I recently received an email from a long time friend that expressed concern that my life has become out of balance. Now to be fair, I do mention being tired a lot, and it's true that up until last month, I rarely had so much as 5 minutes in the car by myself because we have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. That's just the way it is.
Now, my concerned friend very cautiously presented a few ideas. She stated that, "you need to build more time into your day for you. I mean, even me, a single, working mom gets a pedicure when I want one - I have to! It's what keeps me balanced." She went on to assure me that ,"I'm totally expressing my opinions here and don't intend to be pushy or shove my ideas of motherhood on you. Just some ideas. I'm wondering if maybe you feel like, because you're stay at home, you're supposed to be "on" and in Mommy mode all day long every day. Well, in my opinion, that just doesn't have to be the case."
She suggested putting my eldest daughter in school more days/times. She suggested using my nanny in different ways to free up my time (which, let me tell you, 1-2 hours alone with these little ones is a lot for me, and I'm their Mom!!) She suggested that I "go to a coffee shop nearby and getting a coffee and reading a book. One hour or two hours won't hurt anything." She went on to mention that she takes 3 hours on a Saturday once a month or so for herself.
After reading her email, I thought I should do stuff for myself every day! And then I was thinking back to when I was working outside the home...and I realized, I didn't take pedicure breaks then. I didn't go to a coffee shop and read a book during my business day. Can you imagine telling your peers, "guys, I'm outta here for awhile...I need some me-time". And then it occurred to me that no matter how far women have come at being liberated and being able to have a choice in their careers, no one, even my progressive contemporaries consider staying at home to be a job.
For the decade-plus I was in the paid workforce, I chatted endlessly with my peers about the challenges of our industry, the limitations of the company I worked for, the shortcomings of certain products, and the general stresses of the day. But now I realize that Mom's that stay at home aren't allowed to bitch about their days or stresses to their friends without being labeled as "out of balance". Perhaps it's because somewhere in there, we all have held the opinion that being a stay at home Mom is the "after working my career, I'll slow down a little and stay at home with the kids." God knows I thought that and I had a very rude awakening.
Now this is all being said as an intellectual assessment, a comment on perspectives (including my own!). This is an awakening in my own mind because for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why when I had a hard time at work, it was considered the norm and accepted. But when I talk about a lack of sleep and being busier than ever in the home setting, it must be that I'm over-doing it because home shouldn't be that hard...especially with all the help I have. But isn't it funny that we never think that and Executive shouldn't be busy because he has a secretary?
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