my Mom-in-Law comes to stay there two weeks from now. I figure when they call to tell me Amelie is inconsolable and they need me to come, I'll be there lickety-split.

So I stop in, look around, realize it just needs a basic clean up that can be done two weeks from now, and decide put my feet up, close my eyes and try to catch the elusive sleep that never seems to come around anymore (I've had insomnia for months worrying god-knows-why about Amelie's start at school). But sleep doesn't come. It's 9:00. 9:30. 9:45. Nothing. So I get up and drive home. I come in and realize the kitchen is a mess from breakfast. I could start the laundry too. But I don't want to do any of that...besides I have help later today that can do that stuff.

That's when I realize what the problem is. I'm the one not prepared for alone quiet time. It has been full steam ahead toddler raising for 2 years. Before that? Full steam ahead baby raising.

I. don't. know. what. to. do.

And why hasn't the Montessori called to tell me I'm needed? Could it be that my gut was right and Amelie is absolutely ready for this and will enjoy herself and all the new stimulus? Is it possible that both my girls are already....there?

A trip to the past

Well, tonight I was toodling around my blog, reacquainting myself with the me of the past, when I came across this post. It's the one I wrote about four years ago, when Ajay and I go to Ruby's for dinner? To be "fun" and acquaint ourselves with the things people with kids do. Yes, we were the married couple sans children at Ruby's for dinner, looking around marveling at how families with small children live their lives, and smiling as the kids nearby melted down, got time outs, were constantly rounded up by frazzled Moms...yep, we were the freak couple looking at these poor souls with warmth and love, nodding at them with hopeful eyes while their kids drove them crazy, hoping that we'd be in their ranks nine months from that moment.

Flash forward 4 years. We have two monkeys. We are the frazzled parents. Ours are the kids melting down. We are the ones looking at expectant parents like they are smoking crack when they nod lovingly at each other and then at us when our child spills milk and loses it.

What. Were. We. Thinking!!!!!!!

A conversation overheard....

The Sears Repairman:   How old are you?
Alia:  Three. How old are you?
The Sears Repairman:   Really old.
Alia:   Like my Dad?

hello? anyone out there?

Last month I covered Amelie's second birthday here in my little blog. Since then, nada!

In fact, it's been so long since I kept up with a regular daily blog that I couldn't even figure out how to get into my blog and sign in and start writing today...that's how much has changed since even my last entry.

So where am I now? Where is our little family now? Well, of course we're here in Laguna, but we know that's not what I'm asking. 

Right now we are getting ready for the holidays. Wrapping presents, listening to endless Christmas music via Pandora, and enjoying the season as best we can. However, this year seems to be busier than ever, and we've been struggling a little just to keep up with the day to day. Ajay has been working like crazy. He's gone at 6AM and returns maybe one day a week before the girls bedtime at 7. The rest of the nights he's been home late late late. And even his days that are supposed to be short have been running long. He's burned out, exhausted, and with all the work has not been able to train at the gym, which means his hips and back are locking up. And the girls? They miss him terribly. Alia has her own brand of naughty when he's not around much, which makes me crazy. And Amelie, our little pack animal, misses him in her own way...she gets sweeter and sweeter and needs cuddles. Lots of cuddles. So like I said...we've had a tough month.

And sure, all that impacts me, too. I'm sad that my husband is working like a maniac and missing home life. 

And I'd be lying if I said I'm just awesome at managing all things all the time, especially when my Alia is just about the most head strong person I've ever come across in my life....not most head strong 3 year old...the most head strong person out of all people. At times I feel like I'm failing her because my endless patience and positive outlook ends and turns sour. And Amelie...well, she's easy. Since her colic ended at about 4 months, she has been a gem of a human being. 

Lately, I feel like a very fortunate single Mom (that doesn't have to work, but is in charge of all things without a partner many days). With Alia testing me to my maximum nearly every day, I'm a step from tears or pulling my hair out nearly every day. The magic of the season spreading through the air like the magical snow flakes that gave life to Frosty the Snowman eludes us.

But enough of my holiday blues. Actually right now is a very peaceful and wonderful time. Alia and Amelie are napping. Ajay is home and reading in his favorite chair. And I'm here typing away. Nothing could make me happier.