Next, Antonia points out that they're down to the final eight, and for the first time ever (what, 100 years? no, like, umm, 4 seasons, counting this one...hardly a pivotal point in television history if you ask me) women are equally represented....4 girls, 4 boys left...Now it's Nikki's turn for her thought provoking insight. Nikki says, "Being a woman, you have to be a fighter...a competitor...you have to!" Go girl...you tell 'em!
So the Quickfire Challenge...Padma ups the anty and reveals that the Q.C. will no longer provide the winner with immunity from elimination, but it will provide the winning team with an advantage in the competition.
They draw knives to choose teams, and on one team, we have Stephanie, Antonia, Richard, and Andrew. The other team is rounded out by Nikki, Dale, Spike, and Lisa. And the challenge is....my favorite challenge ever!!!! Relay races!!!!! I looked at Hung with new eyes last season as he conquered chicken after blessed chicken like he was cutting warm butter with a Samurai sword.
The challenging tasks are 1) peel and supreme (segment)five oranges 2)clean and turn two artichokes without breaking the stem 3)clean a monk fish and produce two fillets and 4)make one quart of mayo from scratch, with no mixer or processor.
Nikki "you have to be a fighter" immediately flashes back to cooking school nightmares of making mayo from scratch, and reflects that it's possibly the most horrible task ever. Dale is exhausted by her drama and asks the camera "why is she still here". Nikki jumps on the grenade ever so reluctantly and will do the team the ultimate favor of making the mayo...but let's just be clear, she hasn't made mayo in, well, forever.
The competition begins...it's Angry Lisa versus bitter "Single Moms Rule" Antonia...they supreme oranges like no ones business. In the end, anger reigns and Lisa kicks Antonia's Single Mom butt...stopping to pat herself on the back for the "huge lead" she provided her team with. Next up is Andrew versus Spike turning and cleaning two artichokes...in the beginning, it looks like Spike is going to kill the challenge with his approach to cutting all the leaves of with his chef's knife...he can't see why anyone would take the leaves off one by one. Spike's in the lead...until, oh my lord, he broke a choke! A broken choke! That doesn't count! Start all over on your second choke! So now it's Andrew's turn to shine and he pulls out all the stops...what's this special technique? He uses a veg peeler to peel the stalk....brilliant! He catches up to Spike, regardless of Lisa's huge angry lead, which she mentions one more time just to make sure we know that she did her part and the icky man ruined it for her. "The lead I provided it gone!" Lisa says smugly to the camera. Now that we have a tie game, Richard challenges Dale to a monk fish butchery. Can I just say after seeing monk fish, I don't think I'll ever order it...it's hideous! And the poor guys who have to clean it! In the end they tie, and Lisa angrily reminds the camera "the lead is literally gone!" Yes, Lisa, we know. You're the best. Everyone else sucks. Thanks for reminding us. Finally, we get to the dreaded mayo making challenge...it's Nikki "the ultimate fighter" versus Stephanie "just get the job done". Things start out slow on both sides as Stephanie concentrates on building her base. Her mayo begins to stand up, but Nikki "the fighter" is having no luck. Stephanie's technique appears superior in that she starts out by slowly dripping in oil drops at a time as she whips the egg yolks and oil with a whisk, while Nikki seems to be just pouring away, and has created a sloppy oily mess. Nikki takes a break...the fighter/competitor's arms hurt! All that whisking is taking a toll! How will she survive! In the end, Stephanie reigns victorious and claims the title! The team is big bundle of unified, happy, jumping people. Dale hits the locker in his losing dismay and yells F***!!! Alright Dale...calm down...it's a relay race. Too bad you couldn't have done all the challenges yourself, but sometimes you have to work on a team! (A little foreshadowing perhaps?)
So next up is the elimination challenge...they announce rather than restaurant wars, this season, the big competition is Wedding Wars! The bride and groom show up and announce their wedding for 250 people is tomorrow and oh, yeah, they own a wedding venue and a restaurant themselves, so they better not try anything sneaky because these are people who know food.
The winning team from the QC is allowed to choose who they'd like to cook for...this is their "advantage" that they've earned from winning. Richard steps in and says "the wedding is about the bride, so let's cook for her". You could hear a cricket hop in my house...what!? You're choosing the bride? As your advantage? Dude, seriously, that takes guts! I mean, seriously, I've known some serious bridezillas in my day, and choosing the bride is not going to give you a competitive edge. Spike asks the camera "are they kidding" while Andrew reveals he has a culinary boner...can he say that on tv?
The groom likes Italian food. He bonds with Nikki over their Italian ideas and palates. She tells him she couldn't agree more with everything he says and the team looks to Nikki for leadership...they talk about a bruschetta appetizer, he also likes Lobster, Scallops, Chilean Sea bass, and wants a German chocolate hazelnut cake. The bride likes fried everything, meat & potatoes, comfort food. A girl after my own heart! She also mentions cake is her very favorite food ever (Maybe we're twin souls!) and she wants a nice layer cake and likes chocolate and lemon.
Andrew suggests chicken nuggets. Antonia let's us all know about her Single Mom culinary superiority by telling the camera "you can tell Andrew has only been cooking for 5 years...you never do fried anything on a buffet...it doesn't stay crisp". Okay...that makes sense, but do you have to be so mean and condescending?
Nikki "the competitor" knows what to do. She is the leader, or at least everyone on her team thinks so. She immediately detests working with Dale because he doesn't like one of her hor douvres ideas..."he doesn't work well with others" she says to the camera. Dale tells the camera their team is a hodge podge and no one really likes each other on their team. Spike says he just wants to support Nikki "the fighter's" leadership and win.
Nikki "the fighter" takes the lead in creating the menu. For appetizers, they decide on bruschetta, assorted flat breads, and for the buffet, they'll make home made tortellini, mixed vegetables and cheeses, fillet mignon, Chilean sea bass, and orecchiette with ragu.
On the bride's side, the team works together to come up with the menu...for appetizers, they'll make pizza, pulled pork sandwiches, short ribs with blue cheese in phyllo...yum!!!! And on the main buffet, Andrew gets to make his famous mediocre crispy chicken to Antonia's more experienced chefly dismay. They'll also serve brisket, fillet mignon, creamed spinach, and potato gratin. Oh, and Stephanie "roll up your sleeves and get 'er done" will do the brides layer cake....dark chocolate and lemon with lemon filling. Okay, I'm already preferring the bride's side and I don't even get to taste it! Lisa "full of rage" tells us "we're so f***ed if the cake isn't right"...that's the right way to look at the challenge!
On the groom's team, Nikki proves herself to be the most un-leader leader ever. They ask how she'd make the beets, and she tells them, and then they ask if they should be whole or cut, and Nikki replies to do it however you want. Wow! She's really being a fighter...a competitor! She has to! Meanwhile, Dale's working his tail off playing catch up and is bitter. He's got his hand in everything!
Over on the bride's side, Andrew is getting bitter about Richard asking questions and throwing out ideas...but to be fair, it's now 2 a.m. and everyone is beyond tired.
On the groom's side, Lisa "full of rage" says Dale's doing a 1/2 ass job on everything and Nikki agrees and says she's concerned about his philosophy. At this point, Spike takes over the Chilean sea bass so he has something to claim at the judges table...up til now, I'm not clear on what he's been doing while Dale runs around and tries to do everything. Huge tension on Team Groom!!!!
Nikki's tired...Antonia "Single Mom" is talking gibberish about being in the army, Richard is still strangely awake looking, and Andrew has stopped talking altogether. It's 5:30 a.m. and no one has taken a break to sleep in the back room.
At 7:30 Tom C. show up looking chipper and clean and refreshed to check in with the chefs. He feels the Italian menu is easier but eludes to the Bride's team as being the stronger team and more up to the challenge.
It's now time to transfer the food...the wedding starts and everyone is on edge...they haven't slept in over a day. Now can I just say, how good does Stephanie's cake look????? And she doesn't know what she's doing????
The appetizers are served. Advantage, team Bride!!! They all mention Dale's crustini is too thick and too crisp and too messy. He's in the kitchen with all his fingers in the leaking dam so he has no idea, and this time does not hit a locker. Dale's now in charge of making all the hot food...the beef, the pasta, etc., is all on him and he has no support in the kitchen...he's very angry.
The judges are preferring the Bride's food, and find the Groom's food uninspired. Both cakes, however, were impressive, and Lisa's hideous battleship groom's cake was delicious, and Stephanie's cake was simply beautiful.
After being up for over 36 hours, it's time to wrap it up in front of the judges. They call the Bride's team...Andrew owns up to the chicken and spinach, although Richard was quick to own up to the strange star anise component. The judges complimented them on the cake, the pizzas and the brisket specifically, and award the win to Richard. He quickly gives credit to Stephanie for the cake and the decide to share the title and the prize. Good for them!!!
Now the groom's team is called in...these poor bastards...I mean, how tired can you be. They've given it their all for two days and have lost the challenge, and now somebody has to go home. Lisa stares furiously at Padma and the judges as they attempt to get to the bottom of who was responsible for what. Nikki "the fighter, the competitor" was quick to unfight and uncompete by saying she was NOT the leader of this group, to the judge's and her teammate's surprise. Then "the un-fighter" is quick to qualify with "sure, everyone looked to me for everything, but I'm not claiming this"....WTF????
Tom C. slams everything from the butternut squash tortellini to the dry crusted pizzas, the overcooked meat, and the flavorless horseradish.
Dale and Spike almost throw down. Dale "I did everything and you guys did nothing" rolls his eyes dramatically and is truly upset that he's going down with this losing culinary battleship. Spike calls him a little bitch. Gayle compliments Spike's Chilean sea bass.
The judges break it down after the contestants leave the room. Spike made the only memorable dish, but it wasn't enough of an effort considering they worked for over 24 hours in the kitchen. Dale did work hard, but did nothing notable. And Nikki "you've got to be a fighter...a competitor"...she just didn't assert herself (she didn't fight!!!! Oh, the irony!!!!) at all, and this was her chance to shine. Lisa in all her rage is not a part of the discussion because she made the mysterious and all revered magical dessert of flour, eggs, sugar, chocolate and baking powder...what's it called? Oh yeah, it's a freaking cake. Why all the drama over cake?
It's go time. And Nikki, it's time to pack your knives!
1 comment:
Finally, Nikki is gone! I've been waiting for her to pack her knives up since the Chicago neighborhood block party. The Italian chef who made one mediocre pasta dish after another is out! Did you notice Nikki's comments to Dale about his ragu? Nikki was in charge of the tortellini and Dale was doing the other pasta dish and when she found out he was using fresh tomatoes, carrots and onions instead of a tomato sauce she turned up her nose and said, "That isn't my flavor profile" or something like that. She said it didn't sound like a real ragu--and guess which pasta dish the judges liked! Granted, Dale is a self-proclaimed asshole but at least he knows his stuff and he's in it to win it. Of course slamming the locker and shouting "FUCK!" after the quickfire did make him look like a sulky toddler.
Oh yeah and what was up with Lisa crowing about the lead she gave her team during the quickfire? I'll take Dale over Lisa any day. Although...the way Lisa folded her arms and glared at Padma during judging made me laugh out loud. Hey, Andrea, as a baker, does it take 36 hours to make a square Groom's cake? Stephanie's cake did look like a lot of work but Lisa's didn't look like it should take 36 hours.
So who are the shining stars for me at this critical Top Chef juncture? Richard and Stephanie come to mind and, as much as I hate to admit it, Antonia too. Antonia is the bitter single mom, like you said, and there's just something about her I don't like. She is condescending...well that could be it, duh. And as much as I'd like a woman to win the Top Chef title, I only want said woman to win if she truly is the best. Like, just because a certain woman is running for President doesn't mean I'm going to vote for her because I want a president with a uterus.
Back to Top Chef...I'm tired of the wedding challenges on reality food shows. Remember the Next Food Network Star, Andrea? What kind of people hire a reality show to put on their wedding? WTF? I'd rather have seen restaurant wars.
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