Four Seasons Getaway

Ajay and Alia and I are squeezing in a nice little getaway at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara. We had planned a trip with my Dad and his wife Susan, my sister and her husband to Mexico this week, but due to the swine flu outbreak, we decided to pass on this year's family trip and just stay local. I know, probably an overreaction, but with me being pregnant and Alia being under a year old, we just felt like a week in Mexico might not be a good idea.

So yesterday? We decided the two and a half hour drive would be best weathered by getting on the road before Alia's morning nap. So surprisingly, we got Alia in the car around 9AM and headed north. We needed to stop at the Barney's Outlet in Camarillo on the way up to take care of an exchange (long story), and figured we would arrive around 1:30PM. I called the day before and requested an early check in; although they promised to accommodate if possible, they couldn't guarantee check in until 4PM. Fair enough.

So we arrived at the resort around 2:30PM. At check in, they told us our room wasn't available yet, but they were working on it and had upgraded us to a lovely Deluxe room in honor of our anniversary. How nice, right? They invited us to make ourselves at home, explore the resort, go check out the pool club overlooking the ocean and they would call when our room was ready.

So after an hour of being totally wowed by the grounds and enjoying seeing the lovely pool, athletic club, ocean views, etc., my back was aching and we decided to check back at the desk to see if our room would be available soon. It was about 3:30, so we weren't expecting much. So here we are, me, Ajay and Alia, standing quietly at the front lobby desk, waiting our turn. There were three ladies behind the desk, all busy with other customers and helping each other out. There was another couple standing next to us, also patiently waiting while the staff did their best to accommodate in the most polite of manners. One of the desk clerks asks what she can do for us; we ask if she could check on the availability of our room. She checks her computer, and while she's doing so, he walks in. You know, the dick that thinks the world revolves around him?

He walks in in a very fast pace, breezes by and in front of all of us waiting our turn, drops his overnight bag with a thud into the front desk, and announces very loudly "Murdock, checking in". The three ladies at the counter were startled; they told him they'd be right with him. He exhales loudly. Forget the fact that he just totally cut in front of a pregnant lady holding a baby! I mean, seriously!? WTF?

The lady looks up at me and tells me that our room has just become available, and since the baggage hasn't been requested to be transferred yet, she'll walk us over to the valet to help facilitate. As we're all walking out the door, we hear Mr. Murdock being told that his room isn't quite ready, as standard check in is at 4PM. He exhales again loudly and lets the whole lobby know that he's in a hurry.....

I mean seriously...it's 3:30 on a Sunday...what's he in a hurry for? Does he need to be in surgery? And if it was so important that he get his room immediately, why didn't he call and request an early check in? Ohhhhh, yeah, I remember....the world revolves around him!

Alia is 11 Months Old

As I sit here typing my latest monthly love letter about my darling Muffin Monkeypants, I try to reflect on the last month. I take a deep breath and let out a huge slow exhale. I suppose the single word that encompasses Alia's last month would be independence.

While Alia has always been a bright, interactive, social girl, over the past month Alia has really come out of her shell. Not only is she more confident around other people, she is very comfortable telling me her opinions on just about everything. Yes, some days I wish some of those really LOUD opinions would be kept to herself....as well as the really whiny ones (you know how I feel about whining). But I am happy to finally realize that Alia's new found freedom to express herself and her views is a good thing; it means she's thriving, bright, and confident. I like to think that that's part nurture as well as her nature. I like to think that my efforts have something to do with her catapulting into her terrible wonderful twos at 11 months old!

So what did we do this month?

Alia enjoyed a wagon ride with her cousin Ciela

Alia enjoyed swinging at the beach with Daddy and Mommy

Alia enjoyed her first trip to the zoo...

Alia loved her trip to the Natural History Museum in L.A.

Alia learned that the playpen isn't just a cage....she can stand in it!

We finally installed her swing, which has become part of her daily routine

Alia outgrew about two thirds of her clothes, which means she got lots of new dresses for summer...

Did I mention standing is the new thing? Anything looking remotely like it could support her is grabbed onto...usually my leg...and used as a device pull to a standing position. But who could say no to that little face?

Again...standing....anything can be a tool for her goal...and this one seems to taste good too!

Aside from sharing highlights of Alia's month as well as photographs, I must say that this has been among the most challenging of months for me as a Mom. I'm not the Mom of a newborn anymore. I haven't had that "oh my lord, what is this baby thing, and how do I keep it safe" feeling in a really long time. I'm no longer waking in the night and feeding a newborn. I'm no longer figuring out what the crossed wires of a newborn mean. I'm a confident, happy Mom for the most part. For the past 8 or 9 months, I've felt like I know what I'm doing. However, this month? There have been days that knocked the wind out of me! Alia is a much more complex girl now, even though she's still a baby. She has opinions. She wants to control her destiny. She is a fireball on the changing table, needing constant distraction. And all of these new characteristics seemed to come to a full boil over a matter of days. Although Alia has always had these elements in her personality, they've never been so potent!

Alia is also getting less and less interested in baby food, and more interested in what we're eating. Basically we feed her whatever we're eating. From veggie burgers with lots of pickles to spinach frittatas with garlic, she's a girl that loves flavor. And her absolute favorite thing in the world? Plain full fat organic yogurt. However, I've determined that this new source of dairy has caused her little system to back up, which means that at every meal, I have to look into those big brown sad eyes and explain why there won't be any yogurt today.

Alia has also finally taken to a favorite toy...her Froggy. She doesn't want to be without him. She hugs him vigorously, bites his face and growls with happiness while doing so. She wants Froggy when she's happy. She wants Froggy when she's sad. She wants him when she's tired. She wants him when she's awake. Thank God Froggy can be tossed in the washing machine, because after all the slobber and biting, Froggy can get pretty foul!

All in all this has been huge growth month for Alia and me....mentally, not so much physically. Well, actually, now that I think of it, my belly has grown quite a bit, and we swear Alia is on her way to being 14 feet tall. So, yeah, we've both grown a little in many ways this month!

Past the half way point!

Well, we made it! I'm at 20 weeks now...past the point that I lost Alia's twin brother. And strangely, I don't feel the big "whew" feeling that I thought I might...I think it's because although I definitely haven't forgotten my last pregnancy, this one is different. I've said it before and don't want to go on repeating myself, but I never really felt like I was walking on eggshells this time. And that's a good thing.

So here we are...half way there. Actually, a bit more than half way there since my c-section will most likely be done in the 39th week. So far I've gained 6 and a half pounds. But considering I started out four pounds heavier than where I was at the beginning of my last pregnancy, I feel like I'm right where I should be...about 10 pounds up at the half way mark. But if you consider that at the beginning of my last pregnancy, I was 10 pounds heavier than my normal weight from all the drugs and steroids and hormones from the IVF, then I'm already 20 pounds up. So all of a sudden my very respectable and disciplined 6.5 pound gain becomes 20. Yeah, not so respectable now, huh? So what.

I'm happy. I'm feeling healthy. I'm feeling optimistic....so what my butt is big!? My OB says that we need a bigger butt to balance our bigger belly and boobs on the front...otherwise we'd tip over. I knew I liked her for some reason!

Almost there

Well, here we are smack dab in the middle of my 19th week. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about losing Alia's twin during this same time in my last pregnancy. I suppose this is the milestone week for me...if we get past this week, we're safe....or safer. But a lot has changed since my last pregnancy, too.

My last pregnancy, being my first pregnancy (after two early miscarriages) that I actually got to pour myself into, was spent reading updates from Babycenter every week. I read all about changes in my body, changes in the baby, things I should be on the lookout for, and what's next. I devoured books on pregnancy, devoured cookies, cakes, fast food. I was the quintessential first-time Mommy to be. Thinking there would most likely be a c-section at 38 weeks, my 19th was marked in my mind by "half way there! half way there! we made it half way there!!!" I loved my babies endlessly and thought of them nonstop. And then I lost Alia's brother...I found out at the 20 week anatomy scan that we did a week early.

Looking back on it, I seemed much more invested in everything related to that pregnancy. I had already had the nursery painted, ordered the cribs, bedding and double stroller. I had bought clothes for both babies. Yeah...my story is why you shouldn't do that at 4 months! But honestly, my enthusiasm and excitement about becoming a Mom, to twins no less, couldn't be harnessed. As I watched my pregnancy ticker count down the days, I celebrated with baked goods. I was that girl.

This pregnancy began with a surprise. Just as we were readying ourselves for the frozen embryo transfer, I got pregnant the way most humans do. I was shocked, happy, and yeah, a little worried about all the cocktails we had on my birthday. But it wasn't the same as before. My life...the air I breathed...didn't rely on my being pregnant. I was already okay in my own skin. And I think that's the difference this time.

So although I find myself a calmer, more stable version of my former self, I am looking forward to getting through this 19th week. But when I see 19 weeks in writing? I don't feel like doing the "we're half way there" dance. There's so much ground to cover still. There's a longer way to go than the distance I've already traveled...in my mind anyway. I know it doesn't make sense, but having brought a baby to full term, I know how hard those last 2 months are physically. I know how long that last trimester seems. I've been there. And maybe that's the reason for my milder temperament this go-round. Regardless, we're almost there...almost past this milestone.

Parenting 101

Yesterday I cried at the end of the day. It was that frustrating.

My cuddle bug? My beautiful sweet laughing giggling joking girl? Nowhere to be found. Yesterday was another one of those days. I met friends for lunch, and Alia didn't want to be there. So long as I was 100% focused on her, I could keep the shrieking to a minimum. Again, a day filled with "not THAT, THIS!...Hold me! Put me down! Why did you put me down? Pick me up! Now! keys! I want your keys! No! I want to scratch your face and bite you!

That basically describes my lunch. And while I felt bad for inflicting Alia on my friends, and also felt bad that I missed 99% of the conversation trying to keep Alia, well, content wouldn't be the word here...maybe ummmm, wrangled? Keep my own eyes from bleeding for the complainy, whiney noises coming from her? Yeah. Anyway, after 40 minutes of Alia's behavior, as I'm trying to figure out what to do, what she wants, I see Alia eyeing my keys and hand them to her. My girlfriend who does not have children says "that's right...reward her behavior".

And actually? I was too entertained to be offended! Be my guest!!!! Go ahead and judge me....just wait! When you have a baby, you just let me know all the answers and I'll happily take notes!

Hire me....NOT

So, I'm looking for a little help around here...a nanny/Mom's helper. I plan to hire at the end of August when we get back from Turkey, so that the new person will have enough time to get to know Alia before our new little one joins us in November. I still plan to be a SAHM, but let's be realistic...two babies 15 months apart is pretty chaotic, even for me. So with a single posting on Craig's List, I got maybe 40 responses of people interested.

Okay, I know this is really bad form, but I just can't help myself. I've omitted the name to protect this poor soul, but the rest I'm posting because you just can't buy this kind of stuff. Here is the best response I've ever seen to a job posting...it's reverse psychology at it's best...it's "I'm so unavailable you need to chase me"....it's, it's, it's.....Generation Y? And I left typos as they were...this is a cut/paste job. Here you go....

Hello! I am a 24 year old female and I just graduated from XXXXXX this past December with my BA in Liberal Studies. I started working (nanning) for a family full time, in January and I am currently working for them still. I am looking around and trying to keep my options open because of many reasons, some including the fact that I work at least 40 hours a week and if I don't, then I have to make them up over the following weeks and I don't get every weekend off, which I am looking for because I do want to be able to go to church every Sunday and hang out with my friends and family as well, and as well on Saturdays. I have left a message for a woman who will be hiring people at a school (XXXXXXXXX Calvary) where I have worked before, but needed something that gave me more hours and pay. They are looking for some new teachers for next year, but it all depends on how many students enroll and so I'm waiting to hear back from her. Please let me know what kind of hours and days you are looking for. Also, are you planning on going back to work after your next baby? The kids I take care of now are ages, 11 and a half months and 3 years old. They are great children, but there are many things I just don't know if I can handle any more, which I could tell you about another time. Anyway, I will be going to Africa from August 9th-23rd. Do you have an exact date at the end of August you would like someone to start? Please let me know a little about yourself and your family because honestly, I am a little nervous about nanning for another family after working for this one. If you would like, I could send you my resume. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon!

God bless,

XXXXXXX

P.S. I do travel quite often. So far planned is Africa like I mentioned in August , a house boat trip in Sept. for 5 days (9th-13th), Nicaragua trip in November over Thanksgiving week...exact dates on my calandar at home, and probably a snowboard trip or two in the winter....usually Jan./Feb. for a few days.

P.S.S. If you need any help in July, the people I work for are traveling to New Hampshire from the 7th-25th and I'm not going with them.

So I'll leave it at that. I'll leave for you my reader to ponder...the "I don't know if I can handle this job, I don't know if I can stand dealing with family dynamics, and by the way, I'll be gone for the greater amount of time you need me"... I mean, seriously...is this a job application or a joke?

The hipster

Did I mention a few months back that we finally broke down and bought a new car? If I'm being redundant, sorry! See, I had a BMW 330 that I loved. It was sporty. And fast. Oh yeah, and completely impractical for one baby, let alone having another one on the way. The trunk is tight. The bucket seats? Fine for a normal 30 something to get in and out of, but one that has been pregnant for the past 2 years?

So we shopped for a new car. An SUV. Yep, I decided two kids warranted joining the masses in this car choice. Long story short, I got a new VW Touareg V8. It guzzles gas and zips up our monstrous hill as efficiently as my BMW did. Oh, and lets not forget the navigation, iPod dock in addition to the 6 disk changer, rear camera, heated seats...all the modern conveniences that became standard in cars while I was driving a 2002 model for 7 years. I'm happy with the choice.

Now with all this new technology at my fingertips, and the iPod Dock that I've always dreamed of having, what am I listening to these days? Baby Beluga. It was a gift for Alia from my sister, and let's just say I know all the words to all the songs....and don't know a single song released after in 2009. Welcome to my new world.

Another Day, Another Jump in Clothing Sizes

Alia is almost 11 months old. She's been wearing 12-18 month clothing for the most part for awhile now. Since we're heading to Turkey next month, and it's hot as HOT there, I thought maybe dresses would be the thing to pack for Alia. Typically she's a spunky onesie girl. You know, a sassy onesie with some jersey pants. I dress her for comfort for the most part....like Mommy like baby.

So I went online after Alia was in bed one night this past week and ordered a dozen or so dresses from Baby Gap and Old Navy for our trip, in addition to some cute onesies, comfy shorts, and some balloon rompers. I went ahead and ordered a size up (18-24 months) because I've noticed certain things nearing the end of their wear. And when the order came? To my surprise, almost half of the things were already too small. For sure Alia is long in the torso...always has been. But OMG! The stuff from Old Navy? It's not built for my bouncing bruiser of a girl! I couldn't even snap the onesies or balloon rompers---they ran so small. The Gap items were fine, but like I said, I was really surprised that 18-24  month stuff could already be to small. Who is this big big girl, and what did she do with my tiny baby?

So I went into the local Old Navy to exchange the things that I could exchange. And this time I didn't just wing it. I actually stripped Alia down and tried stuff on in the store before taking it home....I never do this because Alia hates to do fashion shows. Anyway, would you care to guess what size jersey shorts Alia brought home? 3T. That's right. Shorts for a 2-3 year old. But what can I say? Alia's legs are chunky! But aren't babies supposed to be?

So Cute I Don't Know What Else to Say!

20 Week Scan

Well, it's with great relief and a big exhale that I report that we made it through the 20 week scan in one piece. My last 20 week scan was probably the worst day of my life....that's the day that I learned that Alia's twin brother had died.

So you can imagine the thoughts in my head this week. I tried unsuccessfully to reschedule the 20 week scan...I just didn't feel ready for it. I'm only 18 weeks along, and my OB ordered the scan early just to ease my mind, but it had the opposite affect. Instead of feeling reassured that I'd see my baby sooner, it was like moving up the inevitable; taking a test that you hadn't had time to prepare for or going to an interview without giving any thought to why you're there. Unprepared. Both mentally and emotionally.

I knew sooner or later I'd have another scan....but being scarred for life by this particular scan at this particular time of pregnancy made it really hard for me to come to terms. So much has happened in my life since this scan...I've worked through my loss and grief and jumped feet first into being a Mommy to Alia. Maybe I didn't want to have to think about the sadness that was a part of bringing Alia into the world. Or maybe sometimes things are just hard and we can leave it at that.

So the scan. First of all, I had a different lady scanning me than before. And while she was fine, she didn't know my history. And sure I could have communicated that I need to see the heartbeat immediately, I didn't want to tell her why. So as I lie on my back with goop on my belly, probe circling around, I waited. She focused on the head. She focused on the feet. Everything but the heartbeat. It felt like slow motion. And finally, there it was. Thump thump thump. And then the acrobatics began.

See, it seems that this baby is all about her privacy and does not like to be scanned. She did everything in her limited power to make the stenographer's job nearly impossible. Summersaults. Lots of summersaults. At one point I began to worry about her getting tangled in the cord---she is sooo active! And this scan allowed me to see exactly why my left ovary has been so sore for the past week or so...it's become my baby's personal punching bag!

We finally were able to see her face, and to my surprise, being used to having a tiny twin around, I saw Ajay's face on my new little girl. I longer, leaner face. A pointier chin. And his nose. I think I'm actually going to have an Indian looking baby this time! I mean, sure, Alia's skin is a shade or two darker than mine, but that's about where her Indian features end. So there you have it....she's still a girl, she's healthy, active, and measuring perfectly. Oh yeah, and she will carry on her Indian heritage!