Top Chef High Steaks

The show opens with a recap of last week...reminding us of just how mismatched the "competition" was...how everyone elses is to blame for Lisa's inability to make rice (maybe she should try the frozen pre-made microwave kind from Trader Joe's...that always works in a pinch for me!), how much of a weasel Spike is, and finally, that Dale was sent packin' for reasons that are still unclear when compared to Lisa's shortcomings that don't stop at rice.

The sun rises, the chefs are getting ready, everyone is sleep deprived. Antonia talks about being one more week away from the finale. Stephanie chimes in reminding us that there have never been this many women still competing at this point in the race. The team takes off and heads out for the Quickfire. They head to Alan Brothers, purveyors of dry aged beef, and put on all the protective clothing. Antonia mentions she's not good at cutting meat...in a pinch she can figure it out. Spike says both of his grandfathers were butchers and he can cut meat with the best of them. We're shown a big slab of meat, and the contestants are told they have to cut it into individual chops from the racks, making sure the bone is Frenched...Lisa immediately tells us just how difficult this is. The competition begins...they're given 20 minutes. Already I'm missing Dale and the catastrophe of slaughter he would have been sure to create...remember him mutilating that monk fish in the quickfire challenge?

The chefs go at it. They all complain about the level of difficulty. Only Spike has what seems to be a good strategy of removing the tough aged part first, and then going at dividing the steaks into chops, finally cleaning them up at the end. It's so easy it's not even funny, he says. Well, goody for you Spike, not everyone agrees. Lisa mentions it'll suck to go home before the final four. Again, is this foreshadowing already? Already she's mentioned the finale twice in the first 5 minutes of the show...so maybe she's going home!!! A girl can only hope. They call times-up, and Spike tells all the disappointed losers that he "rocked it"...what a nice guy.

They head back tot he Top Chef kitchen with their steaks that they've just mutilated. Padma and Rick Tramonto, a Chicago chef, is waiting for them. They're told now they'll do the second part of the quickfire challenge....huh? A two part quickfire? The steaks are definitely getting higher!!! This part of the of the challenge requires the contestants to make a tomahawk steak for Rick from the carcases that they just created back at Alan Brothers. Rick says making a steak is all about the cut and temperature...and he'll take his medium rare, please.

All the chefs use different strategies, and Spike once again boasts and brags about his expertise in this arena. The grill over open flames, oven roast, pan fry. And when time's up, Rick and Padma go through and cut into all the steaks...they don't even taste them. Rick is actually only looking for cut and temperature, just like he said. After inspecting all of them, he tells Steph she loses....the butchery was bad and the steak undercooked. She agreed. Richard's bad butchery was also called out, and it was also undercooked. Lisa and Spike and Antonia were given kudos for the challenge, and Spike ultimately won...as if we're surprised.

They announce the next challenge is to take over Rick's restaurant. He reminds them what a great restaurant it is and begs them not to be idiots and screw it up. Padma goes on to explain that each are responsible for an appetizer and an entree. And you have to create the menu based on what Rick has in his kitchen; Spike gets to pick his first because he "rocked" the challenge. Lisa as always reminds us why that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing to have that advantage...that's our little rain cloud, always looking for the rainy side of things! Oh yeah, and they restaurant is fully booked.

Oh wait a minute...no he didn't...no she didn't. Back at the house, Spike and Antonia are discussing Spike's excellence, and they talk about his grandfather's spirit butchering the meat through Spike...gimme a break...eye roll....whatever you say, freak. Spike says Stephanie is the best of the girl-chefs, and he would like to see Antonia go home. Richard tells us he has a lot to prove to his girlfriend Padma...not sure why he divulges this.

Meanwhile they arrive at the restaurant. Spike chooses his ingredients first...the tomahawk steaks and frozen scallops. Because with the "high steaks", why not cook the same exact thing for the judges that you just cooked this morning? That's totally a good idea. All the other chefs think he's nuts to chose a frozen seafood as his advantage ingredient. No one is in the least threatened by his "advantage" since no one knew how to cook a tomahawk in the first place, and no one cares to deal with frozen fish. This is totally opposite of his botched box lunch selection of yester-week when he chose his ingredients solely based on what would screw the other up. Might I suggest something in the middle, Spike? Perhaps a little bit of strategy coupled with a little bit of cooking what you want to cook?

The other chefs choose their ingredients. They're given 3 hours to prepare their menu and begin their prep. Lisa announces she's going to make peanut butter mashed potatoes. Okay, is a cartoon character cooking for 2 year olds? How disgusting does that sound?

Spike waits awhile to unwrap his scallops, and finds them really wet. Why the surprise? Isn't all previously frozen seafood a little wet? But Spike is freaking...how can you sear a wet scallop!? You can't!!! Oh no! He uses a rain forest worth of paper towels to try to dry them off, but we're left feeling very skeptical about how those little slimy balls of the sea will turn out.

Tom C. shows up to check in with the gang. Antonia tells him she's offering a warm mushroom salad with artichokes. poached egg and vinaigrette. In addition, she'll offer a bone-in rib eye with a caramelized gratin for her entree. Stephanie tells Tom C. the challenge is a good one. Richard tells him he's doing Hamachi as a starter and a beef tenderloin (to prove himself to his raven haired beauty, Padma, no doubt) with potatoes, turnips in red wine...Tom C. looks a little surprised at this choice because it's very simple for Richard. Lisa tells Tom C. she's doing grilled & chilled shrimp to start and a new york strip with spicy apple caramel and don't forget the peanut butter mashers...seriously...is she cooking for toddlers? Tom C. seems interested and scared at the same time. Spike shakes Tom's hand with gloved scallop-sodden hands and goes back to handling the scallops without changing the gloves. I'm sure Tom was happy to shake that fishy hand, as I'm sure the people who order the dish will be happy to know that he didn't change the glove after shaking hands. Call me crazy, but do we know what Tom was doing with those hands before coming to the kitchen? Sure he looks like a clean guy but do we know this? Anyway, Tom challenges Spike's choice of frozen seafood for his appetizer, and Spike tells him if he can make these things good, he can do anything. Doesn't sound like he's utilized his "advantage" to the fullest, does it?

The group is told Tom will be expediting the orders...this I'm sure is their attempt to not completely sink poor Rick's restaurant. Tom C. lays down the law of his kitchen. The chefs are excited to work with him hands on.

With 15 minutes to go, Spike begins second guessing himself...based on Tom's feedback. How could his advantage become a disadvantage!!!! Tom brings in the 3 guest judges...all prior season Top Chefs...they give solid words of advice, and dinner begins.

The judges immediately throw a wrench into everything by ordering a tasting menu, which isn't on the menu...basically they have to pull together six servings at 1/3 of the size. Lisa's unhappy about this...as usual. They start service...they start with Lisa's grilled & chilled shrimp....the verdict...it's not bad! Next up is Richard's play on veal and tuna....the verdict...delicious!!! Next up are Spike's slimy scallops...the verdict...ho hum....not terrible...not interesting. Stephanie's up and offers her sweetbreads with golden raisins and pine nuts and bacon....the verdict...yummy and better than Spike's. Finally they serve Antonia's mushroom and artichoke salad with a poached egg...looks good....but what's the verdict? Not the best appetizer...the lettuce got really soggy by the end of the dish due to the yolk running everywhere.

Next, Tom C. asks for their main dishes. Again, the judges wonder why Richard has deconstructed everything when the flavors work much better together...it creates too much work for the diner to put the perfect bites together. Okay, is it just me, or is that a pretty lame criticism? It's too much work? I actually enjoy making different bites with different components. Whatever...I guess I'm not the judge. Next up is Lisa "Sunshine" with her steak and those peanut butter mashers...and surprisingly Rick likes it...the others are not so impressed. Next is Spike's tomahawk steak...it's good but not a blow-away dish. Stephanie is up next with her tenderloin...the judges love it. Antonia is up next offering her rib eye. The judge's love it.

Back in the Glad storage room, Lisa proposes a fucking toast to all of the fucking contestants and they fucking rocked all the challenges and no matter fucking what, blah blah blah...whatever Lisa. Go spread your sunshine elsewhere. My prediction at this point is Spike is going home...but we'll see. Padma enters and asks for everyone. At the judge's table, Padma reminds them this is the last time at the table before the finale.

The judge's offer feedback to all of them...then we come to Spike and those slimy scallops. Spike blames Rick T. for having substandard ingredients in his restaurant...Rick T. will "take the shot" but seriously, is that the smartest thing to do? Insult the guest judge? I predict again Spike is goin' home! Let's see The Weasel get out of this one!

The judges deliberate...high marks for Stephanie and Antonia. Split remarks for Richard's food...good for the appetizer, mediocre for the main. Spike gets bad marks for scallops, and medium marks for the steak. Lisa is also in the bottom for the grilled & chilled shrimp and the overall nastiness of her being. They debate between the two of them...who will it be??? Thank God we're down to the Weasel and the Sunshine Spreader!

The chefs come back in the judges room to hear the verdict. They join hands...ewwwww. They announce the winner...as we thought...Stephanie wins based on both her appetizer and entree being judge favorites! Her prize...a cookbook from Rick T. and a suite of GE kitchen equipment...how awesome is that???

They tell Richard he's made it into the finale based on his appetizer, and Antonia also gets a pass to the finale based on her main dish. Now it's down to Spike and Lisa. Who's it going to be???? Lisa stands with a shitty glare on her face and arms crossed. Tom tells her she's been in the bottom 5 times, and Spike's been there 7 times. Spike is criticized that he chose bad scallops. The verdict.....Spike, pack your knives, buddy, you're going home, dude.

How is Lisa still here? is it her sunny disposition or warm personality?

Next week, Lisa's excited and predicts she will "shock the shit out of the judge's" in Puerto Rico...next stop...the finale. And a new even more butch haircut for Lisa...did she go to Richard's barber during the break??? Oh, and as always, here's a better blog than mine about Top Chef.