20 Week Scan

Well, it's with great relief and a big exhale that I report that we made it through the 20 week scan in one piece. My last 20 week scan was probably the worst day of my life....that's the day that I learned that Alia's twin brother had died.

So you can imagine the thoughts in my head this week. I tried unsuccessfully to reschedule the 20 week scan...I just didn't feel ready for it. I'm only 18 weeks along, and my OB ordered the scan early just to ease my mind, but it had the opposite affect. Instead of feeling reassured that I'd see my baby sooner, it was like moving up the inevitable; taking a test that you hadn't had time to prepare for or going to an interview without giving any thought to why you're there. Unprepared. Both mentally and emotionally.

I knew sooner or later I'd have another scan....but being scarred for life by this particular scan at this particular time of pregnancy made it really hard for me to come to terms. So much has happened in my life since this scan...I've worked through my loss and grief and jumped feet first into being a Mommy to Alia. Maybe I didn't want to have to think about the sadness that was a part of bringing Alia into the world. Or maybe sometimes things are just hard and we can leave it at that.

So the scan. First of all, I had a different lady scanning me than before. And while she was fine, she didn't know my history. And sure I could have communicated that I need to see the heartbeat immediately, I didn't want to tell her why. So as I lie on my back with goop on my belly, probe circling around, I waited. She focused on the head. She focused on the feet. Everything but the heartbeat. It felt like slow motion. And finally, there it was. Thump thump thump. And then the acrobatics began.

See, it seems that this baby is all about her privacy and does not like to be scanned. She did everything in her limited power to make the stenographer's job nearly impossible. Summersaults. Lots of summersaults. At one point I began to worry about her getting tangled in the cord---she is sooo active! And this scan allowed me to see exactly why my left ovary has been so sore for the past week or so...it's become my baby's personal punching bag!

We finally were able to see her face, and to my surprise, being used to having a tiny twin around, I saw Ajay's face on my new little girl. I longer, leaner face. A pointier chin. And his nose. I think I'm actually going to have an Indian looking baby this time! I mean, sure, Alia's skin is a shade or two darker than mine, but that's about where her Indian features end. So there you have it....she's still a girl, she's healthy, active, and measuring perfectly. Oh yeah, and she will carry on her Indian heritage!