The new sheriff, part deux...

So remember my post about there being a new sheriff in town? Well, it was my last post come to think of it. Anyway...my self-discovery as a parent continues this week.


Some days, Alia smacks me in the face. I give her my firmest NO! and she looks at me like I annoy her even more, and she gears up to smack me again.


Some days, Alia runs around like a wild monkey when it's time to leave the house. "Let's get dressed" and "lets put on our shoes" is just an invitation for my naughty girl to challenge me. She runs from me. She hides in her tent, in her closet, runs around the table. We cannot get out the door even when we need to.


On some days, Alia wants everything. The 10,000th bear to add to her collection. The 500th ball to add to her collection. And yet, we indulge. She doesn't often hear "No" when it comes to things she wants.


Alia enjoys bringing paper towels from their storage place in garage. We buy a case at Costco, and bring them up as needed. Only as far as Alia is concerned, we need a new roll every day. Sometimes two. So I open my cabinet beneath the sink and paper towels fall out. I open my cleaning supply cabinet and paper towels fall out. I do not want all these paper towels in my cabinets...but rather than telling Alia, "no, we're not bringing towels up this time", we indulge.


Now to some people, these may not seem like serious issues. After all, Alia is 17 months old and is learning how the world works. And as human beings, we succeed through life by manipulating the environment around us to our liking....and by golly, Alia is an expert at that component of being human! But, as a parent, it's my job to guide her, and I have room to improve in that area.


Okay, see, up until now, I've found myself thinking "what's a few extra rolls of paper towels? it makes her happy. loosen up, Monica". However, this type of thinking is also responsible for putting off teaching her no. And do I really want to teach her "no" when she's 2?


Now, I'm not saying I'm the new nazi in town and it's my way or the highway, but I am hoping to tighten things up a little bit around here. Up until now, I think I've given her too much latitude because  she's only a year old...like "she's just a baby, what do you expect"?

But now I see the error in my ways....I realize now that she totally knows what to expect at naptime, bedtime, dinner time, and even bath time, and behaves accordingly...no crying, dragging her feet...she just knows. 

But during the day? She thinks she's been put on the earth to order me around. On some days, transitioning from one activity to the next is a kicking and hitting/crying nightmare. I think I need to stop asking her "do you want to...." and just lay it out for her as to what the plan is. Today for example..."do you want to go to the library?" Yeah! she says. Then it took me at least 25 minutes to get her dressed through crying and hitting me. Rather than telling her "it's time to get dressed" I was saying "don't you want to go? to the library?" and then she would cry more because she was stuck between wanting to go and wanting to fight getting dressed. 

The whole idea that she gets to choose what we do and when we do it is ridiculous if you think about it...she's one. She's one member of our family and I have other responsibilities...I'm not here to be her full time facilitator of her whims. I think I need to be more in control and cognitive of what we're teaching of her...and if I'm allowing her to run around like a monkey when it's time to get her shoes on, I'm basically telling her it's okay if I stand for it. Anyway, that's where we're at right now...back at the drawing board!

Yesterday....

Yesterday was one of those days. Amelie didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time the night before, and as it was Thursday, that means that I had been on the night duty for 6 nights in a row. I was utterly exhausted.

And this was the day that Alia did a few things.

First thing in the morning, I knew we were in for a treat of a day. Alia's typical high-energy was at a frenzy level from the time she got up. Getting her out the door to go ride the carousel was a maddening, bargaining frustrating feat of all feats. I had to remind her about a dozen times that we were going to ride the carousel because she wanted to go, that I was not in fact dragging her to some place that I wanted to go. The outing was for her. And she responded by kicking me while putting on her new favorite shoes (the pink and white checked Vans). I put her in the car, got ready to take off and notice Alia is eating something in her carseat. It was, in fact, a four day old quesadilla. Ajay had mentioned that she had eaten a quesadilla in record time on the way home from picking up our dinner the other night, but now it's revealed that the quesadilla was simply stashed in her carseat's convenient side pocket for later consumption. Seriously...that's one of the times as a parent you don't know if you should laugh or throw up. Yeah...so that was the beginning of the day.

Next, after the morning outing, I had planned to sleep when she went down for her big nap, which I can always count on her having at least 90 minutes. My cleaning people were here, so I decided that the best and only quiet place to sleep would be in Alia's room. My plan was that after she went to sleep, I'd sneak in and sleep on the futon. Right? Well, I watched on the monitor as she rolled around for 20 minutes. Finally she was down. I snuck in and every so quietly laid on the futon. This is a maneuver we've done before, by the way. I close my eyes. My mind races, and finally, I fall asleep. And then I hear the hooting and playing. Alia can't see me because I've barricaded her view with pillows, so she has no clue that I'm in the room. She continues to play, and I continue to pray that she'll go back to sleep. For 40 minutes I listen to her play. And then I realize that nap time is over. And I had slept for 8 minutes.

By this time I'm out of my mind tired, and my level of frustration with the day was near the breaking point. Oh, and did I even mention that my cleaning lady's helper managed to break my vacuum, too? Yeah, one of those days. And the bread for my lousy lunch of peanut butter and jelly was stale. And my car is covered in cracker crumbs, juice splatter, and hidden foods. And and and....F@CK!!!! When is it going to end!??????

So, flash forward a few hours later. The girls are asleep. I decided I needed to reboot. Roll up my sleeves. Get down to the brass tacks. Batten down the hatches. Tighten up the whatever you tighten up. Mommy is the captain of this ship...not the various monkeys I am in charge of. I started asking myself a few tough questions.

Why is Alia running around the house like a frenzied tornado?
What does she kick and hit me?
Why is my car splattered with juice, milk, and various types of crumbs?
And why is it okay that she runs around with a bottle dangling from her mouth when she has fallen up the stairs and run into things causing herself injury more than once?
And why is she still going to bed with a bottle of milk when we know better?
And why am I back to coming up with 12 different alternatives per meal in order to please her culinary savvy?

Well, let me tell you why. Because that's what I've taught her to do. Yep. It's my fault, and guess what...there's a new mother effin' sheriff in town.

Today we started a new day. There is no snacking allowed in my car. There is no juice allowed in my car. There are no bottles allowed outside of contained areas...i.e., her high chair or crib, and in the crib there is only water allowed in said bottle. I won't be responsible for ruining those beautiful, perfect white, shiny little baby teeth by letting her sleep the night with a big old milky bottle in her possession. Alia is allowed water in a sippy cup if she chooses to have a drink to run around with because she has to hold onto it and can't carry it in her mouth and possibly knock out her teeth when/if she falls on it.

So. Those are the new rules from the new sheriff. And as I meekly offered her water in a sippy cup instead of juice in a bottle for her morning scamper throughout the house, she, to my surprise, gladly took it and ran off. She came back and asked for juice. I told her she could have juice with her breakfast in her highchair. She replied "Yeah!".

And that my friends, is the silver lining of the worst storm cloud I've had in awhile.

Baby Signing Time

Today it's as if Alia knew that she needed to be sweet.

Today we were sitting side by side watching Baby Signing Time after her breakfast. We got to the part where they teach the sign for pain. There's a little cartoon clip of a frog who is hurting, and he signs that it hurts on his belly, it hurts on his head, it hurts on his arm, etc. Then the cartoon babies put bandaids on all those places and everyone giggles. Then there is a song in the background that talks about making it better with a kiss. It's cute.

So then, Alia grabs her Froggy, lifts up my shirt, and makes kissing noises, and makes her Froggy kiss my incision on my belly button from when I had my gall bladder removed a few weeks ago. And not just one set of kisses...this went on for at least 10 minutes.

And when I signed "thank you" to Alia? She gave me her biggest smile and leaned in for a hug. And this is the girl who will not be hugged!

NOTE:
No, I am not paid to speak of Baby Signing Time. I'm just a Mom who has a baby who LOVES this program.

Amelie is 2 Months old!

Where did this past month go? It seems like I blinked and now I'm clearing NB sized Carters out of Amelie's section of the closet. She, like her sister, is growing fast and is a BIG eater, as I've mentioned before. So now we're flirting with a size 3M while she's just 2 months old.

At the Lalvani house, things are busy. We're very tired. While I love that my girls are going to grow up so close in age, I sometimes wonder if we weren't a little crazy having babies 15 months apart. I'll probably continue with this thought for a few years.

This month, one thing became very very clear. Amelie is not Alia. They are two totally different girls. We've had to start from scratch on our baby wrangling...even down to how Amelie is soothed is different than Alia. Alia did well with the "Happiest Baby in the Block" method...you basically shoosh directly in the baby's ear while their swaddled, jiggle their head, and pop a binky in their mouth. Alia loved it. Amelie finds it a personal assault. Amelie is her own girl.

Amelie has taken awhile to "wake up". I figure, I had a c-section at 39 weeks. What if she wasn't ready yet...what if by her account, she wanted to arrive at 41 or 42 weeks? Because from what I can tell, she's about 2 or 3 weeks behind where Alia was. Amelie is now lifting her head. She is tracking my voice. Her eyes have recovered from the disconjugate gaze she had for the first 6 weeks (read: both eyes didn't always focus on the same thing when she was tired). Amelie is showing a lot of signs of maturing though.

While Amelie has a hard time consoling herself, I have to wonder if it's partly my fault and my own lack of time with her. While I am with her all day every day, my time is divided between Amelie and Alia, and my nanny spends much of her time with Amelie since Alia demands my attention. So even though I'm here, I don't have the undivided attention to offer her that I had with Alia. Take last night for example...Amelie had gone beyond her 2 hour limit of wake time. She just couldn't find her sleep. She cried and cried and cried. Nothing I did could help. And I tried every thing....from gripe water to and extra feeding to swaying her while swaddled, none of my magic Amelie tricks worked. And then...she drifted off...and the m*ther f'ing phone rang...and she woke up. More hysterical than I've ever seen her. Another hour past of her turning nearly purple from crying. I finally got her to calm down by giving her a bath. It was the saddest bath I've ever seen...her little lips having quivering aftershocks and her breathing would catch from time to time. Oh, and the phone that rang? It was a harassment branch of Chase Home Finance calling us for the 17th time that day wondering where our November mortgage payment was even though we have provided them with a canceled check proving our on-time payment six weeks ago. So yeah, hate them!

Before beginning this, I read Alia's two-month progress report. What I saw was two very different babies. As I said before, Amelie is a little slower to "wake up" from her newborn state. She's not as social yet...there's not nearly so much eye contact or engagement, although we're starting to see the beginning of this now. Amelie does not sleep in my bed like Alia did...she sleeps in the swing, bassinet,  and even car seat. While I've tried to co-sleep with her just like with Alia, Amelie's little busy hands will not quit until she's broken free of her swaddle, and that's when the little hands slapping my face makes another night's sleep a comical idea. That said, my one on one time with her is nights and weekends, so even the sleepless nights that Amelie is famous for are sometimes bonding, in a sick sick way. That said, physically speaking, Amelie is healthy,gaining weight rapidly, and had her first real smile on New Year's Eve. Although she is a little dazed when watching all the Alia activity, I'm sure she'll be her biggest fan in no time.

Size-wise, Amelie and Alia are neck-'n-neck. I am not quite as concerned with the huge volume that Amelie wants to eat because look at Alia...she did the same, and she's now a healthy and energetic toddler who has burned away much of that baby fat.

Amelie is teaching me that I need to be aware that I have two very different babies and they are going to continue to be different from one another. It's not fair to compare them because they are different people. Amelie will come into her own at her own pace. I'm just lucky to be her Mommy and to witness this incredible, beautiful and unique little life as it develops.

Tell me what to do and I'll do it!

So Amelie.

She is my little bitty teeny tiny girl. She is sweetness. She is new. She is beautiful.

She is a cryer.

Take the last few hours for example. If she's awake, she's been crying. She, like her sister, is a big eater. Although they say to formula feed no sooner than every 3 hours and no more than 35 ounces per day, Amelie is rooting at 2 hours. She is delirious and inconsolable by 2 hours 20 minutes. So I feed her. And she's happy...while the bottle is in her mouth and she is actively involved in eating. But when the bottle is finished? It's back to crying.

Is she not getting enough food? Well, good question, but considering she gets 5 ounces for every feed (which gives my pediatrician pause, as it's the maximum to feed a baby before offering solids) I can't imagine she could hold more being just 8 weeks old. Okay, so am I feeding her too much? Good question...but as the Mom, here, I have to rely on my instincts, and my instincts tell me that this girl is every bit as hungry as the food she's eating...she would happily eat nonstop if I let her.

During my 6 week follow up with her pediatrician, I explained that if Amelie is awake, she is likely to be crying. She has a tough time comforting herself...in fact, to date, she has never stopped herself from crying...it always has to be an active intervention by one of us to console her. Not a self-soother. And her crying escalates and escalates very rapidly. She will be purple within 20 seconds of a good cry.

With Alia and Amelie, I've tried to follow the Eat, Play, Sleep model on a three hour cycle. I never felt like it worked so well with Alia, and I'm finding that it isn't working so well with Amelie either (so why am I doing it??? Good question!) Basically Amelie is on her own cycle. She eats. She gets gassy. She lets out burps and gas and cries. While trying to soothe her by bouncing her on an exercise ball (her Godsend, and if you havn't tried this I recommend it for tough babies) she will fall asleep, at which time I'll put her in her swing and she'll sleep anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours, and regardless of how long she's slept, she will wake up crying. She will continue to cry until I feed her...

So please, tell me, my dear Mom readers...what do I do? What am I doing wrong? What am I not doing? Is there any Mommy magic that I don't know about? My pediatrician basically said that Amelie sounds slightly young neurologically and just hasn't figured out how to soothe herself which makes my job very difficult until she does learn. And while I do appreciate that she's suggestion that it's the baby and not me failing as a Mother, I have to ask...can I do more?

Another day, another day recovering from another surgery....

I figure if I want to maintain any sort of readership and followers, I should probably find time to write a few lines now and then even during this crazy time. Why crazy? Well, last week I had my gallbladder removed, which although a laparoscopic procedure was more painful to recover from than I anticipated. That on top of recovering from Amelie's c-section and keeping up with two babies and my household, on top of the nightly wake-ups to feed my very hungry baby...well, lets just say there aren't many minutes in the day that aren't accounted for ahead of time. And did I mention the pain factor? Who knew a 5mm trocar port in the belly could be such a bear?! Then again, I suppose getting stabbed would be painful, and that's about what happened!

Today I woke up with that feeling...I didn't feel good, again. My tummy was bad. Shit. Did I just have an organ removed and still haven't fixed the problem? Is this going to be ongoing? So thankfully, my nanny came early today and was able to stay late, and from the time I woke up until Alia's morning nap, I was basically on the couch. Now here's where I admit something to the universe that will make it real. What was Alia doing for that two and a half hours? She was running back and forth from the library to the kitchen getting one grape at a time, rolling on the sheep skin rug, rearranging her furniture (she got two kid-sized polka dotted chairs from Pottery Barn for Christmas and she loves moving them around, which is funny because I love to rearrange furniture too. Oh, and Alia didn't get two chairs...she got one chair and Amelie got one chair, but Alia believes she got two chairs since Amelie isn't using hers yet). Anyway, Alia was doing her normal running about like a monkey while watching Baby Signing Time. That's right. I caved. Although all research points to not allowing television of any kind before the age of two, I caved this month. Alia is 17 months old, and I now let her learn sign language from the TV. Yes, I've blogged about this before, I think (but who can remember for sure since I've basically been on pain pills since Amelie arrived!). But anyway, today was Alia's dream come true. Mommy didn't cut her off. She got to watch and watch and watch. But here's my justification. One, there was no choice because I didn't have the physical capability to keep up with her, and two, with all that running back and forth and hither and dither, I figure she actually only watched about 6 minutes. Or that's what I tell myself anyway.

So that's where I'm at. Still not quite cured of my stomach woes. Still not sleeping at night for more than two hours at a time. Still thankful for having the support I have from Ajay, my neighbors, and my nanny. Still absolutely loving being a Mommy. Oh, and that brings me to the sweetest moment of the day, perhaps week....perhaps month? While I was on the couch with blankets up to my chin, eyes half closed,  Alia would come to me from time to time, and place her tiny little hand ever so softly on my cheek. And other times? She would give me kisses. Right on the mouth. Wet ones...just the way Mommy loves them.

And yes, I realize Amelie was somewhat absent in this blog...she's basically growing like crazy and very sweet. But today while all this was going on? She was sleeping. Because that's what she does during the day. How else could she get up all those times at night?

Alia is 17 Months old

This month has been a busy one. Getting through Thanksgiving and entering into the Christmas season all while entertaining and caring for two babies (while having gallstone attacks) has been crazy at times. But Alia? She just keeps on impressing us.

In this past month, Alia's Grandmother left us after being here for nearly 2 months. Alia's Aunt Chris also came for a visit, as well as Grandpa Mike. With all the coming and going, we realized that Alia is very well adjusted, but needs to know all the information. No more sneaking out the front door so she doesn't notice one of us has left. Yes, in the short term, it may upset her a bit when Daddy has to go somewhere, but after all her relatives came and went, she seemed to feel insecure, as if she felt one of us might sneak off and not come back.

This month I finally gave in and allowed Alia a little bit of television. I had hoped to keep it out of her life until she was two, but I decided watching Baby Signing Time was a good idea, since much of Alia's frustration is derived from her inability to express herself. So this month we turned on the TV, popped in a video, and now Alia signs away with the best of them. She can sign milk, juice, cracker, hat, shoes, socks, dog, cat, sleep, and baby, off the top of my head. And while she sometimes becomes relentless about watching Baby Signing Time, let's face it, the 5 minutes that the program has her attention allows me to pee from time to time.

Alia is still a pretty good eater. This month she found that she loves kiwis. She also loves string cheese and will do anything for orange juice.

Alia's favorite person in the world is her Daddy. She is very possessive of him and does not like when he holds Amelie. On the one hand, I want her to understand that Amelie is a part of our family and that Daddy will hold her from time to time, and on the other hand, she's still not even 1 1/2 years old, and her frustration is totally predictable. If anyone has any insight into integrating a new baby with an existing baby, I'm all ears!

Alia now wears shoes proudly since she is easily excited about them...all we have to do is sign "shoes" and ask if she wants to wear them and she responds with ooooooooh yeah! which is one of her new adorable expressions. Alia also loves her winter coat, and even napped in it one day because I just couldn't convince her to part with it.

Alia has enjoyed touring various libraries this month and loves to see other little people. She is sweet natured and is happy to share whatever she has with others.

All in all, it's been a fast and busy month. Some days we just scrape by and others are quite charmed. Now if I can just get through this gall bladder surgery tomorrow, we'll be in business!

Wow....!

Well, since I have two girls that are currently awake, contained and not crying, I thought I'd say hello to the cyber world. Amelie is in her bassinet next to me making little baby noises and looking at the ceiling, and Alia is in her crib, easing into the day with her favorite stuffed animals. Good thing I type fast!

So what's new here? Well, what's new with me is my gall bladder has to be yanked out next week. That's right, I'm now at the age that I have conversations about my gall bladder. I thought these were conversations for my Mom, but here I am, a Mom myself, have gall stone attacks at the most inopportune time. If you know anyone who has had this problem, they'll tell you it is among the most painful things you can suffer acutely. So, next Tuesday, it's comin' out. Yeah for me, another surgery! I joke that I wish our hospital had a frequent flier program, since in the last six weeks I've given birth there, had an upper GI endoscopy, and now another surgery planned. And all this fun stuff is going on while I'm raising two babies!

Speaking of babies, Amelie had her six week checkup yesterday. I've been a little concerned for a couple of reasons, and of course, it was just me over-thinking everything. Babies cry, some more than others, and Amelie is in the camp of "We love to cry!". But it's normal. My doc says that some babies just take awhile to learn to soothe themselves.

So in a nutshell, we're keeping our heads above water. I'm getting an hour or two of sleep in a row at night. Amelie isn't the best sleeper, in case you didn't catch that. I'm tired a lot. There aren't enough hours in the day. But we'll get through it, and seriously, isn't it worth it?

Amelie goes to the mall

Yep, it's official...Amelie's first outing, outside the pediatrician, that is, was a trip to the mall this past week. We took her to Fashion Island. She rode around in the Ergo Baby the whole time, sleeping, while Alia got a new pair of shoes and rode the carousel. Oh! And did I mention? Alia's ride on the carousel on the big moving horse! Up until now, Alia has been a bench-only carousel rider...but that's my big girl for you!

Amelie is 1 month old!

As a true reflection of our lives, here I sit trying to finish up this blog that I started several weeks ago...

Is it possible that a month has already gone by? As I reflect on this past month, a lot of things come to mind. First of all, I'm tired! Having a newborn baby and a 16 month old is insane. Although I try not to compare Alia and Amelie because they are their own individual self. I can however compare this time around to last time around.

First, I've learned the importance of convenience items and getting help. With one little one running around like a crazy person just looking for things to hurt herself with, and another teeny tiny one whose needs are critical and sudden, I've totally justified using the premixed/pre-measured formula nursers (mainly at night)...last time? I thought the price to need/payoff was way out of whack. This time around? I am just glad that the convenience item is readily available and I couldn't tell you the price difference because whatever it is, it's worth it due to necessity. I have also learned that if some one offers to help you, it's okay to let them. With Alia, although I had the same family members present, I still tried to manage on my own as much as possible. Now, if you come to my house, you're handed a baby, a broom, a chewed up banana...whatever. You will be put to work.

Amelie has transitioned from a teeny tiny newborn that sleeps and cuddles nonstop to a bigger newborn that loves her quiet alert time kicking her legs to exhaustion. She has developed a little inquisitive look whenever I approach, I swear as if to say "Mommy, is that you?". Amelie is somewhat skeptical of her big sister, but all the same regards her with an inquisitive look.

Amelie has rounded out nicely...her cheeks are full, her tummy is round, and her little tiny spider legs are gaining some bulk, too. No surprise since she eats 4 ounces every 3 hours! At first the amount she wanted to eat was a little alarming to me, but then I recalled her sister being the exact same way, and Ajay reminded me that our girls grow tall...always greater than the 95th percentile on the charts.

So although I could go on for days, the truth is I just don't have the time. Having Amelie has of course changed everything, including how often I can sit down and write about her and her sister. But I wouldn't have it any other way....I'm just so tired!!!