Groundhog's Day?

It's busy around here. If I haven't said that before, I'll say it again: having two babies 15 months apart is a lot. A LOT. All caps, bold print.
Now, that said, there are people out there with more kids, kids closer in age, multiples, you name it. All I'm sayin' is that for me? Right now? Two babies is a lot.
A typical day goes something like this:
Wake up at 12AM, feed Amelie. Wake up at 3AM, feed Amelie. Wake up and get up with Amelie at 5AM. Put her in the bouncy chair while I shower. Get dressed, dry hair, apply minimal amount of socially acceptable make up. And by that, I mean the amount of make up it takes to not scare people in public with the bags under my eyes.
I feed Amelie around 6 or 6:30, depending on when she's ready to eat. I play with her as much as possible before she's ready to go back to sleep at 7AM....which, surprisingly lucky me, is when Alia has been waking up. So after jiggling Amelie off to sleep for her signature micro-nap (read: the girl does not sleep....my nanny with 20 years of experience claims that she's never seen anything like it), I go in and greet Alia. She likes to enjoy a little milk in bed before facing her day, and typically we'll play for 15 or 20 minutes in her crib and/or room before getting her up. At 7:30, my nanny arrives. She throws the laundry in. She tidies up the kitchen. And then Amelie is awake....about 30-45 minutes after she is put down for her first nap. So my nanny and I begin the juggling act. I make Alia's breakfast and put her in the highchair. My nanny will hold Amelie or feed Alia, whichever I ask her to do. I do whatever she's not doing. After she eats, I get Alia dressed, washed up, and ready for the world, and we head out. A typical day is either a trip to the beach, down to town for a stroll, the mall, the grocery store, the bookstore, the library...basically we choose the activity based on what she hasn't done in awhile, what weather permits, and how tired I am from night duty with Amelie.
Our morning activity concludes around 10:30 when Alia is ready for her morning nap. Yes, she is 18 months old and still naps two times a day. I know that makes her a rarity, but my pediatrician says not only should I not be concerned, but I should be celebrating and enjoying the time it gives me. Once Alia is down, I use the time in one of several ways...on nights that Amelie kept me up all night, I too will nap. On days in which the nighttime rest is adequate, I'll make dinner during Alia's morning nap if Amelie is asleep as well, but if Amelie is awake, I snag whatever time I can with her. As noon approaches, or if Alia wakes up and begins her signature hooting and hollering from her crib, I make her lunch.
Alia eats well...she loves whole foods....from avocados, fresh fruit and whole yogurt to peanut butter sandwiches or last night's leftovers, she enjoys lunch on most days.
After lunch, we clean up, change shirts if necessary, and head out again...down to town, to the store, to the park, to the mall, the beach to the bookstore, to the library....whatever we haven't done in awhile and whatever we're both up for. We sing in the car. We talk about what we see....Alia shows me her sign language for tree every time we see one. She exclaims "TUH-TUH-TUH" for every truck we pass, and the bigger the truck, the greater the reverence.
When our afternoon activity ends, we head back home. If Ajay is getting home around this time, we wait for him in the driveway, where Alia gets to slide in through the window and "park" the car in the garage from the safety of Daddy's lap. If he's working later than 4, Alia goes down for her nap and will see Daddy when she gets up. My nanny leaves between 3:30 and 4:00. Oh, and the afternoon nap at this time is usually just quiet time...maybe 1 day in 4 will she actually fall asleep in her crib, but it's time that she needs to regroup and reflect, and it's time that I use to once again connect with little Amelie.
At 5PM, Alia gets up from her nap, and this last part of her day is pretty much exclusively Daddy's time. Which means more time with Amelie for me! Every other day, I use this time to bathe Amelie, or put the finishing touches on dinner if Amelie happens to also be napping. Ajay will play with Alia, or perhaps take her to a neighbors, or for a final stroll in town. I get Alia's dinner ready while they're occupied, as well as set up for her bath. I gather her pjs, nighttime diapers, toothbrush, hair brush, etc. and make sure they are all handy for when it's time to bathe the tornado Alia. From here, the day-end becomes a blur...Alia gets overly stimulated and can sometimes be quite a handful through dinner and bath time. After these are finished, Alia likes to watch her sign language DVD for a bit, and then reads with Daddy in her bedroom until it's lights-out at 7PM.  Amelie may or may not be napping or down for the night by now...we have yet to establish a true sleep routine for her, but for the most part she also goes to bed around 7PM, which allows Ajay and me to have dinner together, typically in front of the TV and whatever TIVO caught for us. However, sometimes Amelie holds on until the very end, which makes it more of a baby-pass-around-take-turns-eating event followed by an immediate surrender to bed for all of us when we finally do manage to make the baby sleep. Lights-out for us is pathetically around 9, or even before! Because guess what? Amelie is going to be up in an hour or two or three or four, and you never know which it's going to be!
So there you have it...that's what life looks like for us right now with an 18 month old and a 3 month old. I am busier than ever, and barely get half the things done in a day that I'd like to, but all in all, I think we're doing pretty well.

Parenting 101

Yesterday I cried at the end of the day. It was that frustrating.

My cuddle bug? My beautiful sweet laughing giggling joking girl? Nowhere to be found. Yesterday was another one of those days. I met friends for lunch, and Alia didn't want to be there. So long as I was 100% focused on her, I could keep the shrieking to a minimum. Again, a day filled with "not THAT, THIS!...Hold me! Put me down! Why did you put me down? Pick me up! Now! keys! I want your keys! No! I want to scratch your face and bite you!

That basically describes my lunch. And while I felt bad for inflicting Alia on my friends, and also felt bad that I missed 99% of the conversation trying to keep Alia, well, content wouldn't be the word here...maybe ummmm, wrangled? Keep my own eyes from bleeding for the complainy, whiney noises coming from her? Yeah. Anyway, after 40 minutes of Alia's behavior, as I'm trying to figure out what to do, what she wants, I see Alia eyeing my keys and hand them to her. My girlfriend who does not have children says "that's right...reward her behavior".

And actually? I was too entertained to be offended! Be my guest!!!! Go ahead and judge me....just wait! When you have a baby, you just let me know all the answers and I'll happily take notes!

Hire me....NOT

So, I'm looking for a little help around here...a nanny/Mom's helper. I plan to hire at the end of August when we get back from Turkey, so that the new person will have enough time to get to know Alia before our new little one joins us in November. I still plan to be a SAHM, but let's be realistic...two babies 15 months apart is pretty chaotic, even for me. So with a single posting on Craig's List, I got maybe 40 responses of people interested.

Okay, I know this is really bad form, but I just can't help myself. I've omitted the name to protect this poor soul, but the rest I'm posting because you just can't buy this kind of stuff. Here is the best response I've ever seen to a job posting...it's reverse psychology at it's best...it's "I'm so unavailable you need to chase me"....it's, it's, it's.....Generation Y? And I left typos as they were...this is a cut/paste job. Here you go....

Hello! I am a 24 year old female and I just graduated from XXXXXX this past December with my BA in Liberal Studies. I started working (nanning) for a family full time, in January and I am currently working for them still. I am looking around and trying to keep my options open because of many reasons, some including the fact that I work at least 40 hours a week and if I don't, then I have to make them up over the following weeks and I don't get every weekend off, which I am looking for because I do want to be able to go to church every Sunday and hang out with my friends and family as well, and as well on Saturdays. I have left a message for a woman who will be hiring people at a school (XXXXXXXXX Calvary) where I have worked before, but needed something that gave me more hours and pay. They are looking for some new teachers for next year, but it all depends on how many students enroll and so I'm waiting to hear back from her. Please let me know what kind of hours and days you are looking for. Also, are you planning on going back to work after your next baby? The kids I take care of now are ages, 11 and a half months and 3 years old. They are great children, but there are many things I just don't know if I can handle any more, which I could tell you about another time. Anyway, I will be going to Africa from August 9th-23rd. Do you have an exact date at the end of August you would like someone to start? Please let me know a little about yourself and your family because honestly, I am a little nervous about nanning for another family after working for this one. If you would like, I could send you my resume. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon!

God bless,

XXXXXXX

P.S. I do travel quite often. So far planned is Africa like I mentioned in August , a house boat trip in Sept. for 5 days (9th-13th), Nicaragua trip in November over Thanksgiving week...exact dates on my calandar at home, and probably a snowboard trip or two in the winter....usually Jan./Feb. for a few days.

P.S.S. If you need any help in July, the people I work for are traveling to New Hampshire from the 7th-25th and I'm not going with them.

So I'll leave it at that. I'll leave for you my reader to ponder...the "I don't know if I can handle this job, I don't know if I can stand dealing with family dynamics, and by the way, I'll be gone for the greater amount of time you need me"... I mean, seriously...is this a job application or a joke?

The hipster

Did I mention a few months back that we finally broke down and bought a new car? If I'm being redundant, sorry! See, I had a BMW 330 that I loved. It was sporty. And fast. Oh yeah, and completely impractical for one baby, let alone having another one on the way. The trunk is tight. The bucket seats? Fine for a normal 30 something to get in and out of, but one that has been pregnant for the past 2 years?

So we shopped for a new car. An SUV. Yep, I decided two kids warranted joining the masses in this car choice. Long story short, I got a new VW Touareg V8. It guzzles gas and zips up our monstrous hill as efficiently as my BMW did. Oh, and lets not forget the navigation, iPod dock in addition to the 6 disk changer, rear camera, heated seats...all the modern conveniences that became standard in cars while I was driving a 2002 model for 7 years. I'm happy with the choice.

Now with all this new technology at my fingertips, and the iPod Dock that I've always dreamed of having, what am I listening to these days? Baby Beluga. It was a gift for Alia from my sister, and let's just say I know all the words to all the songs....and don't know a single song released after in 2009. Welcome to my new world.

Our first stand off

The other evening, it was time for Alia's bath. The routine usually goes something like this....I get the water going, apply the proper amount of suds, gather the appropriate toys, lotion, diapers, wash cloth, bath towel, and cushion for drying Alia on while Ajay gets Alia undressed, usually on the kitchen island.

So on this particular night, Alia was grumbling away. Whining. I hate whining. There's nothing worse to me that hearing whining. And Alia's whine is exceptional. It hits the perfect pitch that nearly blinds me and crosses my eyes at the same time. 

So as the whining began---her little protest----I decided I'd had enough for one day and said "Alia? No whining." I said it in a matter-of-fact way, not an emotional reaction. A statement of how things were to be. And she looked up at me and whined one more time. To this I responded with Noooo. And to this she responded Yaaaaaah. I cracked a smile, and repeated Noooo. And she smiled and said YAAAAH! All the while, she is standing on the kitchen island (Ajay holding her in a standing position, that is) in only her diaper....belly sticking out, her little butt sticking out, and her index finger in her belly button. Now if that wasn't a site. And talk about the perfect combination of imagery and delivery. I'd say that Alia won that debate, but since we both got what we wanted, and Alia's whines turned into laughter, I'll call it a win-win.

Do they have babies in Turkey?

Today while Alia napped, I got busy planning. Since I've already traveled in a plane with Alia a couple of times, I know just how much planning it takes. And those were domestic trips. This will be Alia's first big trip outside the country, where I don't speak the language, and the locals barely speak my language. So like a good girl scout, I want to be prepared!

First, let's talk about milk versus formula...Alia will turn 1 when we're in Turkey, which is, from my understanding, typically when you change from formula to whole milk. However, since fresh whole milk is hard to come by in Turkbuku, and they mainly carry that strange shelf-stable type of milk, I'm thinking we'll stick with formula until we're back in the U.S. So with that in mind, I began my neurotic, Type-A calculating. We'll be gone for count them 1-2-3-....23 days. And if Alia has about four 8 ounce bottles per day, that's like, 92 bottles for the entire time we're away. 

Now, let's think about the options. Option 1 would be to throw caution to the wind an expect to be able to find some sort of formula for Alia. Okay. How many things can go wrong with this? I mean, I'm sure they have formula...but Alia's only had her brand of organic formula her whole life...is it really such a good idea to try something new while abroad where communication is challenging and her pediatrician is really really far away if she doesn't tolerate it? So we'll bring her formula with us. How do we go about this process? Well, one option would be to throw a bunch of canisters in my bag, and hope that I have enough. But the option I chose was meticulously calculating how many bottles could be made per canister. Okay...so I'll need about 4 of the mother load sized canisters. Done.

 Right? Well, sure, we could be done there, but let's think this through....do I really want to carry a whole freaking canister of formula onto the airplane, and pray that some flight attendant will give me the water that I need when I need to mix it? I imagined my rowdy girl kicking over the mother load size canister and leaving me to sit in sticky milk dust for 17 hours. That's when I thought of the to-go packets. Each to-go packet makes a 4 ounce bottle. Less waste...less bulk. MUCH easier to carry in the carry-on. But still, we have the problem of getting water when we need it in flight. That's when I thought of the pre-mixed 8-ounce nursers. Oh yeah, now we're talking. Aside from needing the check on the liquid regulations for baby formula, I think we'll be going that route for the flights, and then doing the to-go packs for the rest of the trip. Decision made. And see? Hardly any neurosis. HA! Seriously...you should see the math worksheet I did to calculate Alia's 23-day supply of formula needs, as broken down by canister, pre-made nursers and to-go packets. Actually, you should see my worksheet....here you go:



Now let's talk diapers, wipes and face wipes. If my calculations are correct, we'll need roughly 10 diapers per day for 23 days, or 230 diapers. That breaks down to two xtra large cases. And while we're at it...wipes. Shouldn't I consider taking those with me too? Let's say I'll need 2 wipes per diaper change. That's about 460 wipes. And with 88 wipes per pack, I'll need 6 packs of wipes. And now that we're talking about keeping baby clean, how long will we be in transit? Shouldn't I consider some baby face wipes too? Three packs of those ought to do it.

Now that we've got the basics figured out, let's place the order! I mean, sure it seems like we're taking a lot of stuff along with us, but Alia gets her own suitcase since we bought her a seat on the plane, so we should have plenty of space...I mean, after all, her clothes don't take up too much room! Right?
Okay, maybe I overdid it. Maybe they do in fact have babies in Turkey, and I'll bet they have diapers, too. 

Baby steps...rather...Mommy steps

Okay, alright, I've admitted it before, I'll admit it again...I am a big fat baby lovin' co-sleeper. Since Alia was born, I haven't slept apart from her. In the beginning, we used the little co-sleeper thing that keeps her safe from being smooshed when Mommy and Daddy drink cocktails and go to sleep with the baby. And before you call social services on us, that was a joke...we spent way too much money making Alia to treat our investment carelessly! Actually we carry her around on pillows sometimes...that is no joke.

The co-sleeper contraption? It didn't last long. In fact, once Ajay went back to work after his "paternity leave" (I use quotes because he basically took unpaid time off work...didn't you know? Doctors have the worst benefits in the world...but that's not what we're talking about today), I just slept with her in a spare bed in her room so we wouldn't wake him...until this week.

After a week spent re-reading Babywise, as well as asking my Pediatrician 100 questions about sleep patterns and what can be expected of my baby at this age, I resolved that it was time for Alia to sleep in her expensive toy box (read: crib). So earlier this week, I boasted and bragged that she made it through one night, on her own, and so did Mommy...and the sky didn't fall. Well, I'm happy to say that things progressed nicely this week; Alia slept in her expensive toy box for 3 consecutive nights, and that's when I decided it was time for me to return to my chambers...that's right...my bed. In my room. Yep, that's right...last night, Mommy moved back to the big bed. With Daddy. And a baby monitor 2.5 centimeters from my ear. 

So I'm here to report that while putting Alia in her crib and letting her sleep there at night (and now for her daily naps) and moving myself back in where I belong was the furthest thing from my mind just 6 days ago, we've accomplished a major milestone in a very short time! As I type, my little cutie is sleeping away in her expensive toy box, and Mommy is coming to terms with that!

A light at the end of the sleepy tunnel?

Today I woke up feeling pretty good. Yesterday's increase in nap time actually did prove to make for a better night...forget what everybody says and what logic and your own intuition says...fewer naps and less sleep during the day does not mean longer sleep at night...in fact, not enough sleep during the day is pretty much a guarantee that babies have extended bouts of crying in the late afternoon, become overstimulated, frantic, and find drifting off to sleep nearly impossible.

No, I'm not the authority...at all. In fact, Alia has still only slept more than 5 hours at a stretch one time. But we're making progress...last night rather than waking up every 2.5 to 3 hours, she slept in 4 hour stretches, and had no, that's right, NO afternoon meltdown! This after allowing her to sleep almost 3 hours in the late afternoon...which I was very nervous about, but decided to just follow what the Babywise book said and see what happened...after all, it couldn't get much worse, right? The book said basically what my first paragraph details about the need for enough sleep throughout the day. And to my surprise, Alia went off to sleep with minimal reassuring...in her crib/expensive toy box...and remained there all night, except for getting up for her late night feedings. Which, by the way, the author of Babywise says should not be necessary anymore...sure, try telling Alia that!

She can do it!

Yesterday I wrote about how I need to get back on track and really give these baby rearin' strategies that I've been reading about a chance to work. So since I found yesterday that every single little thing I do to get Alia to sleep is a big fat No-No, I thought I'd try things the right way.

First of all, there's a reason Alia has been sleeping with me...she would not, could not sleep alone in her crib. In fact, in the early days, if you wanted to make Alia cry, you put her in the crib. But yesterday I was all about challenging myself...I don't want to be one of "those Moms" that unbeknownst to them, helps to create situations with their kids by automatically assuming that they know things that may not be the case anymore...example..."no, Suzy won't eat carrots, don't even try it"...you get what I'm saying...I want to keep an open mind and try my best not to fall into that. On the other hand, since Alia turned purple with tears and tantrums the last time I tried to put her in the crib, I suppose I did make a note to self that Alia won't be sleeping in the crib anytime soon. But Alia's preferences are moving targets these days.

Anyway, I am proud to say that yesterday, Alia took a 45 minute nap in her crib. I put her down, rubbed her belly, stroked her hair, said nice things to her, and as she began to drift off, I stepped away. When I came back to check on her 15 minutes later, here's what I found...can you believe it? The crib actually does function as a place to sleep!

Fueled by this success, I challenged both of us to try sleeping apart last night, and to my mixed emotions, I can report that Alia did in fact sleep in her crib last night. And after feeding every 3 hours? She went right back to her crib!

Duh!!!!

Alright, alright, maybe my last blog was a bit too over the top. Books aren't evil...the people who write them are. No, no, no...I don't mean that either. I'm just a frustrated Mom getting a truckload of differing opinions from different authors...from pediatrician authors to nurse authors to Mom authors to child behaviorist authors...all of them say different things and it's hard to know what to believe.

Take Babywise, for example. I've been following this strategy since Alia was born. I try to maintain a 3 hour cycle throughout the day with Eat-Play-Sleep being the order of things. I read this book while I was pregnant, and know that my sister in law Lena followed this strategy with her first born. So I gave it a shot...in my head I thought I was doing it right. But this darn baby of mine just wasn't cooperating. She'd Eat, then we'd Play, and then she'd Sleep...the goal being that her nap would take her through to the beginning of the next cycle...Eat. Only she won't sleep that long...and when she wakes up unexpectedly after 25 minutes, you guessed it! She knows the cycle and she's ready to eat! Forget that she just ate an hour and a half ago. So then Mommy (me) gets to bring her in off the ledge and soothe her and calm her and try my best to convince her that it isn't time to eat and to just get the baby back to sleep. Then the bargaining begins. Then I start pulling out the stops...rocking her...lying down with her...putting her in the vibrating pod chair...that's right...using all the "crutches" that Babywise warns against. See, the author of this book thinks babies sleep magically by themselves. Ooops, sorry, my bitterness leaked out. Or maybe it was my exhaustion that leaked out. Regardless...

I decided this morning to re-read this book in hopes of finding what I'm doing wrong. After all, if the author touts that you don't need sleep aids or "crutches", he must offer a solution...right? Not just "cry it out", right? Because that's out of vogue, right? Right????? Well, I made it to page 110 this morning before Little Miss interrupted by waking up 25 minutes into her nap, and the alternate cycle detailed above began again...no, not the Eat Play Sleep cycle...the cycle that includes bargaining and talking out loud to Baby Jesus...begging him for some Baby insight to make it stop...to make it work...to make it easier like the book says! So now that she's back to sleep (yes, in her new sing that rocks from side to side, not front to back...genius by the way) I've decided to reflect on what I've done wrong.

For starters, it says that your day should begin at the same time every day...ie., if you set your wakey wakey time at 6:15, and Alia wants to sleep til 8, and Mommy wants to sleep til 8, that's not okay...the day should begin at 6:15 regardless if the girls are tired from being up every 2.5 hours all night long. Okay, guilty. If I can get Missy back to sleep in the morning, I'm all about that. Bad Mommy.

I also found that it's not just Eat, Play, Sleep uniformly all day long...the activity and activity level should change throughout the day. The early morning feeding should be followed by awake time just lying in her crib (up until now, her expensive toy box that has yet to house her for a single nap), looking at the mobile or other low-key, ease-into-it type things. Then the next feeding should step up the activity just a bit...she can be nearby on a blanket while I read or sew (Babywise's example, not mine since sewing has never occurred to me). Then from there, maybe an outing follows the next feeding, etc., etc. See, I haven't been doing that at all...I've been killing myself to give her lots of stimulation throughout the day (with no time for myself, to say, read a book, or stretch my body). My Play-time with Alia begins with the activity jungle mat, with me singing along with the songs it plays and shaking the mobile to engage her...she loves it. From there we go to Tummy Time...then we go to the other mobile, where I shake it and sing her songs...then we go outside for a walk...then we do a fashion show where I put on the cutest outfit I can find and take lots of pictures of her. By then, an hour has passed and she's yawning and exhausted...no wonder I can't keep her up for a whole two hours...I've just packed a whole day's activity into one freaking hour! Duh! Spread it out, for God's sake! A little down time is a good thing!

Also beginning now, I'm challenging myself to think more about US (baby and me) and less about BABY (singular). I know this, and I knew this before reading this...I knew this before having the baby, even. It just reminded me that an out of balance Mommy is not the best Mommy. So I need to read on to see what else they suggest and figure out how I can apply some of these things to help me get back on track...